Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No.What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
No can serve as a litmus test to the strength of our relationships...if you cannot say no to some of the things some of the time you are not being loved or valued, you are being controlled. What makes it hard is that I put everyone else's needs and priorities above my own. I wish to be accepted. Plus, I am a peace maker, people pleaser. Plus, I am kind. There are people out there willing to take advantage of that. I would like to say "no" more often when my adult children ask me to do things that they are fully capable of doing for themselves. I also would like to tell myself "no" more when it's evening on a school day and I am still at my desk so that I do have some energy left for other areas of my life! The need to sharpen my axe is real.
'Saying no to one thing, may mean saying yes to another.'
Opportunities may pop up on the daily-- ensuring that your time bank is being used wisely and in ways that enhance your living is so important. Ultimately, the time is spent but determining how and where you want it spent, knowing that you DO get to choose is important. Becuase I would like to say yes to more time spent with family and encouraging students to love learning, I want to say no to overcommitting to meetings that take away from passionate learning, so I can say yes to spending time fostering interests in my children and students. I want to say no to indecisiveness that prolongs too many options and commit (if even just for now) to planning and follow through. I think we are losing a lot of opportunities wishing and wondering instead of trying!
My favorite two lines from this Ted Talks is "We view saying yes as the path of least resistance, leading us to bite off more than we can chew" and "Saying no is a form of self care." It's extremely hard for me to say no. I enjoy making others happy and like showing that I'm a team player so I often say yes when opportunities arise or people ask me for help. I'd like to try to say no to things that don't fulfill me, even if they fulfill others. I'd like to start saying no to things that take time away from myself and my family.
My favorite line was "Live Better- Do Less". I have a hard time saying no. I have gotten better through the years but it is still something I have to work on. I hate the thought of letting someone down or not doing enough. Habit Seven for Leader in Me is Sharpen the Saw- Take Care of Yourself. Teaching my students this habit has made me reflect on my own life and to try to make sure I am taking care of myself so I can take care of others. I need to keep working on saying no and realizing that I don't have to do it all!
Tanya Petterson I don't like the word no to be said to me. Therefore, I will always say yes when somebody asks me to do something. I will usually have more on my plate than I can possibly do. I feel like if I say no, I am letting someone down. I need to learn to take care of myself and my well-being. I also need to "live better--do less"--a favorite line from the Ted talk.
'Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice of living a fruitful life.' This sentence is just one of the many sayings I liked about this Ted Talk. I have a really hard time saying no, just like so many others. I feel like when I say, no, I am being selfish. If I say, no, it just makes someone else have to do the job. I have gotten better at the age of 62 to just START saying, no, to some things. Maybe it is my age, but, I've never been a 'me' person, but, now at my age I am starting to realize that I absolutely NEED to start taking care of myself. I can't keep going at the pace I am going: teaching full time and volunteering for things every night. It it time to start saying, no, and not feel guilty about it.
A few of my favorite lines: There are times you just shouldn't eat another bite... The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have... If we don't say yes... we might miss out Negative lingers longer than Positive - insult vs compliment, one no vs. one yes Saying No is a form of self-care - Say Yes to saying NO Our no to one thing, becomes Yes to another! So that we can savor every bite without over indulging.
I'm getting better at saying no. I have always struggled with being a people pleaser - and I realize I often don't say no, because then I can do it "my way". At work, I've been trying to be better at delegating tasks, realizing I don't always have to be the one to do it.
"Saying no is a form on self- care" This quote from William really stood out to me. I often times let my people pleasing take over when it comes to saying no. I don't was to upset others or let people down so saying no can be difficult to me. I need to remember that it is ok to say no and take care of myself.
The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have. I don't have a hard time saying no to others but one thing I have had to learn is to say no to myself, because I am always trying to do more and more things, this year I have cut way back on "extras". Where in the past any idea I had I would make happen, to either boost morale or give people a pick me up. This year I have been more intentional about the things I am doing, to not to everything but do one thing really well.
My favorite line stated by William Clark Dare To Say No was:
"Replace yes with, I'll think about it."
I liked this line because it seems very reasonable; and I know I could comfortably respond using these words when I'm being asked to do task! Often I feel pressured to just automatically say "yes" to please others, without thinking through the situation. I'd like to start replacing the yes answer with, "I'll think about it". This response will give me more time to thing if I really want to do this task. It will also give me an idea on how to politely say no, if I decide that is in my best interest. I need to start putting myself first, and I believe saying "no" more often is my first step.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? I loved the analogy of saying no to food, and saying no to doing everything we are asked to do by those around us. Being a people pleaser and "peace maker" makes it hard for me to say no. I don't like conflict or feeling like I'm letting others down. But I have gotten better about having boundaries when it comes to my time. In the future, I think I should consider saying no to some volunteer activities so that I do not get burnt out on doing too much. I also should consider saying no to some family gatherings, as that is probably the hardest thing for me to say no to.
I found the analogy to grandma's dinner very helpful and interesting. I had never thought of it like that before, but saying "yes!" to too many things is the same thing as saying "yes" to one more bite of dinner over and over again. Over consumption of food, television, social media, alcohol, etc. is all condemned, BUT for some reason we live in a world where overconsumption of our time in saying "yes" to every inquiry that comes our way seems to be expected. There is definitely power and freedom in saying "no" and I think that is beneficial for the individual and the organization.
“By allowing ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our “no” to one thing, becomes a “yes” to another....”
I am innately a people pleaser and get a high from being helpful to people. I love when tasks that are not a big deal for me can make someone else's day easier. It is hard to say no when I know in the long run doing that task is not a big deal. However, every time I say "yes" to a task that is out of the realm of my typical day, I am saying "no" to either part of my job, or using my free time the way I want to. I would like to start saying "no" to some requests when they require me to travel to other libraries. Sometimes I do enjoy this and it is more hobby work than real work, but being able to say "no" more often to these tasks would allow me to say "yes" to less time away from my kids on weeknights.
Saying no is very difficult for me because I am fulfilled and happy when I can help and serve others. My husband used to joke and say he was going to tattoo the word NO on my forehead. While he was always joking, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was spreading myself to thin and becoming angry and bitter with tasks that used to bring me great joy. As I grow older, I am better at being honest with myself and giving myself permission to say no. With that being said, I do have personal and professional areas in which I need to work on saying no. In my personal life, there are times I need to tell my adult children no and not feel guilty about it. In my professional work, there are times I need to tell families that I can not accommodate their wishes (this might be scheduling a home visit way after hours or going out of my way to deliver a resource).
“Saying no is a form of self-care.” I think being a teacher in a small district makes it hard for me to say no. With having less staff and resources, we are expected to wear many hats. With my personal life, I tend to be a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no to things or social situations even when I really don’t want to go. One thing I really want to work on is being honest from the start instead of agreeing to something I really don’t want to do or saying yes and then trying to get out of it later.
“Just as it is necessary for your physical health to brush your teeth and shower so too is it imperative to on occasion say no. If we are going to take control of our own lives we must acknowledge that in our society no is unfairly branded as a forbidden fruit. In fact saying this little two letter word may be our only chance at living a truly fruitful life. This brings us to the main course we will never be able to change our compulsion to do too much unless we affirm the value that no possesses.” I've always been the person who says yes because I believe if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself—a mindset my father instilled in me at a young age. I struggle to let others handle tasks I know I could do better or faster, often saying yes just to ensure things get done. This need for control affects every aspect of my life, and I know I need to let go—even if things don’t get done my way or on my timeline. Saying no is difficult for me because being busy makes me feel in control, even when my life feels like a mess.
The line that spoke to me most was: "Saying no is a form of self care." I have always had a hard time saying no to things. Looking back I have definitely said yes to several things that I should've said no to. The older I get the more I try to focus on self care. I think as teachers and mothers, we get into the bad habit of always putting ourselves last. He also talked about listening to your body. When saying yes gives you a tightness in your chest and stomach, you should consider saying no. I feel like that's a very good tip.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? My favorite line by William Clark was, " Saying no is a form of self care." I definitely have people pleasing tendencies, it is really hard for me to say no to family and other teachers who I look up to. If I really need some time at home alone to relax and destress and family or a coworker asks me to do something it is really hard to say no without guilt and fear I am going to miss something. Those are the instances I want to start saying no to, as well as when my grade level team comes up with a really fun project or activity to the students and I feel it just wouldn't be as beneficial for my students as it would be work for me, I would like to say no and feel guilt free about it.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
My favorite line was "Saying no is a form of self care". I often have a hard time saying no to other teachers. I feel guilty/bad when I say no especially when its to other teachers. I liked that he gave the alternative to no was "I'll think about it". This would give me time to really think about my decision and see if the task would be worth my time or not! I also am going to remember that saying no is OKAY and people won't hate me just because I said no!
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? "Saying no is a form of Self Care." For most of my life I thought my value came from saying yes and doing, doing, and doing more. Then I realized that no matter how much I do it does not matter-people do not see everything I do. I just became more and more tired. I actually put a note up in my home that read, "it is ok for you to say no." How ridiculous is that. But, it helped. Gradually I have gotten much better at saying no.
