Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No.What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
Wait...saying no is an option...huh....wonder what that is like.... "saying no is a from of self-care" I liked this because I am definetly one that struggles to say no. One of my coworker tells me that ALL the time and because of this inability I add too much to my plate and really struggle with taking on too much or feeling like saying "yes" and being a part of many things makes me worthy. I need to bring in the thought of "saying no is a form of self-care" and take care of ME before others.
When I was teaching in a smaller school, it was almost expected to do more than just be a teacher. I was the midbus driver in the am and pm, taught first grade and in the evenings (when there were games) I was concession manager. I think I felt obligated to help out. There were other staff members that hardly had anything on their plate and they were able to say no. Why did I feel like I had to do the extra work? I like what he said about saying yes to saying no. When I moved to a bigger district, I was excited by the fact that I would not be expected to do extra jobs. This year, I have not been asked to do anything extra. I love that I have more time for myself.
“We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread…”. This really resonates with me. Over the years, I have come to realize that taking on extra responsibilities didn’t make me more respected or liked or make me feel better about myself. It just made me feel tired and, sometimes, used. I have gotten better at saying no, but it is still hard. I work and live in a small community and there are never enough volunteers to go around.
"Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice at living a fruitful life." I like this quote because it is the exact opposite of what I do. I find it hard to say no when I get asked to do something or asked a question when in reality it's the best thing for you. Like anything I think it's important to find balance between saying yes and no. Sometimes we get asked to help cover other classrooms on our prep period. I want to say no because I want to use that time to plan for the next day, but I also know that my colleagues need me to help. Also, there has been plenty of times where they have helped me, so I feel like yes is the right thing to do.
"Say yes to saying no," is a quote that stood out to me. I have a hard time saying no when someone asks me to do something. I have always associated being a good person with saying yes when someone asks you to do something. It is hard to break free from that thought process, but I know that it could make a big difference in my life. I can say no to things and still be a good, kind person. I am hoping to grow in this area and work hard to make sure that I am taking care of my class, my family, and myself.
Here are some of my favorite lines and analogies: “The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have.” “…we wind up so busy trying to please others that we fail to notice something important that we have no butter on our bread at all, just a trail of crumbs for the birds to eat, and no way out of a forest of responsibility and obligation.” “All this aside, saying no is a form of self-care described in just about every self-help book ever written as the necessity to take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others.” “By allowing ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our “no” to one thing, becomes a “yes” to another....” Personally, I do not have any trouble saying no. If I do not want to do something, I will just be honest about it. Sometimes I will say, let me think about it. In the past, I used to be afraid to say no because I was worried that I might not be liked as much and worried what others thought about me. Not so much anymore.
His comparison between a mediocre buffet and a catered meal from Wolfgang Puck was very relatable. I would rather have a smaller volume with greater enjoyment than a large volume with minimal enjoyment and satisfaction.
Coupled with Watson's focus on that we always have a choice, these are very empowering and encouraging antedotes.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
"Saying no is a form of self care." I really liked that quote in general because I do have a lot of people pleasing qualities. I care what others think and care if someone is going to be upset if I say no so I end up doing stuff that makes everyone else happy before myself. I've found that this is actually something I've been working really hard on personally the last few months is just accepting and knowing it's ok to say no and I have the right to set boundaries for myself and say no. Sometimes having that peaceful time to myself to re-set is so refreshing as opposed to always being on the go.
"Saying yes to saying no." This line stood out to me as it is a struggle of mine especially at school. All the "yes" add to my plate and before I realize I don't have time to prioritize myself or the things that will allow me to be a better teacher. I care what others think of me and will be upset if someone has a negative thought. I often feel as if they will be disappointed or their thoughts of me might change if I say no. I have been working on setting boundaries for myself at school and in my personal life as to what I need to worry about or care about.
Callie Dutenhoffer I liked the phrase, "How to say no to the chocolate cake...Replacing yes with, "I'll think about it." I struggle to say "no" because I just always want to be super helpful. If I see a friend or family member, or even a colleague that seems stressed and needs help, when they ask for it, I HAVE to say yes, right!? After listening to this Ted Talk, I truly want to work on saying "I'll think about it" right away instead of saying "yes" and being stuck in the commitment. I also want to be better about asking other people to help ME in return, instead of always doing my tasks alone and then always helping others. A lot of times I find it too late after saying yes to helping someone being exhausted and worn down in my personal and family life. I then don't have the energy to give to them that they deserve.
I liked his analogy about the butter on the bread and his quote 'saying yes to saying no".
What makes it hard for me to say no is that it feels rude or impolite. I think growing up and how I was raised we were taught that it wasn't right to tell people no. I think that it is important to know what you can say yes to and what you need to turn down. I think there are ways that we can say no without it sounding disrespectful or come across as rude. I like the idea of saying "I'll have to check if that will work for me" because it shows you really do care and want to help, but you also care about yourself and your time. I can't think of specific instances where I would like to say no more. I think I'm usually pretty good about knowing what I can fit into my schedule and what I cannot.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? The idea that saying "no" can lead to a more fruitful life was great! I am a people pleaser, so saying "yes" has been my auto-response for years. Pretty much if someone asked for help with something, it came out as a "Sure, no problem", even if it was a problem. I have started working on saying no to things in the last year or so. If it is something that will cut into too much time with my kids or time that I need to take for myself, I will find a way to shorten my help time, or simply say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not available".
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I have learned this a lot in the past year or two. As my work schedule became more demanding, I simply could not meet every request with "yes" the way I had in the past. It occurred to me that saying "no" to some things meant saying "yes" to the best things.
Saying "no" is hard for me when it comes to helping other people out in some way. I may consider saying "no" more in the future to activities that are not important to me or do not align with my values or beliefs. People pleasing used to guide my decisions more often than it does now, as I have learned that living by my faith/principles matters the most.
Saying "Yes" to saying NO. The ability for me to say No is a hard one. Working in a small school, so many of us are stretched and pulled in multiple directions. I always feel that if they ask me to do something, they are needing help in some way. I have said No to some of these situations, especially when it pulls me away from my family. If I don't have a good reason, I am more than happy to help. Always trying to find the right balance between yes and no....never ending part of family needs, work needs, and life needs.
When we do not say no, we please others and we fail to notice we have no butter on our bread at all just a trial of crumbs for the birds to eat and no way out of a forest of responsibility and objection. This resonate because at times I don't stop and self-care, instead I try to please other and things pile up. Plus I don't like to back out of things so when I say yes and I have a lot, I stress out, and sometimes even get sick. That does not need to be the case because I can say no. I am a people pleaser and don't like to see other people hurt and disappointed. I think, and I am trying to do it, I need to say more with certain activities at school. I think this will help, not only for my own sanity and health, but it will also give me more time with my wife. It will also give more people the chance to step up and not expect me to do it or be that person that they always rely on.
80% of the time, people can’t stomach saying no. But the ability to say no is one the most important skills a person can have. “Know which side of your bread is buttered.” - We need to know where the best opportunities lie. We are afraid to say no incase we might miss out on something. I struggle to say no because I know what they are asking me to do, I could do well and have the skill set for such as being the Girl Scout Leader or Sunday School teacher. I decided to take on the Girl Scout leader but ended up saying no to Sunday School because I truly enjoy the time I spend sitting quietly in church and it helps me recharge for the week. I didn’t want it to also become a chore. So I felt like by choosing one I was still giving back to my community and helping children but by saying no to the other, I was making a commitment to my own mental health and spiritual well being. Saying no is a form of self care. We have the right and responsibility to take care of our time and how we feel.
I think that Clark's acknowledgement that while "No" can sometimes hurt others and/or cause disappointment, it really is a necessity/reality of a full life, resonates most with me. As a "pleaser" for most (maybe all?) of my life, the fear of being rude or hurting others has kept me from saying no to many, many things that in the larger picture, have not been good fits for my time, energy, or relationships. So many times, I've ended up angry with myself and the situation, or ended up ultimately disappointing the initiator anyway when I was unable to follow through or live up to expectations. Some of the things that I need to say no to right now are: -Things that make my job “more” than it has to be. I need to focus on the activities that engage and offer the most to my students, and say no to school/teacher activities outside of the classroom that don’t provide direct benefit to my students. -Spending more time than strictly necessary on projects initiated by others that I’ve been asked to participate in. -I need to say no to my desire (and others’ suggestions) that I work part-time during the summer for the time being because I see value in giving my son more of my time while he’s young. I need to have the perspective that I will have plenty of time to work once he’s into middle and high school, but I can’t get these young years with him back. Saying no is hard, but I hope that it gets easier with time. I hope that this study will teach me ways to look at my “noes” as opportunities for joy and growth instead of being disappointments to those around me.
Replace your hasty "Yes" with "I'll think about it." This was my favorite pointer from Clark's presentation. When other's ask for help, my knee jerk reaction is to say yes before I really take the time to think of how it will impact my own life. I hate to say no because I don't want to disappoint anyone, and I do believe we are sometimes called to help others - even when it's not convenient for us. I recently had a friend ask me to help her out with something that was going to last for a few months. Instead of immediately saying yes, I took time to think about it and talk it over with my husband. We came up with a way of me helping but without overcommitting myself. I'm really happy with the compromise that was made, and it made me realize that I want to handle more decisions like that going forward. Right now I don't have many instances where I have to say no, but I know that will change as my kids get older and we get busier as a family. My husband and I both come from large families, and the family obligations can get to be a lot at times (birthday parties, holidays, baptisms, helping people move, etc.) We genuinely want to be there for our families, but when these events are back-to-back over multiple weekends, it can feel overwhelming. Again, my husband and I have started to take a beat and discuss what is best for our own family before automatically committing to being there. As the saying goes, "You can't pour from an empty cup."
"The ability to say no, is one of the most important skills a person can have"-- I think it is challenging to say no to things when it comes to family, my job, and social life. It is overwhemling to be at so many things and try to make everyone happy or satisfied by showing up and commiting to things. I find myself pushing myself too far when making commitments which later makes me resentful and not enjoy the things I like. I think being able to step back and talk through things before saying an automatic yes is helpful. Like the Ted talk referred to, I need to be able to say, "I'll think about it" or simply the power of a "no" and sticking to it.
"Say yes to saying no." I liked the video's Shonda Rhimes example. While it can be a great source of self-growth to say yes to things that scare us or put us out of our comfort zone, it is also important to flex the other side of that muscle, and say no to things that are not in our best interest. It's easy to say yes to our students, our colleagues, and our families and friends, because we want to be seen as a helpful person, and if we're able to help, we want to. But just because we can, doesn't mean we have to. It goes back to what the author was saying in the first few chapters -- everything is a choice. If we make the choice to prioritize someone else, we may give up time to prioritize ourselves.
The very beginning of the TED Talk was completely what I experienced growing up. Refusing to something offered to me was considered an insult by the giver. Obviously, if they asked they must know that I am highly capable and much needed for the task. Asking me if I wanted a Fig Newton truly meant that I could not say no - that would be devastation for my grandma. On that note, how often have I said yes to the Fig Newton knowing that I completely didn't want one and didn't even like it? How often have I accepted a task just because I was asked to do it. "Set boundaries for your time." I like that. I can start with saying "I'll think about it" and if I don't come back to thinking about it, that would be an obvious no.
"The ability to say No is one of the most important skills you can have." It's very hard for me to say no, I feel bad putting something on somebody else or leaving them hanging. I would like to say no more often so that I feel less stressed, piling more things on my list as a teacher and mom of 4 is overwhelming. I would like to say no to the things that I don't enjoy and really don't have the time or energy for, but I say yes because I want to avoid confrontation or I want to help somebody.
There were a couple lines that really stuck out to me from this TED Talk, the first being “Saying No is a form of self care.” If you’re constantly saying yes, you’re striving for an unattainable goal of perfection. By saying ‘no’ when it is necessary you are showing necessary concern for your own needs. As you can only really help others, if you are able to help yourself first. Another line I enjoyed from this video was something along the lines of "if you are not able to say no, you are not being valued or loved in relationships, you are being controlled.” I feel this way a lot, and the additional sting comes when after you do the task for someone rather than being appreciative they justify why you had the time to do it for them, when they themselves didn’t have the time. It brings an extreme sense of defeat. So yes, my mental health could definitely benefit from saying more no often. And where I can start is in my extensive list of weekly tasks I expect myself to complete. There are a lot more alternatives than my one way of doing things, if I allow myself to think of those options.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. "The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." This is so true! It is a skill I seem to lack. Often times I say yes, but never get around to doing it. Or I say yes and regret it. I guess I feel like I have to say yes because I want to please people, and it has gotten to be a habit. I am going to try to be better at saying no in the future.
"Say yes to saying no" is one of my favorite lines by William Clark. It's hard for me to say no when I am asked by a coworker or boss to do something. I feel obligated to do it because I want to be a "team player". I would like to say no more to the expectation of teachers to handle big discipline/behavior problems in our classrooms and just "deal" with them while also being expected to teach an amazing lessons.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
My favorite analogy stated by William in is Dare to Say No talk is, “We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread…" This was a great analogy for me because, as I stated in the last blog post, I often times spend so much time making sure everyone else is taken care of that I don't take the time to take care of myself. When I do this I often am resentful of others that I spent so much time taking care or that "have butter on their bread" and it makes me miserable.
It is hard to say no for me because I am a people pleaser. I always have been and I probably always will be. It is in my nature to make others happy. I am also afraid of saying no due to others judgements. I am often afraid of how people will perceive me if I say no to something. I need to make a habit to say no to things more often and understand that my worth is not determined by how others perceive me and it is no less important than anyone else.
"Say yes to saying no" This quote stood out to me the most because I feel that this is something I have a hard time with. I like to say yes to doing things with family and friends, but this can quickly become a burden as I can fill my schedule up with too many obligations. I can't do everything all the time, so I need to make sure that I'm remembering to say no sometimes even though I want to say yes.
I liked the quote "Saying No is a form of self care". I wholeheartedly believe this! I am not sure this was the greatest thing for me to listen to, because sometimes I think I need to be pushed to say "Yes" more often! I used to feel guilty about saying no, particularly to social situations. I didn't want to offend anyone, miss out on something fun, or on future invitations. I found myself agreeing to things I really wasn't that interested in, and then when the time came I felt guilty backing out (especially if it was something I had spent money on). I have made a strong effort over the last couple of years to really consider what I am saying yes to, and prioritizing time with my family. I have been so much happier, and I don't find it too hard to say "no". Now as my girls are getting older I might need to work on saying "yes" a little more again!