The one line that stood out to me was "Saying no is a form of self care." The older I have become, I have learned that saying "no" is not that difficult to say. I find it actually relieves some of the stress and pressure that others place on you when expecting the words "yes" Often, I am asked to join another committee for school, I learned that it ok to say no and to be ok with it. You need to take care of your needs and wants first and saying no is ok.
“No bread to butter at all.” I like this analog because I feel like it can be so relatable. Especially within our first few years of teaching, I found myself saying yes to everything. I think it was hard for me because I am a people pleaser. It was also hard for me because I didn’t know that I could say no. I really like the line that instead of saying yes or no, I can tell people that I will think about it. I think that will give me a chance to actually let myself think about a decision before automatically saying yes to something I don’t actually want to do. I also think that “Being able to say no is one of the most important skills you can have.” I would like to say no more often at work because I can spread myself too thin sometimes. I feel like there are always committees and meetings to attend. My kids are very young at home and need a lot of my attention. If I am constantly saying yes at work, I will not have enough time or energy to give my family or myself.
"Saying no to one thing, may mean saying yes to another" was my favorite line from this Ted Talk. The reason I resonated with this line is because I have often been called a "yes girl" because I am always someone who agrees to help with things. Whether it's helping someone move, or watching a co-workers children, or being involved in extra curricular activities, I am always the one people come to because they know I have a very difficult time saying no. When I heard this line, I began to think to myself, that this is just the mindset shift I need. Maybe instead of saying no to supper with co-workers after school, I'm saying yes to sticking to my health goals and getting enough sleep. Or instead of saying no to an extra curricular after school, I'm saying yes to being able to take my dog on a walk before it gets dark. I think sometimes it's difficult to put yourself and your wants and needs above others, but this line really hit home to me that my needs and what my plans are, are just as important as what others have planned. Saying no might mean choosing to put my own needs above someone else's, but may also mean I am more available and will be less run down later.
Saying no is a form of self care. Also, I liked replacing my "yes" with "I'll think about it." These are things I would tell my younger self for sure! I'm grateful I'm hearing now. I have a much easier time saying no the older I get. I realize I do not need to give the school everything they ask/request of me. I now try to pause and think "Is this putting my family and myself first?" It's easy to slip into old habits yet pausing and thinking of what the best choice is for me. As the presenter stated, "In order to live better, we need to do less."
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
"Saying no to one thing means saying yes to another" This one hit home. I'm quick to say yes to virtually anything. Will you write this grant? Will you make this program? Will you email so-and-so? I love to help, genuinely. It makes me feel useful to help others and when someone asks me to do something I feel like they must trust that I'll do a great job at it. I also like to volunteer (maybe it's a control thing) but I know if I do something it'll get done well, on budget and most likely ahead of schedule. The downside to this is that my family is probably going to be the ones who suffer because of it. Not because I'm not there for them physically, but I'm not always there for them mentally. I'm checked out, distracted, thinking about something that needs to get done and not in the moment with them. By saying no to something, I can say yes to them more.
Say yes to say no. I have a problem of saying no to people, which is why I am on several committees in the community, school, church, etc...I have had many people tell me I need to say no, but if I do I feel as if I am letting them down. Living in a small town, I also know that volunteers are needed for things, and if people are not willing to help out it won't get done and so I try and fill those roles as needed/asked.
We view saying yes as the path of least resistance, leading us to bite off more than we can chew. At the root of all this we do not want to disappoint people, there may also be an aspect of it makes us feel important. Either way when we never say no we run the risk of overloading ourselves and burning out. I think I would like to be able to say no more often so that I could maintain a proper work life balance. To be able to spend more time with my family that is meaningful and not just rushed or in a manner that is more like checking a box. I could probably say no to some of the extra asks that come my way, things that may even be worthwhile but in the long run would take valuable time away from those things that are truly important.
My favorite line was "One no haunts us longer than one yes." I do have a hard time saying no because I hate to make anyone feel bad and I like to please everyone. I like when someone says they don't know how I get it all done. However, I am stressed most of the time because I often bite off more than I can chew. If I say no to someone I often feel so anxious about it and constantly think about what they must think of me for saying know to them. Whether it's them thinking I'm lazy or that I'm a bad friend. For me it's often easier to just say yes. I am better at saying no to myself recently. I took the time to analyze things in my life that were bringing me more stress than joy. One of them was simply having porch flowers. I would stress about watering them everyday and who would water them if we were away. In the end, they'd always be dead come July and a waste of money. While I do enjoy flowers, I have told myself it's okay to not do porch pots anymore. That has given me more joy. I want to continue doing that for me.
William Clark made a couple of comments that really made sense to me, but I had never thought of it that way. The first comment was that saying no to one thing means saying yes to another. So if I decide that I do not need to do something, that just means I will concentrate my attention on something else that I feel is more important or beneficial to me, whether it is personal care or family focused. He also said that "Saying yes too often...can compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence that we are capable of acheiving." That comment made me stop and think about how I spend my time, and also made me realize that the busier I make myself causes the quality of my work to decrease. That in itself gives me the encouragement to say no to things that are not necessary at this time.
The comment that struck me, and I totally agreed with his adjective... "saying no can be terrifying!!!"" YES, YES!!! It gives me a stomachache just thinking about it. I am really bad at saying "no". I have struggled my whole life with turning someone down because I have all those same struggles William talked about. I have said yes to things I should have never said yes to. I paid that price and suffered many times. I love to help others, I love to be a part of things, I love to use my talents God gave me. BUT, there were times I should have said kindly, respectfully and politely "no". There have been a few times I have said no and I was so relieved, especially when the occasion happened and that added stress was not there. I would tell myself, now remember this feeling of relief.. and again and again I will say yes again and most often pay the price. It is a very hard thing. Everyone wants to be appreciated and loved, but one has to know when to say yes and when to say "I'm so sorry but I am not going to be able to help out at this time." SO hard to do.
I like the comment he made "check with your body for the right answer" and "Let me think about it" I have recently encountered a situation like that, where I got asked to take on a big task that would reoccur each year. My body was definitely telling me to say "no", but then I thought about it a little longer and realized my fear was not the task itself, but the confrontations that may come with the task. So I was able to say yes, with the supports in place to help deal with conflict if it occurs.
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I have a really tough time saying no to thinks that I think are doing something good for others. However, there has been plenty of times that I have gotten myself over-extended and not done as well as I could have in multiple of the obligations while also taking a toll on my own personal time and well-being. When this happens it really is a disservice to those that I offered my time to and myself. Because of this, being able to prioritize and ensure that what I am committing to can get the attention it or they deserve from me is much more important than not ever saying no. In the end, having the courage and confidence to say no because you know your priorities is so much better for myself and others.
Check with your body if you should say no. Our bodies tell us what we need and when we need it. When we are hungry, thirsty, sleepy, and sore. Our body also gives us cues or signs when we should say yes or no to something. We need to pay attention to our bodies' response and use it more to help us. I am guilty of not listening to my bodies' answers and pushing through even when I don't have the time or can't do something. This is especially true as a mom because I feel if I don't do it no one else will.
I 100% relate to his analogy of his Grandma wanting him to eat more and more, because my parents are the same way. It seems like they always have something else to eat, even if you are stuffed to the gills! ha ha What makes it so hard to say no in this case, is that their food really is delicious, and they keep asking over and over and I want them to feel good about their attempts to shower me with love through their food. But, in other aspects of my life, it is hard to say no because of what others might think of me, because I said no. It is hard not to feel like I am letting people down and disappointing them. Some reasons I may say no is if I already have a lot on my plate, maybe very stressed out, not sleeping well, and just not willing to do one more extra activity. I have gotten much better with managing my time and saying no when it is right for me. I have also been saying no when my parents wave more food in front of me!
One of my favorite lines is that it is an important skill to have to say no. I have a really hard time saying No to people. I don't want to let people down or think that I can't do something.
Mr. Clark made several comments/analogies that made me smile and connect with what he was saying. One of the many that stuck out to me included: No matter the decadent dessert, sometimes we still have to or should say no. No, has always been a difficult choice for me. If I can help, I have always felt like I should help if I have the capacity to do so. I don't want to disappoint someone or make them feel like they cannot depend on me. I need to start analyzing each situation differently and letting go of the possibility that I cannot do something. I am better able to do this in my every day life, and I need to make a conscious choice to do this in my professional life as well.