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I loved this quote because I completely agree -- it's a skill that we all should have but many do not. As I've gotten older, I have gotten better at saying "no" to certain things in my personal life. I have learned where my limits are and have also learned to be okay if my "no" offends or disappoints someone. Something I'm working on right now is saying "no" to watching tv or something pointless when I have down time. I would like to spend my down time doing things I enjoy, being outsides, or even reading. I am finding myself wanting to be more present in my real world so I can be fulfilled each day.
"If you do not feel comfortable saying no to some things at least part of the time, then you are not being loved and valued in a relationship. You are being controlled." This struck a nerve with me. Whether in personal interactions or within the work place, how often do we feel like we can't say no? This quote puts this situation in a different light. It shows how unhealthy many of our work situations actually are right now. Too often a yes is given because the assumption is made that this is what is required, but in reality, it really isn't. I would like to get better at saying no to demands put on my time that really aren't a requirement of my job. If I do something above and beyond, I want it to be because it was something I chose without prompting from others and without it being made out to be "just part of the job".
I loved the analogy of pain in the short term (by saying no) is like a buffet versus the long term gains being like a gourmet meal prepared by Wolfgang Puck.
It makes it hard for me to say no because my personality leans towards people pleaser and I also saw and experienced how it was difficult for my mom as well.
I think I've been working on saying no more and getting stronger at it. Having a young family helps with that at the current moment, but I would like to learn to say no quicker rather than saying "maybe" or "i'll think about it" and then spending torturous time thinking about how to say no.
I really enjoy helping people. This is what makes it hard for me to say no, and especially hard to tell students. I felt a sense of relief when Clark made the statement "No is a form of self-care." This is why I had to learn to say no, and it can be done very politely. There are only so many hours in a day. We love our students and we love spending time with them, but I also love my own children and had to learn to say No, in order to spend more time with my family. The turning point for me was when I felt I was beginning to raise other peoples children. I loved that students came to my class after school for help, even from other classes besides mine. They loved to chat, and I loved it to. I eventually had to politely kick them out.
"Saying this 2-letter word may be our only chance at living a truly fruitful life". I completely agree with this quote by William Clark, however, I struggle with remembering this in the moments that it counts. I find myself saying "yes" within family contexts quite often (too often). I feel like as a mom, I am the one who holds everything together in the family. When I am asked to do something, I usually say yes, and when I say no, I can easily be talked into changing my answer. I am not only making things more difficult for myself, but I am also not teaching my son enough responsibility by having him do things that he can do on his own. This is going to be a focus for me--saying no as a final answer.
I especially liked the quote, "Our no to one thing becomes our yes to another." I liked this because it made me switch my thinking from focusing on what I would lose out or miss out on by saying no to what I would gain from being able to say yes to something else. I feel like I'm pretty good at saying no and protecting my time and energy. Years ago, someone shared the quote with me, "If it's not a hell yes, it's a no", and I have been living by this statement ever since. I guess if I had to pick situations where I could say no more, it would be in regards to going to all of my kids' extra-curricular events. There are times when I could say no and just stay home or go visit my parents instead. I hate to miss their events, but I do go to enough already, and they would be fine without having me there all the time.
"No is a form of self-care". Saying no is hard because of the fear or anxiety that will come with it. This strikes me because I have had this discussion about constantly having to do different school stuff outside of school time. I do feel like we are constantly asked to do more, attend more outside contract hour events, or bring more things to school. I can understand supporting our small school but I should be able to have a choice to say "No" without feeling guilty. Constantly asking for more is tough especially because I have a young family that deserves my time as well. I have learned to start saying no to some of these things so I am taking care of myself and not being overwhelmed with all the extras.
"Saying yes to saying no" really reflected how I've been feeling recently. I used to find it hard to say no in most situations. I was afraid to hurt their feelings, felt like I needed an important reason to say no, and was afraid that by saying no it would affect our relationship in the future. I am now more comfortable saying no and I don't feel the need to give a reason or say a little white lie. I feel as though by saying no when I feel necessary, it allows me to truly do what I feel is best. I struggle to say no to my kids sometimes, and could stick to boundaries with them.
I liked the part where he mentioned “saying no is a form of self-care“. This is going to be my new motto, as I often feel guilt over saying no. I have prided myself on my ability to take on many tasks at once, yet now I’m in a position where I feel overwhelmed and want to have more time for other parts of my life. I also appreciate the suggestions Angela had in her book for saying no in a way that still makes you feel like a team player.
"No is a form of self-care." It is hard for me to say no because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I also feel guilty if I say no and others are saying yes. I really do like to help out, but recently I have said no more than I have in the past. I am trying to consider saying no more often to give my family more attention. I find when I am really busy I am less patient with my children. I don't want my family to suffer when I say yes too often.
The one that resonated with me the most is that "no is a form of self-care". If I say no to things, I often feel guilty about it and I need to remember that it is ok to say no to things and that I need to put myself first in more situations. I can still be a team player by saying no from time to time and if others think less of me for it, it is on them and not me. Saying yes too frequently leads to me not being my best self and then in the end, no one is winning.
I enjoy the reference to Shonda Rhimes book. I enjoyed that book so much, but it has been years. Great reminder of it. Shonda had to start saying yes, to all the no's she had been saying. I also like the statement "take No off the forbidden tree list.
Saying no is a form of self-care. I agreed a great deal with this saying. Far too often, we say yes and we don't truly have the time to complete whatever task is being asked of us. This requires us to use whatever free time we may have for a task we truly don't even want to do. Listening to your body was another statement I agree with. If the task makes you happy, then say yes. However, if it makes your body tingle or your heart race, then we should say no. Often times, I've said yes to things that cause me a great deal of stress whether it be because of the time it requires or because I don't really enjoy the tasks. Saying no is something I truly need to work at.
"Check with your body", is the statement that stands out with me the most. Saying no to family or other staff members, that feel like family, is very difficult. I feel discomfort in to the deep pits of my soul. I feel like I am disappointing them if I don't give them a yes. I must learn that if I feel that inside then I gave them the wrong answer and need to be firm in my NO to promote my own self care.
I appreciated Clark's instructions on "how to say no". He mentioned that instead of giving an abrupt "yes", we should replace it with "I'll think about it". This gives us time to consider (1) Do I have time in my schedule to take on what they are asking me to do? (2) Is saying "yes" going to throw off my work/life balance? I also appreciated that he said saying "I'll think about it" doesn't mean we can just procastinate our way into not answering the question.
I also appreciated that it's important not to say "yes" just to be a people pleaser, because that throws off our work/life balance and our overall productivity as well.
"Say yes to saying no" and "saying no is a form of self care" were both really impactful statements for me. I REALLY struggle saying no, especially to family because I feel like I have to be at every family event, every family meal, etc. and I feel like I need to have a good excuse to say no, or feel the need to lie about being sick. I don't feel I have the will power to say no just because I don't want to, or my energy tank is dry. I am jealous of people that can say no so easily because I want to be seen as helpful, contributing, present at all of those things BUT I also know that that means a sacrifice in my personal energy and happiness and a work/life balance of doing things I need to do for myself and my own family. I need to do a better job of saying no to every school event and function just because my kids want to do it, because that sucks all my free time and energy up. We don't need to go to every carnival, bake sale, book sale, skate party, etc. and the kids will still do fine in school and have friends. Showing the kids how to prioritize their needs vs. wants can help them as they grow up as well as help me prioritize my needs for personal happiness too.
"Saying no is a form of self-care." As a specials teacher, and really this can go for ANY teacher, sometimes I feel like I'm expected - or commanded - to say yes when "asked" to do something, or told there will be a change. Admin and state board members may forget that we're only human and have a limited capacity within ourselves before we can break. Especially in today's world of broken homes, broken children, broken societies, etc. Carrying the weight of the students' mental, emotional, and behavioral needs far surpasses what we even went to school for - to teach academics. I love children, don't get me wrong, but to carry the problems of so many, plus my own, and then go home and try to be a foundational rock for my own family is mentally and physically reaching a breaking point! So, this statement of "Saying no is a form of self-care." could not be more true and school systems need to act on that! So many work places are unhealthy - we feel uncomfortable to say no. Like the video says, that's not being valued, loved, or respected, it's being controlled. This is such a burning topic for me this school year.
I like the idea of responding with "I'll think about it" instead of blindly saying yes. I also agree with William's idea that he is not promoting procrastination with this response, but it is more of a prompt for yourself to take time to think about the request to allow processing of the pro's and con's along with the personal value the request has to you. Responding with I'll think about it shows the person making the request that their request is important to you and you need time to make sure all aspects of the request are thought about before agreeing.
"Saying no is a form of self-care" was my favorite quote, but so many of them spoke to me. Saying no is one of the skills I'm constantly working on. It's hard to say no, especially to family, and friends as I feel like I'm being helpful and needed when asked. How do you say no to those that need your assistance? I also feel overwhelmed with too many commitments and then feel stressed and tired. I liked the idea of "I'll think about it." It gives you time to "check your body" and make a thought-out decision instead of just always saying yes and therefore will eliminate some of the stress and disappointment of being committed to things you wish you weren't in the end. I get asked to volunteer my time for numerous events. I'm now going to use "I'll think about it" so I can "Say yes to saying no," or at least try.
My favorite line is "Saying no is a form of self-care described in just about every self-help book ever written as the necessity to take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others." When I first started teaching I said yes a lot as I was a people pleaser and didn't like conflict. I have learned over the last year but practicing self-care this past year and have said no and have taken my personal days even though it makes more work for me. Those days help me recharge so i can better myself and my students. It isn't always easy, but I am finding it easier. I do that saying no or even yes right away gives me a lot of regret and it is easier for me now to take some time before answering and asking kindly for that time is still hard for me, but I have to think how it might affect other things I have going on or my family.
I agreed with William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No, when he said you should "check your body" as your body tells you what to do before you make a decision. I am a getting better at reading my body, but I still am a people pleaser with saying yes when I know I should say no. Hearing Clark say that your body tells you what to do, you only need to pay attention to it, helps confirm to me that it's okay to say no more often during the times I should as I need to protect my time--this is self care. I would like to say no more often during times when others can also help out as I'm not the only one. My time is just as important as anyone else's time. Sometimes I forget this.
I appreciated the comment he made about how saying no is a form of self-care. Having 6 children myself, I was always asked/told that I should volunteer to teach religion class, summer school, bible school, and other kid oriented activities in my "free time". I used to feel obligated to say yes, or I was being selfish. I was told my our church priest at the time to think on it and saying no is ok! It was the best advice I heard. It helped be understand that sometimes saying no is better than saying yes and feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I do not always say no, but I definitely do think on decisions big or small. What might sound good today or easy to add to my schedule, can in reality be a huge addition to one's workload!
My favorite comment is about saying no is a litmus test – if you can’t say no some of the time then you aren’t being treated the way you should in that relationship. You are being controlled. Saying no for me is hard because I feel I am disappointing someone or not being helpful. I will say no more, because it is a form of self care and realizing that is huge.
I really enjoyed this talk, and it was hard to choose a favorite line. One of the top lines for me came at the end of the video: “It is essential to recognize that we have the power and the right to prioritize our own self-interest, and as terrifying as that may seem at times, it is an essential component of living a healthy adult lifestyle.” Like many people, it can be hard for me to say no because I don’t want to let anyone down, and I worry that saying no will lead to options being closed to me in the future. For instance, if I say no to this opportunity now, the opportunity (or ones like it) will never be presented to me again. Currently, I’ve been trying to say no more in order to prioritize time with my family. I’ve been a coach and advisor over the years, and while I love the relationships I can build with students through those experiences, my priority right now is to be available for my own children’s sports and activities. I have not been a coach or an advisor for a few years, and I have received negative attention for it periodically since the expectation is often for high school teachers to take on those extra duties. When I made the decision to stop coaching three years ago, I worried about letting people down, but ultimately, the thought of having that extra time to be with my family felt like a weight off my shoulders. I know that a lot of people thrive on coaching, but for me, I know that saying no to those activities benefits me and my family.
As a former science teacher, the litmus test analogy spoke to me. As a self proclaimed people-pleaser, no is a word that very rarely found its way into my vocabulary. It had always seemed that the way to be a part of a team, make a difference, etc., was to always say yes. It would worry me if I said no. I would wonder what the person/group/organization thought of me. I worried I wouldn't be viewed as a team player or someone who was helpful. As I have gotten older I realize that if that is the case for that relationship then it isn't healthy. You should be able to say yes or no and still be viewed as the same person regardless of your response.
"Say yes to saying no," is a simple and meaningful line. I don't necessarily have a hard time saying no to requests, what I get in trouble with is finding things that need to be done that no one else seems to be doing. If no one is driving the bus, I will. No coach for that JH sport? I'll do it. There should be a bridge across that creek south of the football field? No worries, I will build you a bridge. I guess I like to be busy, but that does come at a cost. I know I get more tired, more grumpy and more irritable with my family when I am so busy. I really need to stop looking for extra things to do and just enjoy the little bit of free time that I get.
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I feel that living in a small community makes it harder for me to say no. When you know everyone really well, I seem to take things more personally and worry that someone might get irritated if I say no. I also feel that within a small community, it takes a village to get things done so I tend to say yes to more things...even though there are people within the community that never seem to say yes.
"Saying yes, to saying no" was my favorite quote from the video. The ability to do this is somewhat of an art. It takes practice to learn how to say no without offending anyone or making people upset. I learned to say no to extra duties and additional work at school a long time ago. My family time is much more important than putting in extra time (coaching or committees) at my job.
My favorite was "say yes, to saying no". I am the person that always says yes because I'm afraid I might hurt someone's feelings. I like how he said pay attention to how your body is responding. If you get a knot in your stomach, you should probably say no. I really need to work on this in my professional and personal life!
One of my favorite lines from the video was, "Say yes to saying no." I like to please others and make others happy. I guess I would often say yes to things that I didn't even feel like doing because I thought it was the "right" thing to do. I don't like people to be disappointed in me or upset with me. Sometimes I am also afraid that I might miss out on something if I say no. Although I do think there are times when the right thing to do is say yes, I am working on saying no when I know it is really the best choice for my well-being.
My favorite line was at the end of the video - "When it comes to saying no, we must accept that our choices may come with some unpleasant consequences." He said in the long run, losses will lead to gains. This spoke to me because I have a few people in my life who struggle with saying no, which in turn causes problems in my life because needs that should be met, are not being met. I think this is such an important line because saying no is usually hard and uncomfortable, but I think the more we do it, the easier it becomes. I truly do not have a hard time saying no, sometimes I do - but not all the time. Some things that are hard to say no to for me are helping others when they ask or being there for people who do not necessarily deserve it. Something I want to become better at are not doing the things others ask of me when they don't deserve it and feeling at peace with it and not feeling guilty.