We are so busy taking care of others that we have no butter on our bread at all. This line sticks out to me because when I was in the classroom, I was always biting off more than I could chew. Taking a step back from the classroom allowed me to focus on myself and my family. I had nothing left to give to my family since the school was getting most of my attention and energy. Now that I changed jobs, I have supportive bosses who tell me not to do things because I have too much on my plate. This means the world to me because they can see what “needs” to be done. I still feel like me saying no could make me miss out on something since I’m still getting used to the new job and what it all has to offer. It also helps when my bosses are not pressuring me to do things. So that makes me feel like I am able to say no than feeling guilty for not doing things inside the school system.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
I liked Clark's quote of Shonda Rimes book, "Committed to saying yes to saying no!" That is a great line. I have a hard time saying no when I am capable of doing something, but just don't want to, or am nervous I won't have capacity for something else that I do actually want to do. I also have a hard time saying no when it is for something that I really care about or respect. Just last week, I had my year-end evaluation with my principal. I told him that I will need to be done leading our "Sunshine Committee" at school. I have led the committee for five years and created a monthly bulletin board with games, prizes, snacks, and activities for my staff. I have new state standards with a new curriculum in modern American history for next year and two of my good friends/colleagues are moving to early American history content that I have taught for the last ten years. I also have been working on a lot of these individual classes through Transform Your Classroom to have a lane change and increase my salary. I'll also need to redo my classroom to update it to modern American history. As a result, I just don't have capacity for the Sunshine Committee. It was a very good conversation and he was totally fine with it, but it did feel good to take one less thing off my plate...as I add a few more for next year!
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? Saying no is a form of self care - Take care of your own needs so you can take care of others. I like to help others, so saying no is hard for me to do especially when it comes to family. I know that the things I do for others is appreciated so that makes it more difficult to say no. I feel like I am constantly working and never take time for myself so I need to remind myself that is ok to say no to a few things throughout the week and not feel guilty. I know that is important to find a work/life balance so that I can better take care of my needs which will enable me to do a better job helping others.
Some of my favorite lines from the video include: The ability to say no is one of the most important skills a person can have. Saying no is a form of self-care. Take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others. Being told no makes it much harder to tell others no.
As I have gotten older, I have gotten better at saying no. With school and my own children's activities, my schedule is full, but manageable. I'm reluctant to take on anything new unless it truly excites me. I've learned the importance of carving out meaningful time for myself and enjoying quality time with friends and family to recharge. This helps me to be at my best when I am a school.
I really liked his comment about evaluating feelings before giving a response of Yes or No. If you are feeling somewhat excited and relieved at the thought of saying No, then that is the right response for you. This was very helpful and I plan to use this going forward. If I am giving a Yes but feel anxious and resentful, then I know that is the wrong response for me. My body knows better than my brain and wants to protect my time in a meaningful way. I have gone through a period of people pleasing and also equating Work with Value. I am glad to be coming out of that after many decades. We need to be our own best advocates and that includes saying NO, even if it makes the other person uncomfortable or inconveinenced.
“The ability to say No is one of the most important skills you can have.” Growing up and living in a rural community most of my life definitely finds many people giving to their church, school and community through time and talents; however the quote mentioned above by William Clark resonated when he referenced that saying “No” is the most important skill one can have. Wow! As an educator, I know the importance of developing and learning new skills for learners, so this truly pushed me to a new level of processing this quote. I would rather do a great job at a few things instead of a mediocre job on a lot of things, but I still think one needs to make a conscious effort to say “no” because it is a form of self care and for some saying “no” doesn’t come easily.
"Ultimately, we can develop our own sense of portion control, and learn the places that yes and no should occupy in our lives. And when we allow ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our no to one thing becomes the yes to another."
First of all, I love how he frames this not in the negative sense that you are saying no or refusing to do something, but that you are setting up boundaries to protect the things that are most important in your life. An example I can think of is it wouldn't be mean or wrong to say no to chaperoning a dance for students, it would be protecting valuable time with my children and putting up boundaries around family time.
I have actually heard similar quotes around saying no/yes before, but in the sense that saying yes to one obligation takes away from other ways you could spend your time - "Every yes to one thing becomes a no to something else," or, "Every yes equals a million no's." I could say yes to an extra school-related task, but that would also be saying no to time with my family.
I am going to go against the grain of a majority of the replies here and say that I actually don't have a hard time saying no to things since hearing these quotes several years ago. Even when I was teaching, I didn't participate in things many other teachers did or things that were done simply for the sake of tradition because I wanted to prioritize and protect my time away from school. Not to say that I never helped or did extra things for my students - it was just easier for me to choose which things to say yes to, because I knew that every "yes" also meant saying "no" to other things. If I return to teaching in the future, I would like to maintain a similar philosophy about protecting family time, and I love that I can use ideas from William Clark and Angela Watson to help me with that.
"We have a right to prioritize our own self-interest." This quote caught my attention due to its contrast to Philippians 2:3, which tells us to humbly consider others and their needs before our own. This certainly does not exclude self-care. If you burn yourself out completely, you are no longer any good to those you are trying to serve. The difficulty comes in knowing where that line is. I have been raised and professionally trained to be a servant to my family, my students and their families, my school, and my church. Yet, I can only do this if I have enough left to give. While I have found it hard to say 'no' many times, I have found one thing that helps is to ask if it is a task that needs to be done. If so, does it need to be done by me, or could it, or even should it, be done by someone else?
The part about saying yes as the path to least resistance was like a shot to the heart! I am definitely that person! Especially when it comes to my family. I rarely say no to opportunities for my kids to be involved in activities or to help my parents with anything they need. I am 100% a people pleaser and usually tend to put myself and my feelings last. I cause myself to stress out and become anxious about everything. I can't usually decide if saying yes or no is more stressful! It is something I need to work on.
"If you feel yourself saying yes too often, particularily when you want to say no, you can always check with your body for the right answer."
The hardest part for me in saying no is disappointing people, especially when it comes to people that I care about. I want to help all the time, but I never ask for anything in return and end up usually spreading myself too thin. I want to be a "go-to" person, so if I say no, people may not come to me anymore.
Something I would like to get better at is saying no at school... What I mean by this is I often find myself not even having a second to think at school because I am trying to help so many teachers and ELL students at one time. I have multiple grade-levels to work with, accommodate for, and co-teach with and it can get very overwhelming. I'm not even sure that it is necessarily saying no or if I just need to start saying yes to help or asking for help. Either way, I need to not bog myself down so much as school because that is when I start to feel some burnout. I love my co-workers, students, and job, so I do not want burnout to become an issue.
My favorite analogy from William Clark’s talk was his story about his grandmother constantly offering food—even when he wasn’t hungry. It’s funny but so true: we’re often pressured to accept things out of politeness or habit, not because we need them. That really made me think about how often I say “yes” just to avoid seeming rude or unhelpful.
For me, saying no is hard because I worry it’ll come off as not being a team player. In teaching, there’s this unspoken culture where you’re expected to say yes to everything—covering classes, joining committees, helping with events. And while I genuinely want to help, it sometimes leads to burnout.
I want to get better at saying no when the task isn’t aligned with my priorities or takes away from time I need to rest, reset, or spend with family. Not every opportunity is the right opportunity, and I’m starting to see that protecting my time isn’t selfish—it’s sustainable. Saying no more often would help me show up better in the areas that matter most.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
I really resonated with the quote, "The ability to say NO is one of the most important skills you can have." This is something I have struggled with my whole life. I have a hard time saying no in both my work place and personal life. I am a people pleaser and I absolutely hate any form of confrontation so it is easier for me to say yes and make the other peron happy rather than do what makes me happy. It is something that I have continued to try to work on. I think it is important to advocate for ourselves and truly do what makes you happy. Especially when we know how little time we have to do more things that truly matter in our lives.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
“The ability to say No is one of the most important skills you can have.” I have seen a therapist for years. This has been a major part of my therapy. My therapist has pointed out my low self-esteem. I feel the need to say yes to prove I am good enough. This is something I still struggle with. My head sees what I am doing, but many years of conditioning is hard to overcome, but I am making small improvements. My plan for the coming year is to make a fresh start. I don't need to put my hand up and volunteer for everything. (Bad habit of mine.) I keep reminding myself that I have enough on my plate caring for my MIL (which I honestly do very happily.) Some of my time needs to also be spent on self-care.
"If you cannot say no to some of the things some of the time, you are being controlled." This is one of the quotes that stuck out to me the most. As an educator, we are often people pleasers, and want to badly to be liked and part of the "team." I think this is one of the reasons e, and I am so quick to say 'yes'. I believe we often say "yes" to feel better about ourselves. So are we, in a way, begin controlled? Or do we do it to ourselves to fit in a look like a good teacher? I think to say "no" more often will take courage and more self awareness for your reasons for saying 'no.' I also think this puts more stress on us because now we have more on our plate, and we feel the need to do it well. Since I have been in education for 30 years, I have started to say 'no' now, more than ever, because I've aged and matured. But I really could have used this advice 15 years ago when I had young kids and was trying to do it all!