"Say yes to saying no," is a quote that stood out to me. I have always had a hard time saying no when someone asks me to do something or letting go of something that I have been a part of for years. I am definitely a people pleaser, who has fears of missing out and I have always had the mindset that if you say no or quit something, I am not a kind or good person. It is hard to break free from that thought process, but I know it could make a big difference in my life if I just said no. I can say no to things and still be a good, kind person. I am actually very proud of myself this year because I was able to say no to being the cheer coach which is something I have done for the past 8 years. However, I found myself in a rut of dreading and complaining about certain tasks associated with coaching that it was taking a toll on me and ultimately my family. As hard as it was for me to say no (lots of tears shed, stomach pains over the fear of what others would say or think of me), once I finally handed in that resignation a complete weight lifted off my shoulders. As hard as it was, I now see how saying no could help me more in the future.
My favorite analogy in this talk was the idea that saying "no" is like portion control. I also liked the thought that saying yes too often, too thoughtlessly, can compromise our identity development and our excellence. One reason saying "no" is that our faculty and staff give so much of themselves and so it can stand out if someone is not giving as much as others (eg: volunteering). Also, the needs are real and many times it is the same people who end of volunteering over and over again. Saying "no" feels like an indication that I am not a team player. As a part-time teacher, I actually do say "no" quite often, but I also have feelings of guilt for those "no's".
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
I liked his advice to replace an automatic "Yes" with "I'll think about it," which allows more time to think about options and weigh benefits and costs. I appreciated this because I don't like to be put on the spot, and it's hard for me to say "no" right there in the moment. I like to have the time to process the options and determine the pros and cons. I am one of those pleasers he talked about, so it is definitely hard for me to say no. I also liked how he mentioned that your "no" to something is your "yes" to something else. I like that reframing of it. Telling someone at work that I'm not going to do some menial task (like yet ANOTHER data spreadsheet) is me saying yes to prioritizing my wants/needs.
The line that resonated with me was when he spoke about if your "yes" makes you feel uncomfortable or sick or wrong someway on the inside then you probably need to say no. I like the idea of the woman who said yes to saying no for that year while she tried all sorts of things that scared and challenged her. I know in an old position, I was really a "yes" person, and it didn't end up adding value to me with that institution. It had the opposite effect and made it easier for them to discard me when I did finally say no.
I would like to say no more often to some of my grading, but that is a self-imposed problem. As a middle school ELA teacher (the only one in the building) I believe in the power of my feedback for students; however, often I see that feedback being ignored or tossed aside. I would like to think about how to better use that feedback to impact my students' writing and their work.
"Saying yes to saying no", if saying yes can add value to you and your life I am all for it. But I think saying no can also add value. When moving to a new school I was ready to dive in and help out anywhere I could and said yes to most things. I have found that saying I will consider it has helped to really evaluate if it is something I can give 100% too.
The opening story about the speaker's inability to say no to his grandmother when she offers him more food really stood out to me. I relate to this story in that I think a big reason why I have difficulty saying no is due to my reluctance to disappoint the person asking me to do something, especially when the person is someone I care about. In my school life for example, it is difficult for me to say no to staying up late grading papers because I care about my students and want to give them feedback as quickly as possible. In my personal life, I would like to be able to say no more to some demands on my time by extended family members without feeling like I am snubbing or disappointing them.
“By allowing ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our “no” to one thing, becomes a “yes” to another....”
This is such a succint way to sum up the ramifications of the choices we make. When I was a young woman and a young mom, I said yes to everything I could for a variety of reasons: one, it's my nature; two, I think I was trying to prove my worth to others and myself, show that I was a competent grown up; three, I was raised in a loving, supportive family with parents who taught me to volunteer, to give back, so it's a duty; and four, as a stay-at-home mom after six years of teaching, I think I felt I owed it to the world since I was fortunate enough to get to stay home.
As I got older (and wiser), as I experienced how fast my time with my children at home was passing, I started being choosier with my comittments. I still volunteered way too much, but it was for things that involved my kids, that were for school and church, etc. With one child left at home, I'm in the process again of reevaluting how I spend my time. What do I care about, what do I enjoy, where can I help the most for this next chapter of my life.
"One No haunts us longer than one Yes." WOW! This statement resonates with me to a perfect T! I am labeled as a pleaser and I truly want to provide assistance in anyway that I can as not to leave a heavy burden on someone else (as I know that feeling all to well). I feel terrible when I do actually so no to something as I have often been on the side of the situation when you are left to do something all by yourself and that workload becomes relentless. So, I tend to say Yes as I don't want to put someone else in that situation of feeling overwhelmed.
With age and experience, I have been able to prioritize my yes and no responses. And a huge, helpful push from my husband. Ha! I find myself saying yes to the things that I am most passionate about and saying no to things which are not on my priority list. The only thing i would change is the capability of knowing all of this 20 years ago when I was barely keeping my head above water with all of my yes decisions. I am at peace with my ability to say no now and it is such an empowering feeling. :)
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
I liked the line "to live better, we need to do less." This is especially relevant to my school life, but also needs to apply to my home life. I also really liked the thought that instead of replying with a hasty 'yes', I should instead say, "I'll think about it."
Sometimes it makes it hard for me to say no, because I feel that I am the only one who is willing to help. That is how I became the co-leader of one of my daughter's Girl Scout troops. I have gotten put on many committees at church because they needed someone in my age category, and there did not seem to be many other options. I am also definitely a people pleaser and do not want to let other people down. I often prioritize my children and my students above myself.
I need to say no more often in regards to school work. No, I will not stay at work past x:xx time. No, I will not do any school work over the weekend. No, I will not devote more than x number of nights during the week to keep me caught up. Over 21 years of teaching, there are years that I have been better at saying these 'no's' and years that I have not. It's an ongoing struggle.
"Saying no is a form of self care." I really liked this line because I find myself just constantly saying yes because I want to be helpful and I am a new teacher, so I want people to think that I am useful to have around at the school. After three years of constantly saying yes, and having so much on my plate, I realized that it was okay to say no. This quote really stuck with me because I have found that it is okay to say no because I can't add another thing to my load, and people normally understand and accept the answer. It is hard for me to say no when my principal or mentor ask me to do something. I just want to help out and I find it hard to say no to people that I really respect and look up to. The biggest times that I will say no is when I have way too much going on and I am very overwhelmed, or if I do not feel qualified or comfortable doing a task that is being asked.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
The analogy of William Clark's grandmother and the Thanksgiving dinner was fantastic. It is true; we want to respect the other person by accepting that piece of pie after we ate a large dinner.
I have learned over the years that saying 'no' has helped me in my career as well as personal life. I was one of those individuals who would be considered a 'pleaser' and I have been working on this. Now, I prioritize what is important versus not so much. My personal life and career seems to flow much better. As mentioned it is a choice an individual makes. Of course there is a consequence in the choices I make, but I am not afraid of what the future holds for me, and this was a big step for me.
There were a number of phrases and concepts from the video that I appreciated!: - "the ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." - "in order to live better, we need to do less" - protect the tasks that are most important to us The last phrase deeply resonated with me; saying no to some things will protect the time you do have, to focus on activities and people in your life that really matter to you. What has made it hard for me to say no in the past was pressure from the school culture to be "invested" and prove that the position is more than just a job to you. As the author of our book discusses in detail, there are unspoken expectations in a school that can make it difficult to say no. Risking disappointing someone, or fear of missing an opportunity also make it hard to say no. In being a stay at home Mom now, I am working on saying no to myself sometimes in adding new things to my plate. I have become much better at saying no in recent years, when I realized how saying yes really means having to sacrifice yourself too much sometimes. I've really come to value free time to relax and explore my hobbies, and value not being exhausted and stressed out. I think when one figures out what brings them joy and what matters most to them, it makes it easier to say no to things outside of that.
Say Yes to Say No, and Instead of saying Yes, say Let me think about it.
It is very hard for me to say No to most things because I do not want to upset other people or have it look like I don't want to put in the effort. I often feel like I have to explain myself as to why I say No to things. I think we as teachers already have a lot on our plate, and to add more for me, gives me more stress! Less is sometimes More!
The quote from the video, "the ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have" resonated with me. You have to be able to say no for yourself. To do things for yourself, for the sake of your own time, and to do the things you enjoy better. Saying no is a form of self care. I do not have saying no to my students or my children or my husband. But at work, if another teacher or administrator asked me to help or do something, most times I would be saying yes. Often because I know I can do it or I want other people to think I am willing to help others and am not selfish. I like how the video recommended to say "I will think about it" instead of saying yes or no right away.
"Say Yes to Saying No" was my favorite line he used. Probably easier said than done, but I am getting better about it! I am a people pleaser so that is my downfall when it comes to saying no. I would like to say no more often when it comes to mundane tasks and ways I have maybe 'unconsciously' chosen to spend my time. It's easy to keep scrolling facebook posts on my phone in the morning instead of getting up and going for a walk. I want to say no to some time wasting bad habits.
My favorite line was "Saying no is a form of self-care. It is the only choice at living a fruitful life." It is hard for me to say no because I like to help others and I also like to stay busy. When my children were young, I volunteered to help with their activities because I wanted to be involved with what they were doing. At school when I’m asked to serve on a committee, it is hard for me to say no because I want to be a team player. I want to do my part rather than sit back and let others do all the work. I do enjoy staying busy. I don’t like to sit still for long periods of time. Over the years, I have worked on saying no more often. I try to do simple things to take care of myself. I enjoy going for walks, exercising, shopping, getting my nails done, or getting a massage. Then I reassure myself that it’s good to do these things for myself. It’s a good reminder to slow down and enjoy life!
“Saying no is a form of self-care” and “Replace your hasty ‘yes’ with ‘I’ll think about it’” were two of my favorite lines from William Clark’s talk. Both of these resonated with me and I thought they tied together also. Sometimes, I find myself saying yes to avoid uncomfortable situations. I think that delaying my response in some situations could help me better decide when it is right to say yes or no. Saying no is hard for me when I feel like I’m letting someone down. I would like to consider saying no more often when I feel like I’m spreading myself too thin. Remembering that saying no is a form of self-care would help in those types of situations.
I liked his analogy that saying yes to too many things is like over eating. It leaves you feeling too full and physically exhausted. Saying no is hard because I am often afraid to disappoint friends or administration. I like his analogy that saying no is selfcare in the same way that showering and brushing your teeth is important. I like his, "I'll think about it," phrasing when presented with an option. It gives me time to weigh the options and when I say no, they know I've given it consideration.
I can relate to saying yes as a willingness to please others. I can also see how no is a form of self care, similar to how people take care of themselves in other ways. I agree that I prioritize other people and tasks over myself and that is why I often say yes to things. I would like to start saying no more often to household tasks that I put on myself. I do like to live in an orderly, clean, picked up home, but I could ask for a few tasks to be done by the other people who live here. Or I could let some of it go. In situations where I say yes because I think it is just easier if I do it myself, maybe I need to really consider if it is easier for me or just easier for everyone else.
Saying no has often been hard for me for a few different reasons. To some extent, I am a people pleaser and I have natural tendencies to be helpful. I often think saying yes makes me a better person in the eyes of others. I most often would fall into the 80% which the video says cannot stomach the idea of saying no. This has served me well in some instances, but been a chronic downfall for me most of the time. It leads to stress, or chronic stress, and then shifting the blame onto others for my woes created from lack of time management or choosing other things over what is best for me. As the video states, "saying yes too often, too thoughtlessly to the wrong questions, can compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence that we are capable of achieving." Clark also makes the point that "we chase every possible perk behind every opportunity because if we don't say yes, we might miss out." This is often true for me. The idea of how the brain to negative information makes sense, as the video points out, I am often reluctant to inflict pain onto others, which makes sense why I often feel I need to say yes vs no. However, Clark emphasizes that saying no is a form of self care, and that say no is an option. He reminds viewers that "there are just times you should not eat another bite," and "in order to live better, we must do less." In my everyday life, I would like to say no to the unnecessary extras teachers are often asked to do with our "spare" time, such as committees, after school activity work, volunteering, etc. At home, I would like to say no to doing everyone else's work, pushing myself thing with daily household tasks that could be delegated, and saying no to myself, when my thoughts tell me that I have to do everything. As Clark states, "we will never be able to change our compulsion to do too much unless we affirm the value that no possesses." As the video states, learning to say no is part of creating an effective work/life balance that I have been lacking for way too many of my 25 years of teaching. Through this book study and a few other PD experiences I am taking this summer, I hope to find that balance. Clark finishes by saying, " when we allow ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our no to one thing becomes a yes to another so that we can savor every bite without overindulging."
“In order to live better, we need to do less,” was my favorite quote. Quality over quantity is how I am interpreting this whole video. We shouldn’t be saying yes out of guilt. I have said yes to some duties out of a sense of guilt and I need to quit doing that because we have limited time here on Earth and should make the most of it even if that means saying “no”. I
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
"In order to live better, we need to do less"
This quote really stood out to me. As a newer educator, it has been hard for me to find ways to say no. Especially those first few years, you feel like you have no other option but to say yes to all those extra assignments, committees, etc. I also gave away WAY TOO much time by coming in early and staying late. As previously mentioned, with a baby at home now, I will be protecting my boundaries and time because my family deserves it. Saying no gets to be hard sometimes because you feel as though you are letting others down by declining something, but you have to consider what is best for you. Easier said then done, but a skill to be working on!
A line that is memorable to me is "Saying yes to saying no". I am a pleaser and want people to be okay with me and my decisions. I enjoy helping others and sometimes do so in spite of the cost of those decisions. So, I would like to start saying no so that I can do more of the things I want to do. That starts and ends with me and I need to take ownership of my ability to say yes to saying no!
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." The first thing I thought of after he said this was how often I tell my 3 year old to not tell me no. So, have we be trained from a young age that saying no is bad and have carried this over into our adult lives? I will be changing those conversations I have been having with my children. Saying no isn't bad, it just has a place. I think that this is part of my problem. In the work place, I like to be helpful and answer questions from others when I can. This sometimes gets me in trouble and signed up for things that I really don't want to do OR want to do but my time available really doesn't allow it. I am not so much a people pleaser but like to help those who need it. Finding the importance of when to say no because of time allowance or my own to do list will be something to get used to.
My favorite quote from the video is that saying no is one of the most important skills you can have. Saying no is a way of saying that we care about ourselves and want was is best for us. I think for me the reason saying no is so hard is I don't want to let those that mean something to me down. I also feel that I have some fear of saying no. Within the past few years, I have been trying to work on this. I have learned that I am so much happier when I say no to things that do not set my soul on fire. I recently heard someone say if it is not an immediate yes than it is an absolutely not for me. If there is hesitation in wanting to do it, it probably means you already intrinsically know it is not something you should do. I feel like in my personal life I have gotten better about saying no but in my professional life it is still a struggle. I would like to get better about saying no to things at school that are not in my best interest.
My favorite line is "Replace your hasty "Yes" with "I'll think about it." Our staff is often asked to give up their prep time to sub when we the school can't supply a substitute for the day. It is hard to say no to this situation. If I don't do it, someone else will be asked to and I'm not "helping the team." It would be easier if everyone would say no, then I wouldn't have so much guilt. I have tried to say no often in this situation. My philosophy is if we keep making ends meet then administration or school board will not know this is a problem.
A quote that stuck out to me was about no being "...unfairly labeled a forbidden fruit." I think that really sums up the problem with saying no as a teacher. It is such an expectation that teachers should be team players always prioritizing what is best for the students that saying no to something can feel impossible. Saying no feels selfish and illicit, we worry about who will get stuck with it if we say no, we worry what administrators will think about us if we say no and in the end we are guilted into the yes.
“The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have.” "Saying yes to saying 'No" "In order to live better, we need to do less" These were some of the things that resonated most with me. I am such a people pleaser, I would say yes to everybody if I could help them out. I hate to disappoint people and would do things to help them no matter what the cost to me. If I would say no, I would feel guilty and end of doing it anyway. I'm getting better at it, but it is still a challenge. I've learned over the years, being a people pleaser and doing extra things doesn't make people like or respect you any more than if you don't. It just causes you more stress in trying to do too much! Learning to say no is a very good skill to work on.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? "The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I have a very hard time saying “no” – not to my children at home but to people at work or in the community. I have gotten stronger thanks to some wonderfully fantastic colleagues and admin that I have had the opportunity to work with but sometimes saying “no” causes me more anxiety than just saying yes and doing whatever is asked of me. I am working on it and will continue to get more structured in when I say no and when I say yes.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
" Always saying yes can compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence we are capable of achieving." "The fear of if we don't say yes, we might miss out."
There is a lot of pressure often times on teachers to go above and beyond. The phrase "do it for the kids" is engrained in us constantly. As a new teacher I especially felt that I needed to prove myself and make sure I was seen as a valuable member of my community. The ability to say no is a skill I am still working on, but it is one that I have been slowly getting more comfortable with using.
I resonated greatly with his statement that saying yes, all the time can rob us of achievements. As the art teacher, I am constantly asked to paint things, help out with activities, art shows, personal projects for the community, etc. Because I want my program to be seen and feel valued, I constantly feel and have felt the pressure to say yes to those tasks. This I found led to burn out. His analogy with the bread not being buttered and instead only being a trail of crumbs was exactly how I have felt. By saying yes to all those extra tasks, it often took away from other important things I could be growing within my program, but it also left me with an empty cup with little energy to pursue other things.
Going forward I want to have the confidence and foresight to saying no to many of the extra projects people assume are "easy" and not time consuming simply because I am an artist with those skills. My time and work are valuable.
Well...the first half of this video is all too correct. "We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread…” I always tell people that you can't pour from and empty jug. which to me feels the same. I have always been the people pleaser... However when I took my yoga teacher training I found more power within myself and better understood self care. I still say "yes" far to often but I have gotten better at saying "no" since doing that training.
It is hard for me to say "No" when I feel like I am giving someone else more work. I am the person who never wants to impose, cause someone else discomfort, or let someone down. (all things said in the video)
Times when I can and should say no are to some of the extra things such as fixing other people's things (because I can sew I get asked often to hem, fix all sorts of things...I have fixed stuffed animals, backpacks, coats, pants, mittens and hats, est... I also just get asked to make things for people because I know how to -not just sewing)
Even after the first reading and the Ted Talk, I am hesitant to go all in. I understand the importance of self-care but I also know the best thing I can do for myself is to help others. Of course, I don't have any hard data to back up this conjecture, but in my experience serving others does wonderful things for our spirit. Having said that, I can get on board with replacing yes with, "I'll think about it."
This quote stood out to me "All this aside, saying no is a form of self care described in just about every self-help book ever written as the necessity to take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others." - As a daycare provider in a town where daycare is limited, I have had to learn to say no to families that I'd love to have because I know that if I don't I will "spread myself too thin" and not be able to properly care for the children I do have. At first this was hard for me and I felt bad turning people away but I have learned that saying no is ok and that I have to think of not just my own self-care but that of the children I am watching.
"Saying no is a form of self care." I love this quote because it is so true, you can not pour from an empty cup. I am a people pleaser and it is hard for me to say no because I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have begun to say no more to things that require time outside my contract hours and things on the weekend because that time I want to save and spend with my daughter and family.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
"Saying no is a form of self-care."
Saying no is very difficult for me. I am a helper, by nature. I know helping people. This is probably why many of us became teachers. Being a servant is something that I take to heart. Naturally, when I am asked to help with something, I usually do not even find the extra task to be considered, "work," as I typically enjoy being there.
I have gotten a little better about saying no throughout my years in the classroom. When I got married, there were new responsibilities that I had. As, I had each kiddo, I also go better at saying no to the things that were not serving me.
I am the head girls basketball coach at our school. I think one of the things that makes it so difficult for me to say no is the fact that I need volunteers to help me run basketball events, so I feel like if I ask for volunteers during my season, then I need to volunteer at other times.
Saying no really is a GREAT form of self care for me. I want to continue working on this!
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have"
I chose this one because the way that I was raised I was taught that it was important to make people happy and do for others and be selfless. If people need you to step into a role or fill a position it was your duty to do it. But the older I've gotten the more I'm realizing how exhausting it is to say yes and be the one to fill the positions and step up to make sure everyone else is taken care of before myself. As teachers that is the expectation and there is always pressure to work harder. Recently I have given up both of my coaching positions (cross country and track) because I was exhausted! I was teaching 5 different science classes at my rural high school, raising a family, and coaching two different sports. That was an insane amount of time spent on things I felt I "had" to do. Now that I've given up coaching and have spent time focusing on only my teaching and being a mother, I'm a lot happier now!
His analogy to cooking and a grandmother or mother who always wants you to take another bite, or have a plate to go is so relatable!
In the school/teacher role what makes it hard for me to say no has been our constant turn over my first 6 years in education. People would come for a year and then leave so when another committee spot opened up I would always say yes because I had the mentality of "well who is going to do it if i don't". We have grown such a wonderful team in the last 4 years that the workload is easily shared now.
My mom was always a hard worker a d a YES women at work and I think I also have that fear of disappoint sometimes if I'm also not always a yes person.
I am slowly learning that "saying no is a form of self care" and being okay with the consequences that may come.
"Saying no is a form of self-care." I have definitely practiced this as I have gotten older and wiser! I raised two very busy kids involved in sports, music, church, etc. Involved kids mean involved parents. I am now enjoying my adult children, and I now can make choices of what I want to do for me.
"Saying no is a form of self-care." This line resonated with me because I definitely find myself having a difficult time saying "no" to things. I want to help however I can and feel bad when I say no. I have found though that saying "yes" to too many things makes me feel overwhelmed and stressed out. I have had many times where I have later regretted saying "yes" to so many things. I usually regret it because it takes time away from my family and the other things that I really enjoy. This is something I am working on.
"We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread." This strongly resonates with me. I have started to realize that taking on extra responsibilities and roles did not make people respect me more or make me feel any better. Instead, it made me feel exhausted and overwhelmed. I continue to get better at saying no, but it is still extremely hard. However, I know it is important to stand up for myself by saying no to certain roles.
I love the thought of replacing yes...with I'll think about it. Not only is that a response that is not impulsive but it truly does give you the opportunity to think through what is the best in that particular situation.
I appreciated the replacing a hasty yes with an "I'll think about it" was a great idea. I am one that does need time to process and sometimes if I say yes too quickly I ask myself later what I got myself into but then I feel stuck because I've committed and I am not one to back down on a committment as I want to be a reliable person to those in my life.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often? “Saying no is a form of self care” is a quote that I liked. It is choosing to use your time for other things that you feel you have to get done. Sometimes it is hard to say no because you want to please people and you want them to like you. You want to be looked at as a team player and share responsibility. I have a friend that was always asking for favors but never returning the favor. It got to the point where I was resenting her because I felt used and not appreciated. I started to respond to her with yes, I can take your kids on this day if you can take them the next day. Or I would limit it and only say yes one out of three favors - it made her find another way to figure things out. I think some people see our teacher schedule and decide since we are done working at 4:00 (on most nights) and have summers free that we should be able to help run their kids as well as our own.
"Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice at living a fruitful life." Self care shows self respect and a confidence many of my students need to see. When we are wore down the fruit is not shown and students do not have a proper role model in front of them. Sometimes it is hard to say no because it is a form of control. I would like to control things to go the way I want them to. That adds way too much on my plate and getting the just of what needs to be done. I need to overlook some details at different points in what is going on. My own kids need me to say no more often to things I want to control and hand control to them. I need them to be independent reliable adults so it is ok for them to control things and see consequences for finishing a task or not. I tend to control how laundry, dishes, and meals are done. I need to understand that it's ok if it is not just the way I would do them and it is helping in the long run.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
No can serve as a litmus test to the strength of our relationships...if you cannot say no to some of the things some of the time you are not being loved or valued, you are being controlled. What makes it hard is that I put everyone else's needs and priorities above my own. I wish to be accepted. Plus, I am a peace maker, people pleaser. Plus, I am kind. There are people out there willing to take advantage of that. I would like to say "no" more often when my adult children ask me to do things that they are fully capable of doing for themselves. I also would like to tell myself "no" more when it's evening on a school day and I am still at my desk so that I do have some energy left for other areas of my life! The need to sharpen my axe is real.
'Saying no to one thing, may mean saying yes to another.'
Opportunities may pop up on the daily-- ensuring that your time bank is being used wisely and in ways that enhance your living is so important. Ultimately, the time is spent but determining how and where you want it spent, knowing that you DO get to choose is important. Becuase I would like to say yes to more time spent with family and encouraging students to love learning, I want to say no to overcommitting to meetings that take away from passionate learning, so I can say yes to spending time fostering interests in my children and students. I want to say no to indecisiveness that prolongs too many options and commit (if even just for now) to planning and follow through. I think we are losing a lot of opportunities wishing and wondering instead of trying!
My favorite two lines from this Ted Talks is "We view saying yes as the path of least resistance, leading us to bite off more than we can chew" and "Saying no is a form of self care." It's extremely hard for me to say no. I enjoy making others happy and like showing that I'm a team player so I often say yes when opportunities arise or people ask me for help. I'd like to try to say no to things that don't fulfill me, even if they fulfill others. I'd like to start saying no to things that take time away from myself and my family.
My favorite line was "Live Better- Do Less". I have a hard time saying no. I have gotten better through the years but it is still something I have to work on. I hate the thought of letting someone down or not doing enough. Habit Seven for Leader in Me is Sharpen the Saw- Take Care of Yourself. Teaching my students this habit has made me reflect on my own life and to try to make sure I am taking care of myself so I can take care of others. I need to keep working on saying no and realizing that I don't have to do it all!
Tanya Petterson I don't like the word no to be said to me. Therefore, I will always say yes when somebody asks me to do something. I will usually have more on my plate than I can possibly do. I feel like if I say no, I am letting someone down. I need to learn to take care of myself and my well-being. I also need to "live better--do less"--a favorite line from the Ted talk.
'Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice of living a fruitful life.' This sentence is just one of the many sayings I liked about this Ted Talk. I have a really hard time saying no, just like so many others. I feel like when I say, no, I am being selfish. If I say, no, it just makes someone else have to do the job. I have gotten better at the age of 62 to just START saying, no, to some things. Maybe it is my age, but, I've never been a 'me' person, but, now at my age I am starting to realize that I absolutely NEED to start taking care of myself. I can't keep going at the pace I am going: teaching full time and volunteering for things every night. It it time to start saying, no, and not feel guilty about it.
A few of my favorite lines: There are times you just shouldn't eat another bite... The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have... If we don't say yes... we might miss out Negative lingers longer than Positive - insult vs compliment, one no vs. one yes Saying No is a form of self-care - Say Yes to saying NO Our no to one thing, becomes Yes to another! So that we can savor every bite without over indulging.
I'm getting better at saying no. I have always struggled with being a people pleaser - and I realize I often don't say no, because then I can do it "my way". At work, I've been trying to be better at delegating tasks, realizing I don't always have to be the one to do it.
Sorry for the duplication, I forgot to include my name the first time.
A few of my favorite lines: There are times you just shouldn't eat another bite... The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have... If we don't say yes... we might miss out Negative lingers longer than Positive - insult vs compliment, one no vs. one yes Saying No is a form of self-care - Say Yes to saying NO Our no to one thing, becomes Yes to another! So that we can savor every bite without over indulging.
I'm getting better at saying no. I have always struggled with being a people pleaser - and I realize I often don't say no, because then I can do it "my way". At work, I've been trying to be better at delegating tasks, realizing I don't always have to be the one to do it.
Wait...saying no is an option...huh....wonder what that is like.... "saying no is a from of self-care" I liked this because I am definetly one that struggles to say no. One of my coworker tells me that ALL the time and because of this inability I add too much to my plate and really struggle with taking on too much or feeling like saying "yes" and being a part of many things makes me worthy. I need to bring in the thought of "saying no is a form of self-care" and take care of ME before others.
ReplyDeletebtw- this post is from Shelly Berning
DeleteWhen I was teaching in a smaller school, it was almost expected to do more than just be a teacher. I was the midbus driver in the am and pm, taught first grade and in the evenings (when there were games) I was concession manager. I think I felt obligated to help out. There were other staff members that hardly had anything on their plate and they were able to say no. Why did I feel like I had to do the extra work? I like what he said about saying yes to saying no. When I moved to a bigger district, I was excited by the fact that I would not be expected to do extra jobs. This year, I have not been asked to do anything extra. I love that I have more time for myself.