"To say yes too often, too thoughtlessly, to the wrong question, to compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence we are capable of achieving". I like to keep busy, so if someone would ask me to do something I would usually do it for fun, (or a dare) or I would decline. I learned early what talents I had and what I really could not do very well. I think of camp or retreats. The wife (me) would be responsible (tradition) for the kitchen, cooking. I refused immediately (outloud, not a good reaction) but my husband agreed and took on the job as he was very good at it. I had other jobs to do that he needed done that only I could do. It worked out for 22+ years. (Still not sure what they thought of me, but I didn't have to work the kitchen.) I really need to practice saying "yes" more often. I don't think I can do things so sometimes I just need to try (with help) and say yes. My life now, subbing, I say yes to many jobs I try out. Some days are good and some not so good. But I do try. Every day is a challenge and many times I do things I have never done before. Love it.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? A line or response stated by William Clark would be "Let me think about it." What makes it hard for me to say no? For me it may be someone close who has asked me to help with a committee etc. Although I have gotten much better. Knowing you cannot overload your "plate." I need to remember to take care of myself and not be overwhelmed
My favorite analogy stated by William Clark was when he compared saying “No” to a forbidden fruit, and then he went on to quote Professor Adam Grant who said, “The ability to say no, is one of the most important skills you can have.” I thought this was interesting because it does often feel like saying no should be avoided at all costs so as not to appear lazy or that one is not a hard worker. Then, hearing a professor quoted saying that being able to say no is an important skill, just blew my mind, because it goes against everything that we seem to hear about being a hard worker. What makes it hard for me to say no, is how I will be perceived by my administration or co-workers. I want to be perceived as a hard worker and someone people can count on. I would like to consider saying no more often at work when the request isn’t a requirement of my job description. Sometimes I do this with the general education teachers who are on my team. Sometimes I excuse myself early from our team meetings once the conversation turns to visiting, or I don’t take a large role in planning a team activity as I have IEP paperwork to work on. I would like to find a way to say no more often at home when it comes to household tasks to free up more time for myself. For me to do this, I will need to think about what things I am willing to give up control over and accept that they will be done differently than I would have done them.
My favorite line was, "replace Yes with I'll think about it". I like to have time to really think things over and double check schedules, so this is a great way to allow me time to do that and to prep myself to saying no.
I think it is hard for me to say no because I am a bit of a people pleaser and I like to help people out in any way that I can.
One way that I would like to consider saying "no" more often is to things that take me away from time spent with my family. Whether it be school-related tasks that I would need to spend non-contracted hours doing or social events that feel more like a duty than an opportunity.
I have a hard time saying no, so really liked the phrase: "replace yes with I'll think about it." This will help me to buy the time to process what saying yes truly will entail and allowing myself to make the best decision for myself and my family.
"If I don't say yes, I will miss out." If I miss a meeting, what will I miss? Will I know what I am supposed to do? Will I get into trouble? There just seems to be too many bad consequences. I hate being sick because I will miss being at school and people will think badly of me. There is just such a stigma associated with saying "no." Will someone be mad of me? I have been saying no more as I get older. I let the other younger teachers do the things I no longer want to. I give my advice and experience to help others, but my time is too important now.
One of my favorite lines from the TEd talk was - “Every yes is a no to something else.” It really made me think about my time. As a teacher, I often say yes because I want to help, support students, or be a team player but that often leads me to feeling burnt out or missing time with my family.
I find that its hard to say no because I don’t want to disappoint anyone or seem like I’m not doing my part. But I’ve realized that saying no sometimes is really about making space for what matters most. I would like to say no more to matters that take up mental space from me when I am not at the school - I hate thinking about work and being in a "mood" when I get home to my family.
My favorite quote was, “live better, do less!” I’m going to be real, I’ve never felt like I could say no due to having a trauma background. It’s reality. In order to get love you have to do what is asked. That was my world. It was messed up. So, I just turned 51 and am working is the my therapist on boundaries and saying no! I’m hoping this will help me in the work place because it is so automatic for me to say yes and then regret it later. I want to live a life of “live better, do less!” I used to be in every community bored, go to every event and I am getting better about that but now I need to learn how to create boundaries in the work place and in my personal life. I am hoping this book study will help me.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
My favorite line was, "It's been lovely talking with you, but I must get back to..." This line stood out to me because I have a very difficult time letting co-workers know I need to get back to work. I love that they stop by to visit or ask questions, but before I know it, my planning time is up and now I have more to do after school. I have a hard time saying no because I want to be friendly and helpful. We can not do this job alone. I may try this line a time or two this next year and see if it helps me regain some of my time back, but it won't be easy.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
The phrase that made the biggest impact for me was, "All too often, the fear of prioritizing ourselves above others prevents us from saying no." This is me. I am a people pleaser, I have the hardest time saying no and have also been working on this recently. The first time I told someone 'no', was very hard for me and I spent way too much time thinking about how my decision might have made their life harder. Then I realized, they were just fine, and since then it has been easier to say no. Still working on it, but it is getting easier.
" Saying no is a form of self care." That is advice I need to listen to. I often say yes and rarely say no. But I have said not to a few family things and it wasn't overly well received. But I never once regretted saying no. I also say no when it just simply isn't one more thing I can possibly do on that certain day.
“Saying no is a form of self-care” really stood out to me. Saying no is hard for me because I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out when invited to functions or that I’m letting someone down when asked to do a task by a friend, family member, or colleague. I may start saying no more to friends and even family when asked to functions. I feel like I bog myself down with event after event and never have time to relax and recharge after a week of work. I feel that I work all week and then try to catch up socially with family and friends on the weekend that I start each new week chaotic and overwhelmed because of the tasks I don’t get done whether it’s for school or at home. I need to start putting myself first and taking care of myself. I can start each new week rested and ready when I say no to a few functions each weekend.
“Clearly in order to live better, we need to do less” at 10:10. This is a personal call to action for me: pare down, focus and prioritize what I do in order to live my best life. I also really enjoyed the quote near the end comparing our choices of time and activity to choices of food… “the difference between an all-you-can-eat buffet and dinner made by Wolfgang Puck” This also a visual (and enjoyable) reminder to do less but put more value and health and enjoyment on what I do include as a part of my life, my teaching, my avocations.
Saying no is hard for me because I have been a people pleaser most of my life. Clark’s summary of a please was right on - helpful, agreeable, but often feel taken advantage of and unhappy when others don't return the assistance. As a female, it was expected that I would offer help and provide assistance when asked to avoid an accusation of being grumpy or selfish.
I would like to (and have begun to) put the breaks on always being agreeable with my family and in my community. I historically have found myself saying yes too much and then regretting my commitment. Over the past few months, I have been purposely delaying commitments in order to buy myself some time for further decision making. I look forward to seeing what else is in the rest of this class.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
"Ultimately, we can develop our own sense of portion control, and learn the places that yes and no should occupy in our lives. And when we allow ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our no to one thing becomes the yes to another."
THIS. Saying no to something I really don't want or need to do then opens the door for me to do something that I do want or need to do. I don't need to bring the team snack every week. Someone else can do it. There are 12 kids and at least 12 households, and my time is just as valuable as everyone else's time. And, I don't have to MAKE the snacks. Purchased is just fine. Kids get a snack, my stress level goes down, my kitchen stays cleaner (which makes my husband happier). Win- win- win. I'm a veteran teacher (ie: I'm old, okay) so I've gotten pretty good at saying no at work. I am terrible at saying no at church. There aren't that many active members and I always think, 'well, I'm going to be there anyway, so I might as well do (whatever task is being asked of me)...' But in reality there are more people than I think and if I always say yes, it actually stops a new person from saying yes to the task!
My favorite quote from William Clark is "Saying no is the most important skill one can have." As I have grown older I am doing this more often. Do I always like the feeling afterwards as William says "saying no comes with consequences?" No, but I LOVED hearing that "those losses will lead to gains" and I've always told myself that good things come out of bad situations. I think it is your attitude and how you relate to the situation that matters.
Saying no is NOT a bad thing. I've always seen it as being healthy. If life is just "too much" I know I need to say no. When I used to say yes A LOT, I started noticing that this didn't help anyone. I wasn't a happy person, my family suffered, and my students suffered. All in all, I was taking on too much...and for what, was I living my best for saying yes? Too often the answer was no...I'm so glad for this change in mindset.
"It is essential to recognize that we have the power, and the right, to prioritize our own self-interests."
I think that, particularly as a teacher in a small district, it is difficult to say no because it is more-or-less expected of us to take on a larger load or pick up the slack. It's hard to say no because those asking us to do more are friends, coworkers, people we care about. It's hard to say no because my refusal may put that person in a bind. But is it worth it if it puts me in a bind? Although it sounds silly to say, it's empowering to remember that I actually can say no - I can choose that for myself if saying yes doesn't feel right. On that line, I also enjoyed his comment that saying no is like litmus test for your relationships. If the people asking me to do something care about me, they will understand my need or desire to say no.
It's hard to say no when asked to help with another activity, another sport, another trip - whatever it may be. I need to remember that there are many other people who can also step up and help; I don't have to feel the obligation to say yes every time.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteNo can serve as a litmus test to the strength of our relationships...if you cannot say no to some of the things some of the time you are not being loved or valued, you are being controlled. What makes it hard is that I put everyone else's needs and priorities above my own. I wish to be accepted. Plus, I am a peace maker, people pleaser. Plus, I am kind. There are people out there willing to take advantage of that.