ReplyDelete“We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread…”. This really resonates with me. Over the years, I have come to realize that taking on extra responsibilities didn’t make me more respected or liked or make me feel better about myself. It just made me feel tired and, sometimes, used. I have gotten better at saying no, but it is still hard. I work and live in a small community and there are never enough volunteers to go around.
ReplyDelete"Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice at living a fruitful life." I like this quote because it is the exact opposite of what I do. I find it hard to say no when I get asked to do something or asked a question when in reality it's the best thing for you. Like anything I think it's important to find balance between saying yes and no. Sometimes we get asked to help cover other classrooms on our prep period. I want to say no because I want to use that time to plan for the next day, but I also know that my colleagues need me to help. Also, there has been plenty of times where they have helped me, so I feel like yes is the right thing to do.
ReplyDelete"Say yes to saying no," is a quote that stood out to me. I have a hard time saying no when someone asks me to do something. I have always associated being a good person with saying yes when someone asks you to do something. It is hard to break free from that thought process, but I know that it could make a big difference in my life. I can say no to things and still be a good, kind person. I am hoping to grow in this area and work hard to make sure that I am taking care of my class, my family, and myself.
ReplyDeleteHere are some of my favorite lines and analogies:
ReplyDelete“The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have.”
“…we wind up so busy trying to please others that we fail to notice something important that we have no butter on our bread at all, just a trail of crumbs for the birds to eat, and no way out of a forest of responsibility and obligation.”
“All this aside, saying no is a form of self-care described in just about every self-help book ever written as the necessity to take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others.”
“By allowing ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our “no” to one thing, becomes a “yes” to another....”
Personally, I do not have any trouble saying no. If I do not want to do something, I will just be honest about it. Sometimes I will say, let me think about it. In the past, I used to be afraid to say no because I was worried that I might not be liked as much and worried what others thought about me. Not so much anymore.
His comparison between a mediocre buffet and a catered meal from Wolfgang Puck was very relatable. I would rather have a smaller volume with greater enjoyment than a large volume with minimal enjoyment and satisfaction.
ReplyDeleteCoupled with Watson's focus on that we always have a choice, these are very empowering and encouraging antedotes.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"Saying no is a form of self care." I really liked that quote in general because I do have a lot of people pleasing qualities. I care what others think and care if someone is going to be upset if I say no so I end up doing stuff that makes everyone else happy before myself. I've found that this is actually something I've been working really hard on personally the last few months is just accepting and knowing it's ok to say no and I have the right to set boundaries for myself and say no. Sometimes having that peaceful time to myself to re-set is so refreshing as opposed to always being on the go.
"Saying yes to saying no." This line stood out to me as it is a struggle of mine especially at school. All the "yes" add to my plate and before I realize I don't have time to prioritize myself or the things that will allow me to be a better teacher. I care what others think of me and will be upset if someone has a negative thought. I often feel as if they will be disappointed or their thoughts of me might change if I say no. I have been working on setting boundaries for myself at school and in my personal life as to what I need to worry about or care about.
ReplyDeleteCallie Dutenhoffer
ReplyDeleteI liked the phrase, "How to say no to the chocolate cake...Replacing yes with, "I'll think about it." I struggle to say "no" because I just always want to be super helpful. If I see a friend or family member, or even a colleague that seems stressed and needs help, when they ask for it, I HAVE to say yes, right!? After listening to this Ted Talk, I truly want to work on saying "I'll think about it" right away instead of saying "yes" and being stuck in the commitment. I also want to be better about asking other people to help ME in return, instead of always doing my tasks alone and then always helping others. A lot of times I find it too late after saying yes to helping someone being exhausted and worn down in my personal and family life. I then don't have the energy to give to them that they deserve.
I liked his analogy about the butter on the bread and his quote 'saying yes to saying no".
ReplyDeleteWhat makes it hard for me to say no is that it feels rude or impolite. I think growing up and how I was raised we were taught that it wasn't right to tell people no. I think that it is important to know what you can say yes to and what you need to turn down. I think there are ways that we can say no without it sounding disrespectful or come across as rude. I like the idea of saying "I'll have to check if that will work for me" because it shows you really do care and want to help, but you also care about yourself and your time. I can't think of specific instances where I would like to say no more. I think I'm usually pretty good about knowing what I can fit into my schedule and what I cannot.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteThe idea that saying "no" can lead to a more fruitful life was great! I am a people pleaser, so saying "yes" has been my auto-response for years. Pretty much if someone asked for help with something, it came out as a "Sure, no problem", even if it was a problem. I have started working on saying no to things in the last year or so. If it is something that will cut into too much time with my kids or time that I need to take for myself, I will find a way to shorten my help time, or simply say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not available".
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I have learned this a lot in the past year or two. As my work schedule became more demanding, I simply could not meet every request with "yes" the way I had in the past. It occurred to me that saying "no" to some things meant saying "yes" to the best things.
ReplyDeleteSaying "no" is hard for me when it comes to helping other people out in some way. I may consider saying "no" more in the future to activities that are not important to me or do not align with my values or beliefs. People pleasing used to guide my decisions more often than it does now, as I have learned that living by my faith/principles matters the most.
Saying "Yes" to saying NO. The ability for me to say No is a hard one. Working in a small school, so many of us are stretched and pulled in multiple directions. I always feel that if they ask me to do something, they are needing help in some way. I have said No to some of these situations, especially when it pulls me away from my family. If I don't have a good reason, I am more than happy to help. Always trying to find the right balance between yes and no....never ending part of family needs, work needs, and life needs.
ReplyDeleteWhen we do not say no, we please others and we fail to notice we have no butter on our bread at all just a trial of crumbs for the birds to eat and no way out of a forest of responsibility and objection.
ReplyDeleteThis resonate because at times I don't stop and self-care, instead I try to please other and things pile up. Plus I don't like to back out of things so when I say yes and I have a lot, I stress out, and sometimes even get sick. That does not need to be the case because I can say no. I am a people pleaser and don't like to see other people hurt and disappointed. I think, and I am trying to do it, I need to say more with certain activities at school. I think this will help, not only for my own sanity and health, but it will also give me more time with my wife. It will also give more people the chance to step up and not expect me to do it or be that person that they always rely on.
80% of the time, people can’t stomach saying no. But the ability to say no is one the most important skills a person can have. “Know which side of your bread is buttered.” - We need to know where the best opportunities lie. We are afraid to say no incase we might miss out on something. I struggle to say no because I know what they are asking me to do, I could do well and have the skill set for such as being the Girl Scout Leader or Sunday School teacher. I decided to take on the Girl Scout leader but ended up saying no to Sunday School because I truly enjoy the time I spend sitting quietly in church and it helps me recharge for the week. I didn’t want it to also become a chore. So I felt like by choosing one I was still giving back to my community and helping children but by saying no to the other, I was making a commitment to my own mental health and spiritual well being. Saying no is a form of self care. We have the right and responsibility to take care of our time and how we feel.
ReplyDeleteI think that Clark's acknowledgement that while "No" can sometimes hurt others and/or cause disappointment, it really is a necessity/reality of a full life, resonates most with me. As a "pleaser" for most (maybe all?) of my life, the fear of being rude or hurting others has kept me from saying no to many, many things that in the larger picture, have not been good fits for my time, energy, or relationships. So many times, I've ended up angry with myself and the situation, or ended up ultimately disappointing the initiator anyway when I was unable to follow through or live up to expectations. Some of the things that I need to say no to right now are:
ReplyDelete-Things that make my job “more” than it has to be. I need to focus on the activities that engage and offer the most to my students, and say no to school/teacher activities outside of the classroom that don’t provide direct benefit to my students.
-Spending more time than strictly necessary on projects initiated by others that I’ve been asked to participate in.
-I need to say no to my desire (and others’ suggestions) that I work part-time during the summer for the time being because I see value in giving my son more of my time while he’s young. I need to have the perspective that I will have plenty of time to work once he’s into middle and high school, but I can’t get these young years with him back.
Saying no is hard, but I hope that it gets easier with time. I hope that this study will teach me ways to look at my “noes” as opportunities for joy and growth instead of being disappointments to those around me.
Replace your hasty "Yes" with "I'll think about it."
ReplyDeleteThis was my favorite pointer from Clark's presentation. When other's ask for help, my knee jerk reaction is to say yes before I really take the time to think of how it will impact my own life. I hate to say no because I don't want to disappoint anyone, and I do believe we are sometimes called to help others - even when it's not convenient for us. I recently had a friend ask me to help her out with something that was going to last for a few months. Instead of immediately saying yes, I took time to think about it and talk it over with my husband. We came up with a way of me helping but without overcommitting myself. I'm really happy with the compromise that was made, and it made me realize that I want to handle more decisions like that going forward. Right now I don't have many instances where I have to say no, but I know that will change as my kids get older and we get busier as a family. My husband and I both come from large families, and the family obligations can get to be a lot at times (birthday parties, holidays, baptisms, helping people move, etc.) We genuinely want to be there for our families, but when these events are back-to-back over multiple weekends, it can feel overwhelming. Again, my husband and I have started to take a beat and discuss what is best for our own family before automatically committing to being there. As the saying goes, "You can't pour from an empty cup."
"The ability to say no, is one of the most important skills a person can have"-- I think it is challenging to say no to things when it comes to family, my job, and social life. It is overwhemling to be at so many things and try to make everyone happy or satisfied by showing up and commiting to things. I find myself pushing myself too far when making commitments which later makes me resentful and not enjoy the things I like. I think being able to step back and talk through things before saying an automatic yes is helpful. Like the Ted talk referred to, I need to be able to say, "I'll think about it" or simply the power of a "no" and sticking to it.
ReplyDelete"Say yes to saying no." I liked the video's Shonda Rhimes example. While it can be a great source of self-growth to say yes to things that scare us or put us out of our comfort zone, it is also important to flex the other side of that muscle, and say no to things that are not in our best interest. It's easy to say yes to our students, our colleagues, and our families and friends, because we want to be seen as a helpful person, and if we're able to help, we want to. But just because we can, doesn't mean we have to. It goes back to what the author was saying in the first few chapters -- everything is a choice. If we make the choice to prioritize someone else, we may give up time to prioritize ourselves.
ReplyDeleteThe very beginning of the TED Talk was completely what I experienced growing up. Refusing to something offered to me was considered an insult by the giver. Obviously, if they asked they must know that I am highly capable and much needed for the task. Asking me if I wanted a Fig Newton truly meant that I could not say no - that would be devastation for my grandma. On that note, how often have I said yes to the Fig Newton knowing that I completely didn't want one and didn't even like it? How often have I accepted a task just because I was asked to do it. "Set boundaries for your time." I like that. I can start with saying "I'll think about it" and if I don't come back to thinking about it, that would be an obvious no.
ReplyDelete"The ability to say No is one of the most important skills you can have." It's very hard for me to say no, I feel bad putting something on somebody else or leaving them hanging. I would like to say no more often so that I feel less stressed, piling more things on my list as a teacher and mom of 4 is overwhelming. I would like to say no to the things that I don't enjoy and really don't have the time or energy for, but I say yes because I want to avoid confrontation or I want to help somebody.
ReplyDeleteThere were a couple lines that really stuck out to me from this TED Talk, the first being “Saying No is a form of self care.” If you’re constantly saying yes, you’re striving for an unattainable goal of perfection. By saying ‘no’ when it is necessary you are showing necessary concern for your own needs. As you can only really help others, if you are able to help yourself first. Another line I enjoyed from this video was something along the lines of "if you are not able to say no, you are not being valued or loved in relationships, you are being controlled.” I feel this way a lot, and the additional sting comes when after you do the task for someone rather than being appreciative they justify why you had the time to do it for them, when they themselves didn’t have the time. It brings an extreme sense of defeat. So yes, my mental health could definitely benefit from saying more no often. And where I can start is in my extensive list of weekly tasks I expect myself to complete. There are a lot more alternatives than my one way of doing things, if I allow myself to think of those options.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. "The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." This is so true! It is a skill I seem to lack. Often times I say yes, but never get around to doing it. Or I say yes and regret it. I guess I feel like I have to say yes because I want to please people, and it has gotten to be a habit. I am going to try to be better at saying no in the future.
ReplyDelete"Say yes to saying no" is one of my favorite lines by William Clark. It's hard for me to say no when I am asked by a coworker or boss to do something. I feel obligated to do it because I want to be a "team player". I would like to say no more to the expectation of teachers to handle big discipline/behavior problems in our classrooms and just "deal" with them while also being expected to teach an amazing lessons.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite analogy stated by William in is Dare to Say No talk is, “We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread…" This was a great analogy for me because, as I stated in the last blog post, I often times spend so much time making sure everyone else is taken care of that I don't take the time to take care of myself. When I do this I often am resentful of others that I spent so much time taking care or that "have butter on their bread" and it makes me miserable.
It is hard to say no for me because I am a people pleaser. I always have been and I probably always will be. It is in my nature to make others happy. I am also afraid of saying no due to others judgements. I am often afraid of how people will perceive me if I say no to something. I need to make a habit to say no to things more often and understand that my worth is not determined by how others perceive me and it is no less important than anyone else.
"Say yes to saying no"
ReplyDeleteThis quote stood out to me the most because I feel that this is something I have a hard time with. I like to say yes to doing things with family and friends, but this can quickly become a burden as I can fill my schedule up with too many obligations. I can't do everything all the time, so I need to make sure that I'm remembering to say no sometimes even though I want to say yes.
ReplyDeleteI liked the quote "Saying No is a form of self care". I wholeheartedly believe this! I am not sure this was the greatest thing for me to listen to, because sometimes I think I need to be pushed to say "Yes" more often! I used to feel guilty about saying no, particularly to social situations. I didn't want to offend anyone, miss out on something fun, or on future invitations. I found myself agreeing to things I really wasn't that interested in, and then when the time came I felt guilty backing out (especially if it was something I had spent money on). I have made a strong effort over the last couple of years to really consider what I am saying yes to, and prioritizing time with my family. I have been so much happier, and I don't find it too hard to say "no". Now as my girls are getting older I might need to work on saying "yes" a little more again!
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I loved this quote because I completely agree -- it's a skill that we all should have but many do not. As I've gotten older, I have gotten better at saying "no" to certain things in my personal life. I have learned where my limits are and have also learned to be okay if my "no" offends or disappoints someone. Something I'm working on right now is saying "no" to watching tv or something pointless when I have down time. I would like to spend my down time doing things I enjoy, being outsides, or even reading. I am finding myself wanting to be more present in my real world so I can be fulfilled each day.
ReplyDelete"If you do not feel comfortable saying no to some things at least part of the time, then you are not being loved and valued in a relationship. You are being controlled." This struck a nerve with me. Whether in personal interactions or within the work place, how often do we feel like we can't say no? This quote puts this situation in a different light. It shows how unhealthy many of our work situations actually are right now. Too often a yes is given because the assumption is made that this is what is required, but in reality, it really isn't. I would like to get better at saying no to demands put on my time that really aren't a requirement of my job. If I do something above and beyond, I want it to be because it was something I chose without prompting from others and without it being made out to be "just part of the job".
ReplyDeleteI loved the analogy of pain in the short term (by saying no) is like a buffet versus the long term gains being like a gourmet meal prepared by Wolfgang Puck.
ReplyDeleteIt makes it hard for me to say no because my personality leans towards people pleaser and I also saw and experienced how it was difficult for my mom as well.
I think I've been working on saying no more and getting stronger at it. Having a young family helps with that at the current moment, but I would like to learn to say no quicker rather than saying "maybe" or "i'll think about it" and then spending torturous time thinking about how to say no.
I really enjoy helping people. This is what makes it hard for me to say no, and especially hard to tell students. I felt a sense of relief when Clark made the statement "No is a form of self-care." This is why I had to learn to say no, and it can be done very politely. There are only so many hours in a day. We love our students and we love spending time with them, but I also love my own children and had to learn to say No, in order to spend more time with my family. The turning point for me was when I felt I was beginning to raise other peoples children. I loved that students came to my class after school for help, even from other classes besides mine. They loved to chat, and I loved it to. I eventually had to politely kick them out.
ReplyDelete"Saying this 2-letter word may be our only chance at living a truly fruitful life". I completely agree with this quote by William Clark, however, I struggle with remembering this in the moments that it counts. I find myself saying "yes" within family contexts quite often (too often). I feel like as a mom, I am the one who holds everything together in the family. When I am asked to do something, I usually say yes, and when I say no, I can easily be talked into changing my answer. I am not only making things more difficult for myself, but I am also not teaching my son enough responsibility by having him do things that he can do on his own. This is going to be a focus for me--saying no as a final answer.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the quote, "Our no to one thing becomes our yes to another." I liked this because it made me switch my thinking from focusing on what I would lose out or miss out on by saying no to what I would gain from being able to say yes to something else. I feel like I'm pretty good at saying no and protecting my time and energy. Years ago, someone shared the quote with me, "If it's not a hell yes, it's a no", and I have been living by this statement ever since. I guess if I had to pick situations where I could say no more, it would be in regards to going to all of my kids' extra-curricular events. There are times when I could say no and just stay home or go visit my parents instead. I hate to miss their events, but I do go to enough already, and they would be fine without having me there all the time.
ReplyDelete"No is a form of self-care". Saying no is hard because of the fear or anxiety that will come with it. This strikes me because I have had this discussion about constantly having to do different school stuff outside of school time. I do feel like we are constantly asked to do more, attend more outside contract hour events, or bring more things to school. I can understand supporting our small school but I should be able to have a choice to say "No" without feeling guilty. Constantly asking for more is tough especially because I have a young family that deserves my time as well. I have learned to start saying no to some of these things so I am taking care of myself and not being overwhelmed with all the extras.
ReplyDelete"Saying yes to saying no" really reflected how I've been feeling recently. I used to find it hard to say no in most situations. I was afraid to hurt their feelings, felt like I needed an important reason to say no, and was afraid that by saying no it would affect our relationship in the future. I am now more comfortable saying no and I don't feel the need to give a reason or say a little white lie. I feel as though by saying no when I feel necessary, it allows me to truly do what I feel is best. I struggle to say no to my kids sometimes, and could stick to boundaries with them.
ReplyDeleteI liked the part where he mentioned “saying no is a form of self-care“. This is going to be my new motto, as I often feel guilt over saying no. I have prided myself on my ability to take on many tasks at once, yet now I’m in a position where I feel overwhelmed and want to have more time for other parts of my life. I also appreciate the suggestions Angela had in her book for saying no in a way that still makes you feel like a team player.
ReplyDelete"No is a form of self-care." It is hard for me to say no because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I also feel guilty if I say no and others are saying yes. I really do like to help out, but recently I have said no more than I have in the past. I am trying to consider saying no more often to give my family more attention. I find when I am really busy I am less patient with my children. I don't want my family to suffer when I say yes too often.
ReplyDeleteThe one that resonated with me the most is that "no is a form of self-care". If I say no to things, I often feel guilty about it and I need to remember that it is ok to say no to things and that I need to put myself first in more situations. I can still be a team player by saying no from time to time and if others think less of me for it, it is on them and not me. Saying yes too frequently leads to me not being my best self and then in the end, no one is winning.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the reference to Shonda Rhimes book. I enjoyed that book so much, but it has been years. Great reminder of it. Shonda had to start saying yes, to all the no's she had been saying.
ReplyDeleteI also like the statement "take No off the forbidden tree list.
Saying no is a form of self-care. I agreed a great deal with this saying. Far too often, we say yes and we don't truly have the time to complete whatever task is being asked of us. This requires us to use whatever free time we may have for a task we truly don't even want to do.
ReplyDeleteListening to your body was another statement I agree with. If the task makes you happy, then say yes. However, if it makes your body tingle or your heart race, then we should say no. Often times, I've said yes to things that cause me a great deal of stress whether it be because of the time it requires or because I don't really enjoy the tasks. Saying no is something I truly need to work at.
"Check with your body", is the statement that stands out with me the most. Saying no to family or other staff members, that feel like family, is very difficult. I feel discomfort in to the deep pits of my soul. I feel like I am disappointing them if I don't give them a yes. I must learn that if I feel that inside then I gave them the wrong answer and need to be firm in my NO to promote my own self care.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated Clark's instructions on "how to say no". He mentioned that instead of giving an abrupt "yes", we should replace it with "I'll think about it". This gives us time to consider (1) Do I have time in my schedule to take on what they are asking me to do? (2) Is saying "yes" going to throw off my work/life balance? I also appreciated that he said saying "I'll think about it" doesn't mean we can just procastinate our way into not answering the question.
ReplyDeleteI also appreciated that it's important not to say "yes" just to be a people pleaser, because that throws off our work/life balance and our overall productivity as well.
"Say yes to saying no" and "saying no is a form of self care" were both really impactful statements for me. I REALLY struggle saying no, especially to family because I feel like I have to be at every family event, every family meal, etc. and I feel like I need to have a good excuse to say no, or feel the need to lie about being sick. I don't feel I have the will power to say no just because I don't want to, or my energy tank is dry. I am jealous of people that can say no so easily because I want to be seen as helpful, contributing, present at all of those things BUT I also know that that means a sacrifice in my personal energy and happiness and a work/life balance of doing things I need to do for myself and my own family.
ReplyDeleteI need to do a better job of saying no to every school event and function just because my kids want to do it, because that sucks all my free time and energy up. We don't need to go to every carnival, bake sale, book sale, skate party, etc. and the kids will still do fine in school and have friends. Showing the kids how to prioritize their needs vs. wants can help them as they grow up as well as help me prioritize my needs for personal happiness too.
"Saying no is a form of self-care." As a specials teacher, and really this can go for ANY teacher, sometimes I feel like I'm expected - or commanded - to say yes when "asked" to do something, or told there will be a change. Admin and state board members may forget that we're only human and have a limited capacity within ourselves before we can break. Especially in today's world of broken homes, broken children, broken societies, etc. Carrying the weight of the students' mental, emotional, and behavioral needs far surpasses what we even went to school for - to teach academics. I love children, don't get me wrong, but to carry the problems of so many, plus my own, and then go home and try to be a foundational rock for my own family is mentally and physically reaching a breaking point! So, this statement of "Saying no is a form of self-care." could not be more true and school systems need to act on that! So many work places are unhealthy - we feel uncomfortable to say no. Like the video says, that's not being valued, loved, or respected, it's being controlled. This is such a burning topic for me this school year.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of responding with "I'll think about it" instead of blindly saying yes. I also agree with William's idea that he is not promoting procrastination with this response, but it is more of a prompt for yourself to take time to think about the request to allow processing of the pro's and con's along with the personal value the request has to you. Responding with I'll think about it shows the person making the request that their request is important to you and you need time to make sure all aspects of the request are thought about before agreeing.
ReplyDelete"Saying no is a form of self-care" was my favorite quote, but so many of them spoke to me. Saying no is one of the skills I'm constantly working on. It's hard to say no, especially to family, and friends as I feel like I'm being helpful and needed when asked. How do you say no to those that need your assistance? I also feel overwhelmed with too many commitments and then feel stressed and tired. I liked the idea of "I'll think about it." It gives you time to "check your body" and make a thought-out decision instead of just always saying yes and therefore will eliminate some of the stress and disappointment of being committed to things you wish you weren't in the end. I get asked to volunteer my time for numerous events. I'm now going to use "I'll think about it" so I can "Say yes to saying no," or at least try.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line is "Saying no is a form of self-care described in just about every self-help book ever written as the necessity to take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others." When I first started teaching I said yes a lot as I was a people pleaser and didn't like conflict. I have learned over the last year but practicing self-care this past year and have said no and have taken my personal days even though it makes more work for me. Those days help me recharge so i can better myself and my students. It isn't always easy, but I am finding it easier. I do that saying no or even yes right away gives me a lot of regret and it is easier for me now to take some time before answering and asking kindly for that time is still hard for me, but I have to think how it might affect other things I have going on or my family.
ReplyDeleteI agreed with William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No, when he said you should "check your body" as your body tells you what to do before you make a decision. I am a getting better at reading my body, but I still am a people pleaser with saying yes when I know I should say no. Hearing Clark say that your body tells you what to do, you only need to pay attention to it, helps confirm to me that it's okay to say no more often during the times I should as I need to protect my time--this is self care. I would like to say no more often during times when others can also help out as I'm not the only one. My time is just as important as anyone else's time. Sometimes I forget this.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated the comment he made about how saying no is a form of self-care. Having 6 children myself, I was always asked/told that I should volunteer to teach religion class, summer school, bible school, and other kid oriented activities in my "free time". I used to feel obligated to say yes, or I was being selfish. I was told my our church priest at the time to think on it and saying no is ok! It was the best advice I heard. It helped be understand that sometimes saying no is better than saying yes and feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I do not always say no, but I definitely do think on decisions big or small. What might sound good today or easy to add to my schedule, can in reality be a huge addition to one's workload!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite comment is about saying no is a litmus test – if you can’t say no some of the time then you aren’t being treated the way you should in that relationship. You are being controlled. Saying no for me is hard because I feel I am disappointing someone or not being helpful. I will say no more, because it is a form of self care and realizing that is huge.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this talk, and it was hard to choose a favorite line. One of the top lines for me came at the end of the video: “It is essential to recognize that we have the power and the right to prioritize our own self-interest, and as terrifying as that may seem at times, it is an essential component of living a healthy adult lifestyle.” Like many people, it can be hard for me to say no because I don’t want to let anyone down, and I worry that saying no will lead to options being closed to me in the future. For instance, if I say no to this opportunity now, the opportunity (or ones like it) will never be presented to me again. Currently, I’ve been trying to say no more in order to prioritize time with my family. I’ve been a coach and advisor over the years, and while I love the relationships I can build with students through those experiences, my priority right now is to be available for my own children’s sports and activities. I have not been a coach or an advisor for a few years, and I have received negative attention for it periodically since the expectation is often for high school teachers to take on those extra duties. When I made the decision to stop coaching three years ago, I worried about letting people down, but ultimately, the thought of having that extra time to be with my family felt like a weight off my shoulders. I know that a lot of people thrive on coaching, but for me, I know that saying no to those activities benefits me and my family.
ReplyDeleteAs a former science teacher, the litmus test analogy spoke to me. As a self proclaimed people-pleaser, no is a word that very rarely found its way into my vocabulary. It had always seemed that the way to be a part of a team, make a difference, etc., was to always say yes. It would worry me if I said no. I would wonder what the person/group/organization thought of me. I worried I wouldn't be viewed as a team player or someone who was helpful. As I have gotten older I realize that if that is the case for that relationship then it isn't healthy. You should be able to say yes or no and still be viewed as the same person regardless of your response.
ReplyDelete"Say yes to saying no," is a simple and meaningful line. I don't necessarily have a hard time saying no to requests, what I get in trouble with is finding things that need to be done that no one else seems to be doing. If no one is driving the bus, I will. No coach for that JH sport? I'll do it. There should be a bridge across that creek south of the football field? No worries, I will build you a bridge. I guess I like to be busy, but that does come at a cost. I know I get more tired, more grumpy and more irritable with my family when I am so busy. I really need to stop looking for extra things to do and just enjoy the little bit of free time that I get.
ReplyDelete"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I feel that living in a small community makes it harder for me to say no. When you know everyone really well, I seem to take things more personally and worry that someone might get irritated if I say no. I also feel that within a small community, it takes a village to get things done so I tend to say yes to more things...even though there are people within the community that never seem to say yes.
ReplyDelete"Saying yes, to saying no" was my favorite quote from the video. The ability to do this is somewhat of an art. It takes practice to learn how to say no without offending anyone or making people upset. I learned to say no to extra duties and additional work at school a long time ago. My family time is much more important than putting in extra time (coaching or committees) at my job.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was "say yes, to saying no". I am the person that always says yes because I'm afraid I might hurt someone's feelings. I like how he said pay attention to how your body is responding. If you get a knot in your stomach, you should probably say no. I really need to work on this in my professional and personal life!
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite lines from the video was, "Say yes to saying no." I like to please others and make others happy. I guess I would often say yes to things that I didn't even feel like doing because I thought it was the "right" thing to do. I don't like people to be disappointed in me or upset with me. Sometimes I am also afraid that I might miss out on something if I say no. Although I do think there are times when the right thing to do is say yes, I am working on saying no when I know it is really the best choice for my well-being.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was at the end of the video - "When it comes to saying no, we must accept that our choices may come with some unpleasant consequences." He said in the long run, losses will lead to gains. This spoke to me because I have a few people in my life who struggle with saying no, which in turn causes problems in my life because needs that should be met, are not being met. I think this is such an important line because saying no is usually hard and uncomfortable, but I think the more we do it, the easier it becomes. I truly do not have a hard time saying no, sometimes I do - but not all the time. Some things that are hard to say no to for me are helping others when they ask or being there for people who do not necessarily deserve it. Something I want to become better at are not doing the things others ask of me when they don't deserve it and feeling at peace with it and not feeling guilty.