I would like to say "no" more often when my adult children ask me to do things that they are fully capable of doing for themselves. I also would like to tell myself "no" more when it's evening on a school day and I am still at my desk so that I do have some energy left for other areas of my life! The need to sharpen my axe is real.
'Saying no to one thing, may mean saying yes to another.'
ReplyDeleteOpportunities may pop up on the daily-- ensuring that your time bank is being used wisely and in ways that enhance your living is so important. Ultimately, the time is spent but determining how and where you want it spent, knowing that you DO get to choose is important. Becuase I would like to say yes to more time spent with family and encouraging students to love learning, I want to say no to overcommitting to meetings that take away from passionate learning, so I can say yes to spending time fostering interests in my children and students. I want to say no to indecisiveness that prolongs too many options and commit (if even just for now) to planning and follow through. I think we are losing a lot of opportunities wishing and wondering instead of trying!
My favorite two lines from this Ted Talks is "We view saying yes as the path of least resistance, leading us to bite off more than we can chew" and "Saying no is a form of self care." It's extremely hard for me to say no. I enjoy making others happy and like showing that I'm a team player so I often say yes when opportunities arise or people ask me for help. I'd like to try to say no to things that don't fulfill me, even if they fulfill others. I'd like to start saying no to things that take time away from myself and my family.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was "Live Better- Do Less". I have a hard time saying no. I have gotten better through the years but it is still something I have to work on. I hate the thought of letting someone down or not doing enough. Habit Seven for Leader in Me is Sharpen the Saw- Take Care of Yourself. Teaching my students this habit has made me reflect on my own life and to try to make sure I am taking care of myself so I can take care of others. I need to keep working on saying no and realizing that I don't have to do it all!
ReplyDeleteTanya Petterson
ReplyDeleteI don't like the word no to be said to me. Therefore, I will always say yes when somebody asks me to do something. I will usually have more on my plate than I can possibly do. I feel like if I say no, I am letting someone down. I need to learn to take care of myself and my well-being. I also need to "live better--do less"--a favorite line from the Ted talk.
'Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice of living a fruitful life.' This sentence is just one of the many sayings I liked about this Ted Talk. I have a really hard time saying no, just like so many others. I feel like when I say, no, I am being selfish. If I say, no, it just makes someone else have to do the job. I have gotten better at the age of 62 to just START saying, no, to some things. Maybe it is my age, but, I've never been a 'me' person, but, now at my age I am starting to realize that I absolutely NEED to start taking care of myself. I can't keep going at the pace I am going: teaching full time and volunteering for things every night. It it time to start saying, no, and not feel guilty about it.
ReplyDeleteA few of my favorite lines:
ReplyDeleteThere are times you just shouldn't eat another bite...
The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have...
If we don't say yes... we might miss out
Negative lingers longer than Positive - insult vs compliment, one no vs. one yes
Saying No is a form of self-care - Say Yes to saying NO
Our no to one thing, becomes Yes to another! So that we can savor every bite without over indulging.
I'm getting better at saying no. I have always struggled with being a people pleaser - and I realize I often don't say no, because then I can do it "my way". At work, I've been trying to be better at delegating tasks, realizing I don't always have to be the one to do it.
"Saying no is a form on self- care" This quote from William really stood out to me. I often times let my people pleasing take over when it comes to saying no. I don't was to upset others or let people down so saying no can be difficult to me. I need to remember that it is ok to say no and take care of myself.
ReplyDeleteThe ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have. I don't have a hard time saying no to others but one thing I have had to learn is to say no to myself, because I am always trying to do more and more things, this year I have cut way back on "extras". Where in the past any idea I had I would make happen, to either boost morale or give people a pick me up. This year I have been more intentional about the things I am doing, to not to everything but do one thing really well.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line stated by William Clark Dare To Say No was:
ReplyDelete"Replace yes with, I'll think about it."
I liked this line because it seems very reasonable; and I know I could comfortably respond using these words when I'm being asked to do task! Often I feel pressured to just automatically say "yes" to please others, without thinking through the situation. I'd like to start replacing the yes answer with, "I'll think about it". This response will give me more time to thing if I really want to do this task. It will also give me an idea on how to politely say no, if I decide that is in my best interest. I need to start putting myself first, and I believe saying "no" more often is my first step.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteI loved the analogy of saying no to food, and saying no to doing everything we are asked to do by those around us. Being a people pleaser and "peace maker" makes it hard for me to say no. I don't like conflict or feeling like I'm letting others down. But I have gotten better about having boundaries when it comes to my time. In the future, I think I should consider saying no to some volunteer activities so that I do not get burnt out on doing too much. I also should consider saying no to some family gatherings, as that is probably the hardest thing for me to say no to.
I found the analogy to grandma's dinner very helpful and interesting. I had never thought of it like that before, but saying "yes!" to too many things is the same thing as saying "yes" to one more bite of dinner over and over again. Over consumption of food, television, social media, alcohol, etc. is all condemned, BUT for some reason we live in a world where overconsumption of our time in saying "yes" to every inquiry that comes our way seems to be expected. There is definitely power and freedom in saying "no" and I think that is beneficial for the individual and the organization.
ReplyDelete“By allowing ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our “no” to one thing, becomes a “yes” to another....”
ReplyDeleteI am innately a people pleaser and get a high from being helpful to people. I love when tasks that are not a big deal for me can make someone else's day easier. It is hard to say no when I know in the long run doing that task is not a big deal. However, every time I say "yes" to a task that is out of the realm of my typical day, I am saying "no" to either part of my job, or using my free time the way I want to. I would like to start saying "no" to some requests when they require me to travel to other libraries. Sometimes I do enjoy this and it is more hobby work than real work, but being able to say "no" more often to these tasks would allow me to say "yes" to less time away from my kids on weeknights.
Saying no is very difficult for me because I am fulfilled and happy when I can help and serve others. My husband used to joke and say he was going to tattoo the word NO on my forehead. While he was always joking, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was spreading myself to thin and becoming angry and bitter with tasks that used to bring me great joy. As I grow older, I am better at being honest with myself and giving myself permission to say no. With that being said, I do have personal and professional areas in which I need to work on saying no. In my personal life, there are times I need to tell my adult children no and not feel guilty about it. In my professional work, there are times I need to tell families that I can not accommodate their wishes (this might be scheduling a home visit way after hours or going out of my way to deliver a resource).
ReplyDelete“Saying no is a form of self-care.” I think being a teacher in a small district makes it hard for me to say no. With having less staff and resources, we are expected to wear many hats. With my personal life, I tend to be a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no to things or social situations even when I really don’t want to go. One thing I really want to work on is being honest from the start instead of agreeing to something I really don’t want to do or saying yes and then trying to get out of it later.
ReplyDelete“Just as it is necessary for your physical health to brush your teeth and shower so too is it imperative to on occasion say no. If we are going to take control of our own lives we must acknowledge that in our society no is unfairly branded as a forbidden fruit. In fact saying this little two letter word may be our only chance at living a truly fruitful life. This brings us to the main course we will never be able to change our compulsion to do too much unless we affirm the value that no possesses.” I've always been the person who says yes because I believe if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself—a mindset my father instilled in me at a young age. I struggle to let others handle tasks I know I could do better or faster, often saying yes just to ensure things get done. This need for control affects every aspect of my life, and I know I need to let go—even if things don’t get done my way or on my timeline. Saying no is difficult for me because being busy makes me feel in control, even when my life feels like a mess.
ReplyDeleteThe line that spoke to me most was: "Saying no is a form of self care." I have always had a hard time saying no to things. Looking back I have definitely said yes to several things that I should've said no to. The older I get the more I try to focus on self care. I think as teachers and mothers, we get into the bad habit of always putting ourselves last. He also talked about listening to your body. When saying yes gives you a tightness in your chest and stomach, you should consider saying no. I feel like that's a very good tip.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line by William Clark was, " Saying no is a form of self care." I definitely have people pleasing tendencies, it is really hard for me to say no to family and other teachers who I look up to. If I really need some time at home alone to relax and destress and family or a coworker asks me to do something it is really hard to say no without guilt and fear I am going to miss something. Those are the instances I want to start saying no to, as well as when my grade level team comes up with a really fun project or activity to the students and I feel it just wouldn't be as beneficial for my students as it would be work for me, I would like to say no and feel guilt free about it.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was "Saying no is a form of self care". I often have a hard time saying no to other teachers. I feel guilty/bad when I say no especially when its to other teachers. I liked that he gave the alternative to no was "I'll think about it". This would give me time to really think about my decision and see if the task would be worth my time or not! I also am going to remember that saying no is OKAY and people won't hate me just because I said no!
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"Saying no is a form of Self Care." For most of my life I thought my value came from saying yes and doing, doing, and doing more. Then I realized that no matter how much I do it does not matter-people do not see everything I do. I just became more and more tired. I actually put a note up in my home that read, "it is ok for you to say no." How ridiculous is that. But, it helped. Gradually I have gotten much better at saying no.