ReplyDelete"Say yes to saying no," is a quote that stood out to me. I have always had a hard time saying no when someone asks me to do something or letting go of something that I have been a part of for years. I am definitely a people pleaser, who has fears of missing out and I have always had the mindset that if you say no or quit something, I am not a kind or good person. It is hard to break free from that thought process, but I know it could make a big difference in my life if I just said no. I can say no to things and still be a good, kind person. I am actually very proud of myself this year because I was able to say no to being the cheer coach which is something I have done for the past 8 years. However, I found myself in a rut of dreading and complaining about certain tasks associated with coaching that it was taking a toll on me and ultimately my family. As hard as it was for me to say no (lots of tears shed, stomach pains over the fear of what others would say or think of me), once I finally handed in that resignation a complete weight lifted off my shoulders. As hard as it was, I now see how saying no could help me more in the future.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite analogy in this talk was the idea that saying "no" is like portion control. I also liked the thought that saying yes too often, too thoughtlessly, can compromise our identity development and our excellence. One reason saying "no" is that our faculty and staff give so much of themselves and so it can stand out if someone is not giving as much as others (eg: volunteering). Also, the needs are real and many times it is the same people who end of volunteering over and over again. Saying "no" feels like an indication that I am not a team player. As a part-time teacher, I actually do say "no" quite often, but I also have feelings of guilt for those "no's".
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteI liked his advice to replace an automatic "Yes" with "I'll think about it," which allows more time to think about options and weigh benefits and costs. I appreciated this because I don't like to be put on the spot, and it's hard for me to say "no" right there in the moment. I like to have the time to process the options and determine the pros and cons. I am one of those pleasers he talked about, so it is definitely hard for me to say no. I also liked how he mentioned that your "no" to something is your "yes" to something else. I like that reframing of it. Telling someone at work that I'm not going to do some menial task (like yet ANOTHER data spreadsheet) is me saying yes to prioritizing my wants/needs.
The line that resonated with me was when he spoke about if your "yes" makes you feel uncomfortable or sick or wrong someway on the inside then you probably need to say no. I like the idea of the woman who said yes to saying no for that year while she tried all sorts of things that scared and challenged her. I know in an old position, I was really a "yes" person, and it didn't end up adding value to me with that institution. It had the opposite effect and made it easier for them to discard me when I did finally say no.
ReplyDeleteI would like to say no more often to some of my grading, but that is a self-imposed problem. As a middle school ELA teacher (the only one in the building) I believe in the power of my feedback for students; however, often I see that feedback being ignored or tossed aside. I would like to think about how to better use that feedback to impact my students' writing and their work.
"Saying yes to saying no", if saying yes can add value to you and your life I am all for it. But I think saying no can also add value. When moving to a new school I was ready to dive in and help out anywhere I could and said yes to most things. I have found that saying I will consider it has helped to really evaluate if it is something I can give 100% too.
ReplyDeleteThe opening story about the speaker's inability to say no to his grandmother when she offers him more food really stood out to me. I relate to this story in that I think a big reason why I have difficulty saying no is due to my reluctance to disappoint the person asking me to do something, especially when the person is someone I care about. In my school life for example, it is difficult for me to say no to staying up late grading papers because I care about my students and want to give them feedback as quickly as possible. In my personal life, I would like to be able to say no more to some demands on my time by extended family members without feeling like I am snubbing or disappointing them.
ReplyDelete“By allowing ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our “no” to one thing, becomes a “yes” to another....”
ReplyDeleteThis is such a succint way to sum up the ramifications of the choices we make. When I was a young woman and a young mom, I said yes to everything I could for a variety of reasons: one, it's my nature; two, I think I was trying to prove my worth to others and myself, show that I was a competent grown up; three, I was raised in a loving, supportive family with parents who taught me to volunteer, to give back, so it's a duty; and four, as a stay-at-home mom after six years of teaching, I think I felt I owed it to the world since I was fortunate enough to get to stay home.
As I got older (and wiser), as I experienced how fast my time with my children at home was passing, I started being choosier with my comittments. I still volunteered way too much, but it was for things that involved my kids, that were for school and church, etc. With one child left at home, I'm in the process again of reevaluting how I spend my time. What do I care about, what do I enjoy, where can I help the most for this next chapter of my life.
"One No haunts us longer than one Yes." WOW! This statement resonates with me to a perfect T! I am labeled as a pleaser and I truly want to provide assistance in anyway that I can as not to leave a heavy burden on someone else (as I know that feeling all to well). I feel terrible when I do actually so no to something as I have often been on the side of the situation when you are left to do something all by yourself and that workload becomes relentless. So, I tend to say Yes as I don't want to put someone else in that situation of feeling overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteWith age and experience, I have been able to prioritize my yes and no responses. And a huge, helpful push from my husband. Ha! I find myself saying yes to the things that I am most passionate about and saying no to things which are not on my priority list. The only thing i would change is the capability of knowing all of this 20 years ago when I was barely keeping my head above water with all of my yes decisions. I am at peace with my ability to say no now and it is such an empowering feeling. :)
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteI liked the line "to live better, we need to do less." This is especially relevant to my school life, but also needs to apply to my home life. I also really liked the thought that instead of replying with a hasty 'yes', I should instead say, "I'll think about it."
Sometimes it makes it hard for me to say no, because I feel that I am the only one who is willing to help. That is how I became the co-leader of one of my daughter's Girl Scout troops. I have gotten put on many committees at church because they needed someone in my age category, and there did not seem to be many other options. I am also definitely a people pleaser and do not want to let other people down. I often prioritize my children and my students above myself.
I need to say no more often in regards to school work. No, I will not stay at work past x:xx time. No, I will not do any school work over the weekend. No, I will not devote more than x number of nights during the week to keep me caught up. Over 21 years of teaching, there are years that I have been better at saying these 'no's' and years that I have not. It's an ongoing struggle.
"Saying no is a form of self care." I really liked this line because I find myself just constantly saying yes because I want to be helpful and I am a new teacher, so I want people to think that I am useful to have around at the school. After three years of constantly saying yes, and having so much on my plate, I realized that it was okay to say no. This quote really stuck with me because I have found that it is okay to say no because I can't add another thing to my load, and people normally understand and accept the answer. It is hard for me to say no when my principal or mentor ask me to do something. I just want to help out and I find it hard to say no to people that I really respect and look up to. The biggest times that I will say no is when I have way too much going on and I am very overwhelmed, or if I do not feel qualified or comfortable doing a task that is being asked.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteThe analogy of William Clark's grandmother and the Thanksgiving dinner was fantastic. It is true; we want to respect the other person by accepting that piece of pie after we ate a large dinner.
I have learned over the years that saying 'no' has helped me in my career as well as personal life. I was one of those individuals who would be considered a 'pleaser' and I have been working on this. Now, I prioritize what is important versus not so much. My personal life and career seems to flow much better. As mentioned it is a choice an individual makes. Of course there is a consequence in the choices I make, but I am not afraid of what the future holds for me, and this was a big step for me.
There were a number of phrases and concepts from the video that I appreciated!:
ReplyDelete- "the ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have."
- "in order to live better, we need to do less"
- protect the tasks that are most important to us
The last phrase deeply resonated with me; saying no to some things will protect the time you do have, to focus on activities and people in your life that really matter to you.
What has made it hard for me to say no in the past was pressure from the school culture to be "invested" and prove that the position is more than just a job to you. As the author of our book discusses in detail, there are unspoken expectations in a school that can make it difficult to say no. Risking disappointing someone, or fear of missing an opportunity also make it hard to say no. In being a stay at home Mom now, I am working on saying no to myself sometimes in adding new things to my plate. I have become much better at saying no in recent years, when I realized how saying yes really means having to sacrifice yourself too much sometimes. I've really come to value free time to relax and explore my hobbies, and value not being exhausted and stressed out. I think when one figures out what brings them joy and what matters most to them, it makes it easier to say no to things outside of that.
Say Yes to Say No, and Instead of saying Yes, say Let me think about it.
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard for me to say No to most things because I do not want to upset other people or have it look like I don't want to put in the effort. I often feel like I have to explain myself as to why I say No to things. I think we as teachers already have a lot on our plate, and to add more for me, gives me more stress! Less is sometimes More!
The quote from the video, "the ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have" resonated with me. You have to be able to say no for yourself. To do things for yourself, for the sake of your own time, and to do the things you enjoy better. Saying no is a form of self care. I do not have saying no to my students or my children or my husband. But at work, if another teacher or administrator asked me to help or do something, most times I would be saying yes. Often because I know I can do it or I want other people to think I am willing to help others and am not selfish.
ReplyDeleteI like how the video recommended to say "I will think about it" instead of saying yes or no right away.
ReplyDelete"Say Yes to Saying No" was my favorite line he used. Probably easier said than done, but I am getting better about it! I am a people pleaser so that is my downfall when it comes to saying no. I would like to say no more often when it comes to mundane tasks and ways I have maybe 'unconsciously' chosen to spend my time. It's easy to keep scrolling facebook posts on my phone in the morning instead of getting up and going for a walk. I want to say no to some time wasting bad habits.
My favorite line was "Saying no is a form of self-care. It is the only choice at living a fruitful life." It is hard for me to say no because I like to help others and I also like to stay busy. When my children were young, I volunteered to help with their activities because I wanted to be involved with what they were doing. At school when I’m asked to serve on a committee, it is hard for me to say no because I want to be a team player. I want to do my part rather than sit back and let others do all the work. I do enjoy staying busy. I don’t like to sit still for long periods of time. Over the years, I have worked on saying no more often. I try to do simple things to take care of myself. I enjoy going for walks, exercising, shopping, getting my nails done, or getting a massage. Then I reassure myself that it’s good to do these things for myself. It’s a good reminder to slow down and enjoy life!
ReplyDelete“Saying no is a form of self-care” and “Replace your hasty ‘yes’ with ‘I’ll think about it’” were two of my favorite lines from William Clark’s talk. Both of these resonated with me and I thought they tied together also. Sometimes, I find myself saying yes to avoid uncomfortable situations. I think that delaying my response in some situations could help me better decide when it is right to say yes or no. Saying no is hard for me when I feel like I’m letting someone down. I would like to consider saying no more often when I feel like I’m spreading myself too thin. Remembering that saying no is a form of self-care would help in those types of situations.
ReplyDeleteI liked his analogy that saying yes to too many things is like over eating. It leaves you feeling too full and physically exhausted. Saying no is hard because I am often afraid to disappoint friends or administration. I like his analogy that saying no is selfcare in the same way that showering and brushing your teeth is important. I like his, "I'll think about it," phrasing when presented with an option. It gives me time to weigh the options and when I say no, they know I've given it consideration.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to saying yes as a willingness to please others. I can also see how no is a form of self care, similar to how people take care of themselves in other ways. I agree that I prioritize other people and tasks over myself and that is why I often say yes to things. I would like to start saying no more often to household tasks that I put on myself. I do like to live in an orderly, clean, picked up home, but I could ask for a few tasks to be done by the other people who live here. Or I could let some of it go. In situations where I say yes because I think it is just easier if I do it myself, maybe I need to really consider if it is easier for me or just easier for everyone else.
ReplyDeleteSaying no has often been hard for me for a few different reasons. To some extent, I am a people pleaser and I have natural tendencies to be helpful. I often think saying yes makes me a better person in the eyes of others. I most often would fall into the 80% which the video says cannot stomach the idea of saying no. This has served me well in some instances, but been a chronic downfall for me most of the time. It leads to stress, or chronic stress, and then shifting the blame onto others for my woes created from lack of time management or choosing other things over what is best for me. As the video states, "saying yes too often, too thoughtlessly to the wrong questions, can compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence that we are capable of achieving." Clark also makes the point that "we chase every possible perk behind every opportunity because if we don't say yes, we might miss out." This is often true for me. The idea of how the brain to negative information makes sense, as the video points out, I am often reluctant to inflict pain onto others, which makes sense why I often feel I need to say yes vs no. However, Clark emphasizes that saying no is a form of self care, and that say no is an option. He reminds viewers that "there are just times you should not eat another bite," and "in order to live better, we must do less." In my everyday life, I would like to say no to the unnecessary extras teachers are often asked to do with our "spare" time, such as committees, after school activity work, volunteering, etc. At home, I would like to say no to doing everyone else's work, pushing myself thing with daily household tasks that could be delegated, and saying no to myself, when my thoughts tell me that I have to do everything. As Clark states, "we will never be able to change our compulsion to do too much unless we affirm the value that no possesses." As the video states, learning to say no is part of creating an effective work/life balance that I have been lacking for way too many of my 25 years of teaching. Through this book study and a few other PD experiences I am taking this summer, I hope to find that balance. Clark finishes by saying, " when we allow ourselves to set boundaries to protect those tasks that are most important to us, our no to one thing becomes a yes to another so that we can savor every bite without overindulging."
ReplyDelete“In order to live better, we need to do less,” was my favorite quote. Quality over quantity is how I am interpreting this whole video. We shouldn’t be saying yes out of guilt. I have said yes to some duties out of a sense of guilt and I need to quit doing that because we have limited time here on Earth and should make the most of it even if that means saying “no”. I
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"In order to live better, we need to do less"
This quote really stood out to me. As a newer educator, it has been hard for me to find ways to say no. Especially those first few years, you feel like you have no other option but to say yes to all those extra assignments, committees, etc. I also gave away WAY TOO much time by coming in early and staying late. As previously mentioned, with a baby at home now, I will be protecting my boundaries and time because my family deserves it. Saying no gets to be hard sometimes because you feel as though you are letting others down by declining something, but you have to consider what is best for you. Easier said then done, but a skill to be working on!
A line that is memorable to me is "Saying yes to saying no". I am a pleaser and want people to be okay with me and my decisions. I enjoy helping others and sometimes do so in spite of the cost of those decisions. So, I would like to start saying no so that I can do more of the things I want to do. That starts and ends with me and I need to take ownership of my ability to say yes to saying no!
ReplyDelete"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." The first thing I thought of after he said this was how often I tell my 3 year old to not tell me no. So, have we be trained from a young age that saying no is bad and have carried this over into our adult lives? I will be changing those conversations I have been having with my children. Saying no isn't bad, it just has a place. I think that this is part of my problem. In the work place, I like to be helpful and answer questions from others when I can. This sometimes gets me in trouble and signed up for things that I really don't want to do OR want to do but my time available really doesn't allow it. I am not so much a people pleaser but like to help those who need it. Finding the importance of when to say no because of time allowance or my own to do list will be something to get used to.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite quote from the video is that saying no is one of the most important skills you can have. Saying no is a way of saying that we care about ourselves and want was is best for us. I think for me the reason saying no is so hard is I don't want to let those that mean something to me down. I also feel that I have some fear of saying no. Within the past few years, I have been trying to work on this. I have learned that I am so much happier when I say no to things that do not set my soul on fire. I recently heard someone say if it is not an immediate yes than it is an absolutely not for me. If there is hesitation in wanting to do it, it probably means you already intrinsically know it is not something you should do. I feel like in my personal life I have gotten better about saying no but in my professional life it is still a struggle. I would like to get better about saying no to things at school that are not in my best interest.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line is "Replace your hasty "Yes" with "I'll think about it." Our staff is often asked to give up their prep time to sub when we the school can't supply a substitute for the day. It is hard to say no to this situation. If I don't do it, someone else will be asked to and I'm not "helping the team." It would be easier if everyone would say no, then I wouldn't have so much guilt. I have tried to say no often in this situation. My philosophy is if we keep making ends meet then administration or school board will not know this is a problem.
ReplyDeleteA quote that stuck out to me was about no being "...unfairly labeled a forbidden fruit." I think that really sums up the problem with saying no as a teacher. It is such an expectation that teachers should be team players always prioritizing what is best for the students that saying no to something can feel impossible. Saying no feels selfish and illicit, we worry about who will get stuck with it if we say no, we worry what administrators will think about us if we say no and in the end we are guilted into the yes.
ReplyDelete“The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have.”
ReplyDelete"Saying yes to saying 'No"
"In order to live better, we need to do less"
These were some of the things that resonated most with me. I am such a people pleaser, I would say yes to everybody if I could help them out. I hate to disappoint people and would do things to help them no matter what the cost to me. If I would say no, I would feel guilty and end of doing it anyway. I'm getting better at it, but it is still a challenge. I've learned over the years, being a people pleaser and doing extra things doesn't make people like or respect you any more than if you don't. It just causes you more stress in trying to do too much! Learning to say no is a very good skill to work on.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have." I have a very hard time saying “no” – not to my children at home but to people at work or in the community. I have gotten stronger thanks to some wonderfully fantastic colleagues and admin that I have had the opportunity to work with but sometimes saying “no” causes me more anxiety than just saying yes and doing whatever is asked of me. I am working on it and will continue to get more structured in when I say no and when I say yes.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete" Always saying yes can compromise the integrity of our identity development and keep us from attaining the level of excellence we are capable of achieving."
"The fear of if we don't say yes, we might miss out."
There is a lot of pressure often times on teachers to go above and beyond. The phrase "do it for the kids" is engrained in us constantly. As a new teacher I especially felt that I needed to prove myself and make sure I was seen as a valuable member of my community. The ability to say no is a skill I am still working on, but it is one that I have been slowly getting more comfortable with using.
I resonated greatly with his statement that saying yes, all the time can rob us of achievements. As the art teacher, I am constantly asked to paint things, help out with activities, art shows, personal projects for the community, etc. Because I want my program to be seen and feel valued, I constantly feel and have felt the pressure to say yes to those tasks. This I found led to burn out. His analogy with the bread not being buttered and instead only being a trail of crumbs was exactly how I have felt. By saying yes to all those extra tasks, it often took away from other important things I could be growing within my program, but it also left me with an empty cup with little energy to pursue other things.
Going forward I want to have the confidence and foresight to saying no to many of the extra projects people assume are "easy" and not time consuming simply because I am an artist with those skills. My time and work are valuable.
Well...the first half of this video is all too correct. "We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread…” I always tell people that you can't pour from and empty jug. which to me feels the same. I have always been the people pleaser... However when I took my yoga teacher training I found more power within myself and better understood self care. I still say "yes" far to often but I have gotten better at saying "no" since doing that training.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard for me to say "No" when I feel like I am giving someone else more work. I am the person who never wants to impose, cause someone else discomfort, or let someone down. (all things said in the video)
Times when I can and should say no are to some of the extra things such as fixing other people's things (because I can sew I get asked often to hem, fix all sorts of things...I have fixed stuffed animals, backpacks, coats, pants, mittens and hats, est... I also just get asked to make things for people because I know how to -not just sewing)
Even after the first reading and the Ted Talk, I am hesitant to go all in. I understand the importance of self-care but I also know the best thing I can do for myself is to help others. Of course, I don't have any hard data to back up this conjecture, but in my experience serving others does wonderful things for our spirit. Having said that, I can get on board with replacing yes with, "I'll think about it."
ReplyDeleteThis quote stood out to me "All this aside, saying no is a form of self care described in just about every self-help book ever written as the necessity to take care of your own needs so that you can be well enough to take care of others." - As a daycare provider in a town where daycare is limited, I have had to learn to say no to families that I'd love to have because I know that if I don't I will "spread myself too thin" and not be able to properly care for the children I do have. At first this was hard for me and I felt bad turning people away but I have learned that saying no is ok and that I have to think of not just my own self-care but that of the children I am watching.
ReplyDelete"Saying no is a form of self care." I love this quote because it is so true, you can not pour from an empty cup. I am a people pleaser and it is hard for me to say no because I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have begun to say no more to things that require time outside my contract hours and things on the weekend because that time I want to save and spend with my daughter and family.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete"Saying no is a form of self-care."
Saying no is very difficult for me. I am a helper, by nature. I know helping people. This is probably why many of us became teachers. Being a servant is something that I take to heart. Naturally, when I am asked to help with something, I usually do not even find the extra task to be considered, "work," as I typically enjoy being there.
I have gotten a little better about saying no throughout my years in the classroom. When I got married, there were new responsibilities that I had. As, I had each kiddo, I also go better at saying no to the things that were not serving me.
I am the head girls basketball coach at our school. I think one of the things that makes it so difficult for me to say no is the fact that I need volunteers to help me run basketball events, so I feel like if I ask for volunteers during my season, then I need to volunteer at other times.
Saying no really is a GREAT form of self care for me. I want to continue working on this!
"The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have"
ReplyDeleteI chose this one because the way that I was raised I was taught that it was important to make people happy and do for others and be selfless. If people need you to step into a role or fill a position it was your duty to do it. But the older I've gotten the more I'm realizing how exhausting it is to say yes and be the one to fill the positions and step up to make sure everyone else is taken care of before myself. As teachers that is the expectation and there is always pressure to work harder. Recently I have given up both of my coaching positions (cross country and track) because I was exhausted! I was teaching 5 different science classes at my rural high school, raising a family, and coaching two different sports. That was an insane amount of time spent on things I felt I "had" to do. Now that I've given up coaching and have spent time focusing on only my teaching and being a mother, I'm a lot happier now!
"Say yes to saying no"
ReplyDeleteHis analogy to cooking and a grandmother or mother who always wants you to take another bite, or have a plate to go is so relatable!
In the school/teacher role what makes it hard for me to say no has been our constant turn over my first 6 years in education. People would come for a year and then leave so when another committee spot opened up I would always say yes because I had the mentality of "well who is going to do it if i don't". We have grown such a wonderful team in the last 4 years that the workload is easily shared now.
My mom was always a hard worker a d a YES women at work and I think I also have that fear of disappoint sometimes if I'm also not always a yes person.
I am slowly learning that "saying no is a form of self care" and being okay with the consequences that may come.
"Saying no is a form of self-care." I have definitely practiced this as I have gotten older and wiser! I raised two very busy kids involved in sports, music, church, etc. Involved kids mean involved parents. I am now enjoying my adult children, and I now can make choices of what I want to do for me.
ReplyDeleteThis is Brigitte Brucklacher
Delete"Saying no is a form of self-care."
ReplyDeleteThis line resonated with me because I definitely find myself having a difficult time saying "no" to things. I want to help however I can and feel bad when I say no. I have found though that saying "yes" to too many things makes me feel overwhelmed and stressed out. I have had many times where I have later regretted saying "yes" to so many things. I usually regret it because it takes time away from my family and the other things that I really enjoy. This is something I am working on.
"We spend so much time trying to please others that we have no butter on our bread." This strongly resonates with me. I have started to realize that taking on extra responsibilities and roles did not make people respect me more or make me feel any better. Instead, it made me feel exhausted and overwhelmed. I continue to get better at saying no, but it is still extremely hard. However, I know it is important to stand up for myself by saying no to certain roles.
ReplyDeleteI love the thought of replacing yes...with I'll think about it. Not only is that a response that is not impulsive but it truly does give you the opportunity to think through what is the best in that particular situation.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated the replacing a hasty yes with an "I'll think about it" was a great idea. I am one that does need time to process and sometimes if I say yes too quickly I ask myself later what I got myself into but then I feel stuck because I've committed and I am not one to back down on a committment as I want to be a reliable person to those in my life.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDelete“Saying no is a form of self care” is a quote that I liked. It is choosing to use your time for other things that you feel you have to get done. Sometimes it is hard to say no because you want to please people and you want them to like you. You want to be looked at as a team player and share responsibility. I have a friend that was always asking for favors but never returning the favor. It got to the point where I was resenting her because I felt used and not appreciated. I started to respond to her with yes, I can take your kids on this day if you can take them the next day. Or I would limit it and only say yes one out of three favors - it made her find another way to figure things out. I think some people see our teacher schedule and decide since we are done working at 4:00 (on most nights) and have summers free that we should be able to help run their kids as well as our own.
"Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice at living a fruitful life."
ReplyDeleteSelf care shows self respect and a confidence many of my students need to see. When we are wore down the fruit is not shown and students do not have a proper role model in front of them.
Sometimes it is hard to say no because it is a form of control. I would like to control things to go the way I want them to. That adds way too much on my plate and getting the just of what needs to be done. I need to overlook some details at different points in what is going on. My own kids need me to say no more often to things I want to control and hand control to them. I need them to be independent reliable adults so it is ok for them to control things and see consequences for finishing a task or not. I tend to control how laundry, dishes, and meals are done. I need to understand that it's ok if it is not just the way I would do them and it is helping in the long run.
Share your favorite line or analogy stated by William Clark in his talk, Dare To Say No. What makes it hard for you to say no? Why may you, and in what instances, would you like to consider saying no more often?
ReplyDeleteNo can serve as a litmus test to the strength of our relationships...if you cannot say no to some of the things some of the time you are not being loved or valued, you are being controlled. What makes it hard is that I put everyone else's needs and priorities above my own. I wish to be accepted. Plus, I am a peace maker, people pleaser. Plus, I am kind. There are people out there willing to take advantage of that.
I would like to say "no" more often when my adult children ask me to do things that they are fully capable of doing for themselves. I also would like to tell myself "no" more when it's evening on a school day and I am still at my desk so that I do have some energy left for other areas of my life! The need to sharpen my axe is real.
'Saying no to one thing, may mean saying yes to another.'
ReplyDeleteOpportunities may pop up on the daily-- ensuring that your time bank is being used wisely and in ways that enhance your living is so important. Ultimately, the time is spent but determining how and where you want it spent, knowing that you DO get to choose is important. Becuase I would like to say yes to more time spent with family and encouraging students to love learning, I want to say no to overcommitting to meetings that take away from passionate learning, so I can say yes to spending time fostering interests in my children and students. I want to say no to indecisiveness that prolongs too many options and commit (if even just for now) to planning and follow through. I think we are losing a lot of opportunities wishing and wondering instead of trying!
My favorite two lines from this Ted Talks is "We view saying yes as the path of least resistance, leading us to bite off more than we can chew" and "Saying no is a form of self care." It's extremely hard for me to say no. I enjoy making others happy and like showing that I'm a team player so I often say yes when opportunities arise or people ask me for help. I'd like to try to say no to things that don't fulfill me, even if they fulfill others. I'd like to start saying no to things that take time away from myself and my family.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was "Live Better- Do Less". I have a hard time saying no. I have gotten better through the years but it is still something I have to work on. I hate the thought of letting someone down or not doing enough. Habit Seven for Leader in Me is Sharpen the Saw- Take Care of Yourself. Teaching my students this habit has made me reflect on my own life and to try to make sure I am taking care of myself so I can take care of others. I need to keep working on saying no and realizing that I don't have to do it all!
ReplyDeleteTanya Petterson
ReplyDeleteI don't like the word no to be said to me. Therefore, I will always say yes when somebody asks me to do something. I will usually have more on my plate than I can possibly do. I feel like if I say no, I am letting someone down. I need to learn to take care of myself and my well-being. I also need to "live better--do less"--a favorite line from the Ted talk.
'Saying no is a form of self care. It is the only choice of living a fruitful life.' This sentence is just one of the many sayings I liked about this Ted Talk. I have a really hard time saying no, just like so many others. I feel like when I say, no, I am being selfish. If I say, no, it just makes someone else have to do the job. I have gotten better at the age of 62 to just START saying, no, to some things. Maybe it is my age, but, I've never been a 'me' person, but, now at my age I am starting to realize that I absolutely NEED to start taking care of myself. I can't keep going at the pace I am going: teaching full time and volunteering for things every night. It it time to start saying, no, and not feel guilty about it.
ReplyDeleteA few of my favorite lines:
ReplyDeleteThere are times you just shouldn't eat another bite...
The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have...
If we don't say yes... we might miss out
Negative lingers longer than Positive - insult vs compliment, one no vs. one yes
Saying No is a form of self-care - Say Yes to saying NO
Our no to one thing, becomes Yes to another! So that we can savor every bite without over indulging.
I'm getting better at saying no. I have always struggled with being a people pleaser - and I realize I often don't say no, because then I can do it "my way". At work, I've been trying to be better at delegating tasks, realizing I don't always have to be the one to do it.
Sorry - I missed including my name - Resa Kirchhevel
ReplyDeleteSorry for the duplication, I forgot to include my name the first time.
ReplyDeleteA few of my favorite lines:
There are times you just shouldn't eat another bite...
The ability to say no is one of the most important skills you can have...
If we don't say yes... we might miss out
Negative lingers longer than Positive - insult vs compliment, one no vs. one yes
Saying No is a form of self-care - Say Yes to saying NO
Our no to one thing, becomes Yes to another! So that we can savor every bite without over indulging.
I'm getting better at saying no. I have always struggled with being a people pleaser - and I realize I often don't say no, because then I can do it "my way". At work, I've been trying to be better at delegating tasks, realizing I don't always have to be the one to do it.