The one line that stood out to me was "Saying no is a form of self care." The older I have become, I have learned that saying "no" is not that difficult to say. I find it actually relieves some of the stress and pressure that others place on you when expecting the words "yes" Often, I am asked to join another committee for school, I learned that it ok to say no and to be ok with it. You need to take care of your needs and wants first and saying no is ok.
ReplyDelete“No bread to butter at all.” I like this analog because I feel like it can be so relatable. Especially within our first few years of teaching, I found myself saying yes to everything. I think it was hard for me because I am a people pleaser. It was also hard for me because I didn’t know that I could say no. I really like the line that instead of saying yes or no, I can tell people that I will think about it. I think that will give me a chance to actually let myself think about a decision before automatically saying yes to something I don’t actually want to do.
ReplyDeleteI also think that “Being able to say no is one of the most important skills you can have.” I would like to say no more often at work because I can spread myself too thin sometimes. I feel like there are always committees and meetings to attend. My kids are very young at home and need a lot of my attention. If I am constantly saying yes at work, I will not have enough time or energy to give my family or myself.
"Saying no to one thing, may mean saying yes to another" was my favorite line from this Ted Talk. The reason I resonated with this line is because I have often been called a "yes girl" because I am always someone who agrees to help with things. Whether it's helping someone move, or watching a co-workers children, or being involved in extra curricular activities, I am always the one people come to because they know I have a very difficult time saying no. When I heard this line, I began to think to myself, that this is just the mindset shift I need. Maybe instead of saying no to supper with co-workers after school, I'm saying yes to sticking to my health goals and getting enough sleep. Or instead of saying no to an extra curricular after school, I'm saying yes to being able to take my dog on a walk before it gets dark. I think sometimes it's difficult to put yourself and your wants and needs above others, but this line really hit home to me that my needs and what my plans are, are just as important as what others have planned. Saying no might mean choosing to put my own needs above someone else's, but may also mean I am more available and will be less run down later.
ReplyDeleteSaying no is a form of self care. Also, I liked replacing my "yes" with "I'll think about it." These are things I would tell my younger self for sure! I'm grateful I'm hearing now. I have a much easier time saying no the older I get. I realize I do not need to give the school everything they ask/request of me. I now try to pause and think "Is this putting my family and myself first?" It's easy to slip into old habits yet pausing and thinking of what the best choice is for me. As the presenter stated, "In order to live better, we need to do less."
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"Saying no to one thing means saying yes to another"
This one hit home. I'm quick to say yes to virtually anything. Will you write this grant? Will you make this program? Will you email so-and-so? I love to help, genuinely. It makes me feel useful to help others and when someone asks me to do something I feel like they must trust that I'll do a great job at it. I also like to volunteer (maybe it's a control thing) but I know if I do something it'll get done well, on budget and most likely ahead of schedule. The downside to this is that my family is probably going to be the ones who suffer because of it. Not because I'm not there for them physically, but I'm not always there for them mentally. I'm checked out, distracted, thinking about something that needs to get done and not in the moment with them. By saying no to something, I can say yes to them more.
Say yes to say no. I have a problem of saying no to people, which is why I am on several committees in the community, school, church, etc...I have had many people tell me I need to say no, but if I do I feel as if I am letting them down. Living in a small town, I also know that volunteers are needed for things, and if people are not willing to help out it won't get done and so I try and fill those roles as needed/asked.
ReplyDeleteWe view saying yes as the path of least resistance, leading us to bite off more than we can chew. At the root of all this we do not want to disappoint people, there may also be an aspect of it makes us feel important. Either way when we never say no we run the risk of overloading ourselves and burning out. I think I would like to be able to say no more often so that I could maintain a proper work life balance. To be able to spend more time with my family that is meaningful and not just rushed or in a manner that is more like checking a box. I could probably say no to some of the extra asks that come my way, things that may even be worthwhile but in the long run would take valuable time away from those things that are truly important.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was "One no haunts us longer than one yes." I do have a hard time saying no because I hate to make anyone feel bad and I like to please everyone. I like when someone says they don't know how I get it all done. However, I am stressed most of the time because I often bite off more than I can chew. If I say no to someone I often feel so anxious about it and constantly think about what they must think of me for saying know to them. Whether it's them thinking I'm lazy or that I'm a bad friend. For me it's often easier to just say yes. I am better at saying no to myself recently. I took the time to analyze things in my life that were bringing me more stress than joy. One of them was simply having porch flowers. I would stress about watering them everyday and who would water them if we were away. In the end, they'd always be dead come July and a waste of money. While I do enjoy flowers, I have told myself it's okay to not do porch pots anymore. That has given me more joy. I want to continue doing that for me.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Clark made a couple of comments that really made sense to me, but I had never thought of it that way. The first comment was that saying no to one thing means saying yes to another. So if I decide that I do not need to do something, that just means I will concentrate my attention on something else that I feel is more important or beneficial to me, whether it is personal care or family focused. He also said that "Saying yes too often...can compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence that we are capable of acheiving." That comment made me stop and think about how I spend my time, and also made me realize that the busier I make myself causes the quality of my work to decrease. That in itself gives me the encouragement to say no to things that are not necessary at this time.
ReplyDeleteThe comment that struck me, and I totally agreed with his adjective... "saying no can be terrifying!!!"" YES, YES!!! It gives me a stomachache just thinking about it. I am really bad at saying "no". I have struggled my whole life with turning someone down because I have all those same struggles William talked about.
ReplyDeleteI have said yes to things I should have never said yes to. I paid that price and suffered many times. I love to help others, I love to be a part of things, I love to use my talents God gave me. BUT, there were times I should have said kindly, respectfully and politely "no". There have been a few times I have said no and I was so relieved, especially when the occasion happened and that added stress was not there. I would tell myself, now remember this feeling of relief.. and again and again I will say yes again and most often pay the price. It is a very hard thing. Everyone wants to be appreciated and loved, but one has to know when to say yes and when to say "I'm so sorry but I am not going to be able to help out at this time." SO hard to do.
I like the comment he made "check with your body for the right answer" and "Let me think about it" I have recently encountered a situation like that, where I got asked to take on a big task that would reoccur each year. My body was definitely telling me to say "no", but then I thought about it a little longer and realized my fear was not the task itself, but the confrontations that may come with the task. So I was able to say yes, with the supports in place to help deal with conflict if it occurs.
ReplyDelete"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have."
ReplyDeleteI have a really tough time saying no to thinks that I think are doing something good for others. However, there has been plenty of times that I have gotten myself over-extended and not done as well as I could have in multiple of the obligations while also taking a toll on my own personal time and well-being. When this happens it really is a disservice to those that I offered my time to and myself. Because of this, being able to prioritize and ensure that what I am committing to can get the attention it or they deserve from me is much more important than not ever saying no. In the end, having the courage and confidence to say no because you know your priorities is so much better for myself and others.
Check with your body if you should say no. Our bodies tell us what we need and when we need it. When we are hungry, thirsty, sleepy, and sore. Our body also gives us cues or signs when we should say yes or no to something. We need to pay attention to our bodies' response and use it more to help us. I am guilty of not listening to my bodies' answers and pushing through even when I don't have the time or can't do something. This is especially true as a mom because I feel if I don't do it no one else will.
ReplyDeleteI 100% relate to his analogy of his Grandma wanting him to eat more and more, because my parents are the same way. It seems like they always have something else to eat, even if you are stuffed to the gills! ha ha What makes it so hard to say no in this case, is that their food really is delicious, and they keep asking over and over and I want them to feel good about their attempts to shower me with love through their food. But, in other aspects of my life, it is hard to say no because of what others might think of me, because I said no. It is hard not to feel like I am letting people down and disappointing them. Some reasons I may say no is if I already have a lot on my plate, maybe very stressed out, not sleeping well, and just not willing to do one more extra activity. I have gotten much better with managing my time and saying no when it is right for me. I have also been saying no when my parents wave more food in front of me!
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite lines is that it is an important skill to have to say no. I have a really hard time saying No to people. I don't want to let people down or think that I can't do something.
ReplyDeleteMr. Clark made several comments/analogies that made me smile and connect with what he was saying. One of the many that stuck out to me included: No matter the decadent dessert, sometimes we still have to or should say no. No, has always been a difficult choice for me. If I can help, I have always felt like I should help if I have the capacity to do so. I don't want to disappoint someone or make them feel like they cannot depend on me. I need to start analyzing each situation differently and letting go of the possibility that I cannot do something. I am better able to do this in my every day life, and I need to make a conscious choice to do this in my professional life as well.
ReplyDeleteWe are so busy taking care of others that we have no butter on our bread at all. This line sticks out to me because when I was in the classroom, I was always biting off more than I could chew. Taking a step back from the classroom allowed me to focus on myself and my family. I had nothing left to give to my family since the school was getting most of my attention and energy. Now that I changed jobs, I have supportive bosses who tell me not to do things because I have too much on my plate. This means the world to me because they can see what “needs” to be done. I still feel like me saying no could make me miss out on something since I’m still getting used to the new job and what it all has to offer. It also helps when my bosses are not pressuring me to do things. So that makes me feel like I am able to say no than feeling guilty for not doing things inside the school system.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteI liked Clark's quote of Shonda Rimes book, "Committed to saying yes to saying no!" That is a great line. I have a hard time saying no when I am capable of doing something, but just don't want to, or am nervous I won't have capacity for something else that I do actually want to do. I also have a hard time saying no when it is for something that I really care about or respect. Just last week, I had my year-end evaluation with my principal. I told him that I will need to be done leading our "Sunshine Committee" at school. I have led the committee for five years and created a monthly bulletin board with games, prizes, snacks, and activities for my staff. I have new state standards with a new curriculum in modern American history for next year and two of my good friends/colleagues are moving to early American history content that I have taught for the last ten years. I also have been working on a lot of these individual classes through Transform Your Classroom to have a lane change and increase my salary. I'll also need to redo my classroom to update it to modern American history. As a result, I just don't have capacity for the Sunshine Committee. It was a very good conversation and he was totally fine with it, but it did feel good to take one less thing off my plate...as I add a few more for next year!
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteSaying no is a form of self care - Take care of your own needs so you can take care of others. I like to help others, so saying no is hard for me to do especially when it comes to family. I know that the things I do for others is appreciated so that makes it more difficult to say no. I feel like I am constantly working and never take time for myself so I need to remind myself that is ok to say no to a few things throughout the week and not feel guilty. I know that is important to find a work/life balance so that I can better take care of my needs which will enable me to do a better job helping others.
Some of my favorite lines from the video include:
ReplyDeleteThe ability to say no is one of the most important skills a person can have.
Saying no is a form of self-care.
Take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others.
Being told no makes it much harder to tell others no.
As I have gotten older, I have gotten better at saying no. With school and my own children's activities, my schedule is full, but manageable. I'm reluctant to take on anything new unless it truly excites me. I've learned the importance of carving out meaningful time for myself and enjoying quality time with friends and family to recharge. This helps me to be at my best when I am a school.
I really liked his comment about evaluating feelings before giving a response of Yes or No. If you are feeling somewhat excited and relieved at the thought of saying No, then that is the right response for you. This was very helpful and I plan to use this going forward. If I am giving a Yes but feel anxious and resentful, then I know that is the wrong response for me. My body knows better than my brain and wants to protect my time in a meaningful way. I have gone through a period of people pleasing and also equating Work with Value. I am glad to be coming out of that after many decades. We need to be our own best advocates and that includes saying NO, even if it makes the other person uncomfortable or inconveinenced.
ReplyDelete“The ability to say No is one of the most important skills you can have.” Growing up and living in a rural community most of my life definitely finds many people giving to their church, school and community through time and talents; however the quote mentioned above by William Clark resonated when he referenced that saying “No” is the most important skill one can have. Wow! As an educator, I know the importance of developing and learning new skills for learners, so this truly pushed me to a new level of processing this quote. I would rather do a great job at a few things instead of a mediocre job on a lot of things, but I still think one needs to make a conscious effort to say “no” because it is a form of self care and for some saying “no” doesn’t come easily.
ReplyDelete"Ultimately, we can develop our own sense of portion control, and learn the places that yes and no should occupy in our lives. And when we allow ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our no to one thing becomes the yes to another."
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love how he frames this not in the negative sense that you are saying no or refusing to do something, but that you are setting up boundaries to protect the things that are most important in your life. An example I can think of is it wouldn't be mean or wrong to say no to chaperoning a dance for students, it would be protecting valuable time with my children and putting up boundaries around family time.
I have actually heard similar quotes around saying no/yes before, but in the sense that saying yes to one obligation takes away from other ways you could spend your time - "Every yes to one thing becomes a no to something else," or, "Every yes equals a million no's." I could say yes to an extra school-related task, but that would also be saying no to time with my family.
I am going to go against the grain of a majority of the replies here and say that I actually don't have a hard time saying no to things since hearing these quotes several years ago. Even when I was teaching, I didn't participate in things many other teachers did or things that were done simply for the sake of tradition because I wanted to prioritize and protect my time away from school. Not to say that I never helped or did extra things for my students - it was just easier for me to choose which things to say yes to, because I knew that every "yes" also meant saying "no" to other things. If I return to teaching in the future, I would like to maintain a similar philosophy about protecting family time, and I love that I can use ideas from William Clark and Angela Watson to help me with that.
"We have a right to prioritize our own self-interest." This quote caught my attention due to its contrast to Philippians 2:3, which tells us to humbly consider others and their needs before our own. This certainly does not exclude self-care. If you burn yourself out completely, you are no longer any good to those you are trying to serve. The difficulty comes in knowing where that line is. I have been raised and professionally trained to be a servant to my family, my students and their families, my school, and my church. Yet, I can only do this if I have enough left to give. While I have found it hard to say 'no' many times, I have found one thing that helps is to ask if it is a task that needs to be done. If so, does it need to be done by me, or could it, or even should it, be done by someone else?
ReplyDeleteThe part about saying yes as the path to least resistance was like a shot to the heart! I am definitely that person! Especially when it comes to my family. I rarely say no to opportunities for my kids to be involved in activities or to help my parents with anything they need. I am 100% a people pleaser and usually tend to put myself and my feelings last. I cause myself to stress out and become anxious about everything. I can't usually decide if saying yes or no is more stressful! It is something I need to work on.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"If you feel yourself saying yes too often, particularily when you want to say no, you can always check with your body for the right answer."
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part for me in saying no is disappointing people, especially when it comes to people that I care about. I want to help all the time, but I never ask for anything in return and end up usually spreading myself too thin. I want to be a "go-to" person, so if I say no, people may not come to me anymore.
Something I would like to get better at is saying no at school... What I mean by this is I often find myself not even having a second to think at school because I am trying to help so many teachers and ELL students at one time. I have multiple grade-levels to work with, accommodate for, and co-teach with and it can get very overwhelming. I'm not even sure that it is necessarily saying no or if I just need to start saying yes to help or asking for help. Either way, I need to not bog myself down so much as school because that is when I start to feel some burnout. I love my co-workers, students, and job, so I do not want burnout to become an issue.
My favorite analogy from William Clark’s talk was his story about his grandmother constantly offering food—even when he wasn’t hungry. It’s funny but so true: we’re often pressured to accept things out of politeness or habit, not because we need them. That really made me think about how often I say “yes” just to avoid seeming rude or unhelpful.
ReplyDeleteFor me, saying no is hard because I worry it’ll come off as not being a team player. In teaching, there’s this unspoken culture where you’re expected to say yes to everything—covering classes, joining committees, helping with events. And while I genuinely want to help, it sometimes leads to burnout.
I want to get better at saying no when the task isn’t aligned with my priorities or takes away from time I need to rest, reset, or spend with family. Not every opportunity is the right opportunity, and I’m starting to see that protecting my time isn’t selfish—it’s sustainable. Saying no more often would help me show up better in the areas that matter most.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteI really resonated with the quote, "The ability to say NO is one of the most important skills you can have." This is something I have struggled with my whole life. I have a hard time saying no in both my work place and personal life. I am a people pleaser and I absolutely hate any form of confrontation so it is easier for me to say yes and make the other peron happy rather than do what makes me happy. It is something that I have continued to try to work on. I think it is important to advocate for ourselves and truly do what makes you happy. Especially when we know how little time we have to do more things that truly matter in our lives.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete“The ability to say No is one of the most important skills you can have.” I have seen a therapist for years. This has been a major part of my therapy. My therapist has pointed out my low self-esteem. I feel the need to say yes to prove I am good enough. This is something I still struggle with. My head sees what I am doing, but many years of conditioning is hard to overcome, but I am making small improvements. My plan for the coming year is to make a fresh start. I don't need to put my hand up and volunteer for everything. (Bad habit of mine.) I keep reminding myself that I have enough on my plate caring for my MIL (which I honestly do very happily.) Some of my time needs to also be spent on self-care.
"If you cannot say no to some of the things some of the time, you are being controlled." This is one of the quotes that stuck out to me the most. As an educator, we are often people pleasers, and want to badly to be liked and part of the "team." I think this is one of the reasons e, and I am so quick to say 'yes'. I believe we often say "yes" to feel better about ourselves. So are we, in a way, begin controlled? Or do we do it to ourselves to fit in a look like a good teacher? I think to say "no" more often will take courage and more self awareness for your reasons for saying 'no.' I also think this puts more stress on us because now we have more on our plate, and we feel the need to do it well. Since I have been in education for 30 years, I have started to say 'no' now, more than ever, because I've aged and matured. But I really could have used this advice 15 years ago when I had young kids and was trying to do it all!
ReplyDelete"To say yes too often, too thoughtlessly, to the wrong question, to compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence we are capable of achieving".
ReplyDeleteI like to keep busy, so if someone would ask me to do something I would usually do it for fun, (or a dare) or I would decline. I learned early what talents I had and what I really could not do very well.
I think of camp or retreats. The wife (me) would be responsible (tradition) for the kitchen, cooking. I refused immediately (outloud, not a good reaction) but my husband agreed and took on the job as he was very good at it. I had other jobs to do that he needed done that only I could do. It worked out for 22+ years. (Still not sure what they thought of me, but I didn't have to work the kitchen.)
I really need to practice saying "yes" more often. I don't think I can do things so sometimes I just need to try (with help) and say yes.
My life now, subbing, I say yes to many jobs I try out. Some days are good and some not so good. But I do try. Every day is a challenge and many times I do things I have never done before. Love it.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteA line or response stated by William Clark would be "Let me think about it."
What makes it hard for me to say no? For me it may be someone close who has asked me to help with a committee etc. Although I have gotten much better. Knowing you cannot overload your "plate."
I need to remember to take care of myself and not be overwhelmed
My favorite analogy stated by William Clark was when he compared saying “No” to a forbidden fruit, and then he went on to quote Professor Adam Grant who said, “The ability to say no, is one of the most important skills you can have.” I thought this was interesting because it does often feel like saying no should be avoided at all costs so as not to appear lazy or that one is not a hard worker. Then, hearing a professor quoted saying that being able to say no is an important skill, just blew my mind, because it goes against everything that we seem to hear about being a hard worker. What makes it hard for me to say no, is how I will be perceived by my administration or co-workers. I want to be perceived as a hard worker and someone people can count on. I would like to consider saying no more often at work when the request isn’t a requirement of my job description. Sometimes I do this with the general education teachers who are on my team. Sometimes I excuse myself early from our team meetings once the conversation turns to visiting, or I don’t take a large role in planning a team activity as I have IEP paperwork to work on. I would like to find a way to say no more often at home when it comes to household tasks to free up more time for myself. For me to do this, I will need to think about what things I am willing to give up control over and accept that they will be done differently than I would have done them.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was, "replace Yes with I'll think about it". I like to have time to really think things over and double check schedules, so this is a great way to allow me time to do that and to prep myself to saying no.
ReplyDeleteI think it is hard for me to say no because I am a bit of a people pleaser and I like to help people out in any way that I can.
One way that I would like to consider saying "no" more often is to things that take me away from time spent with my family. Whether it be school-related tasks that I would need to spend non-contracted hours doing or social events that feel more like a duty than an opportunity.
I have a hard time saying no, so really liked the phrase: "replace yes with I'll think about it." This will help me to buy the time to process what saying yes truly will entail and allowing myself to make the best decision for myself and my family.
ReplyDelete"If I don't say yes, I will miss out."
ReplyDeleteIf I miss a meeting, what will I miss? Will I know what I am supposed to do? Will I get into trouble?
There just seems to be too many bad consequences. I hate being sick because I will miss being at school and people will think badly of me. There is just such a stigma associated with saying "no." Will someone be mad of me?
I have been saying no more as I get older. I let the other younger teachers do the things I no longer want to. I give my advice and experience to help others, but my time is too important now.
One of my favorite lines from the TEd talk was - “Every yes is a no to something else.” It really made me think about my time. As a teacher, I often say yes because I want to help, support students, or be a team player but that often leads me to feeling burnt out or missing time with my family.
ReplyDeleteI find that its hard to say no because I don’t want to disappoint anyone or seem like I’m not doing my part. But I’ve realized that saying no sometimes is really about making space for what matters most. I would like to say no more to matters that take up mental space from me when I am not at the school - I hate thinking about work and being in a "mood" when I get home to my family.
My favorite quote was, “live better, do less!” I’m going to be real, I’ve never felt like I could say no due to having a trauma background. It’s reality. In order to get love you have to do what is asked. That was my world. It was messed up. So, I just turned 51 and am working is the my therapist on boundaries and saying no! I’m hoping this will help me in the work place because it is so automatic for me to say yes and then regret it later. I want to live a life of “live better, do less!” I used to be in every community bored, go to every event and I am getting better about that but now I need to learn how to create boundaries in the work place and in my personal life. I am hoping this book study will help me.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was, "It's been lovely talking with you, but I must get back to..."
This line stood out to me because I have a very difficult time letting co-workers know I need to get back to work. I love that they stop by to visit or ask questions, but before I know it, my planning time is up and now I have more to do after school.
I have a hard time saying no because I want to be friendly and helpful. We can not do this job alone. I may try this line a time or two this next year and see if it helps me regain some of my time back, but it won't be easy.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteThe phrase that made the biggest impact for me was, "All too often, the fear of prioritizing ourselves above others prevents us from saying no." This is me. I am a people pleaser, I have the hardest time saying no and have also been working on this recently. The first time I told someone 'no', was very hard for me and I spent way too much time thinking about how my decision might have made their life harder. Then I realized, they were just fine, and since then it has been easier to say no. Still working on it, but it is getting easier.
" Saying no is a form of self care." That is advice I need to listen to. I often say yes and rarely say no. But I have said not to a few family things and it wasn't overly well received. But I never once regretted saying no. I also say no when it just simply isn't one more thing I can possibly do on that certain day.
ReplyDelete“Saying no is a form of self-care” really stood out to me. Saying no is hard for me because I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out when invited to functions or that I’m letting someone down when asked to do a task by a friend, family member, or colleague. I may start saying no more to friends and even family when asked to functions. I feel like I bog myself down with event after event and never have time to relax and recharge after a week of work. I feel that I work all week and then try to catch up socially with family and friends on the weekend that I start each new week chaotic and overwhelmed because of the tasks I don’t get done whether it’s for school or at home. I need to start putting myself first and taking care of myself. I can start each new week rested and ready when I say no to a few functions each weekend.
ReplyDelete“Clearly in order to live better, we need to do less” at 10:10. This is a personal call to action for me: pare down, focus and prioritize what I do in order to live my best life. I also really enjoyed the quote near the end comparing our choices of time and activity to choices of food… “the difference between an all-you-can-eat buffet and dinner made by Wolfgang Puck” This also a visual (and enjoyable) reminder to do less but put more value and health and enjoyment on what I do include as a part of my life, my teaching, my avocations.
ReplyDeleteSaying no is hard for me because I have been a people pleaser most of my life. Clark’s summary of a please was right on - helpful, agreeable, but often feel taken advantage of and unhappy when others don't return the assistance. As a female, it was expected that I would offer help and provide assistance when asked to avoid an accusation of being grumpy or selfish.
I would like to (and have begun to) put the breaks on always being agreeable with my family and in my community. I historically have found myself saying yes too much and then regretting my commitment. Over the past few months, I have been purposely delaying commitments in order to buy myself some time for further decision making. I look forward to seeing what else is in the rest of this class.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"Ultimately, we can develop our own sense of portion control, and learn the places that yes and no should occupy in our lives. And when we allow ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our no to one thing becomes the yes to another."
THIS. Saying no to something I really don't want or need to do then opens the door for me to do something that I do want or need to do. I don't need to bring the team snack every week. Someone else can do it. There are 12 kids and at least 12 households, and my time is just as valuable as everyone else's time. And, I don't have to MAKE the snacks. Purchased is just fine. Kids get a snack, my stress level goes down, my kitchen stays cleaner (which makes my husband happier). Win- win- win.
I'm a veteran teacher (ie: I'm old, okay) so I've gotten pretty good at saying no at work. I am terrible at saying no at church. There aren't that many active members and I always think, 'well, I'm going to be there anyway, so I might as well do (whatever task is being asked of me)...' But in reality there are more people than I think and if I always say yes, it actually stops a new person from saying yes to the task!
My favorite quote from William Clark is "Saying no is the most important skill one can have." As I have grown older I am doing this more often. Do I always like the feeling afterwards as William says "saying no comes with consequences?" No, but I LOVED hearing that "those losses will lead to gains" and I've always told myself that good things come out of bad situations. I think it is your attitude and how you relate to the situation that matters.
ReplyDeleteSaying no is NOT a bad thing. I've always seen it as being healthy. If life is just "too much" I know I need to say no. When I used to say yes A LOT, I started noticing that this didn't help anyone. I wasn't a happy person, my family suffered, and my students suffered. All in all, I was taking on too much...and for what, was I living my best for saying yes? Too often the answer was no...I'm so glad for this change in mindset.
"It is essential to recognize that we have the power, and the right, to prioritize our own self-interests."
ReplyDeleteI think that, particularly as a teacher in a small district, it is difficult to say no because it is more-or-less expected of us to take on a larger load or pick up the slack. It's hard to say no because those asking us to do more are friends, coworkers, people we care about. It's hard to say no because my refusal may put that person in a bind. But is it worth it if it puts me in a bind? Although it sounds silly to say, it's empowering to remember that I actually can say no - I can choose that for myself if saying yes doesn't feel right. On that line, I also enjoyed his comment that saying no is like litmus test for your relationships. If the people asking me to do something care about me, they will understand my need or desire to say no.
It's hard to say no when asked to help with another activity, another sport, another trip - whatever it may be. I need to remember that there are many other people who can also step up and help; I don't have to feel the obligation to say yes every time.