Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries.Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries?When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
I chuckled at the beginning of the video when he is talking about career women still taking care of all at home and kids while men come home and have worked so many hours that they just can't help. That is still relatable in so many relationships I know! I am always the person that will throw work in my bag and then never touch it at home! I try to leave work at 4 to then go be with my family. I try to work hard at work so I don't feel like I need to bring it home with me. Shouldn't we all feel that we are living live whole-heartedly when with family and friends? I love my teaching job most days but my cup fills with quality time with friends and family. Game nights, lake days, weekend getaways, and vacations all bring the relaxed smile.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
I liked the line " know what your value is, and what boundaries you need to create to protect that value" sometimes we get so caught up in work and the business of life that we forget all the little important things. And sadly sometimes the little things are our little children who are begging for attention. I am past that stage of life and now am focused on learning what to do with my husband in our empty nest stage of life. We have had to refocus and retrain ourselves to find common ground and activities to enjoy together. Life is ever changing and every stage is an adjustment to make.
My favorite line is "your boundaries don't need to be grand, they just need to be established". I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long in life to set boundaries. I was a single mom for most of my son's life. I was gone a lot at work. Then I started school and missed more time with him. I knew that it would only be a short time. Then, we would have a better life. As a teacher, I knew that I would have weekends and summers off to spend with him while he grew. If I would not have made that career choice, I would not have had the opportunity to spend his growing up years with him. At the beginning of my career I struggle with boundaries. I was always at the school trying to make things "just right". Since then I have learned that it can always been done tomorrow.
Listening to him talk about "meaningful connections" makes me want to go back to the previous blog post as I talked about prioritizing time for family and friends BUT a few weeks ago we had to choose 3 important items that were MUST HAVEs in our lives, I did not want to take up multiple options with listing family and friends so I used the word connections! I knew this was the important term that I needed from my friends and families- the connections. I want to strengthen them and continue to build them! These are the things I need to prioritize in my life!
I also liked his term "purpose driven" as I think this is what teachers are always looking for when we are questioning changes- we want to know the purpose and intention of these changes.
"Boundaries do not have to be grand, they just need to be established." that is a good line too!
I think I am at the beginning stages of finding MY boundaries. Not the ones that are set for me, but mine. The ones that I need that will make my like one that I can live with purpose and intention! A life that I can be proud of and say that I am proud and one where I truthfully BELIEVE in myself!
I appreciate that he admitted that he was using productivity/prestige as validation of his self-worth, and that he was wrong to think he was truly okay with how things were without work-life boundaries. I am at the beginning stages, I would say, of establishing work-life boundaries. I feel like when I was first teaching, I threw myself entirely into teaching and worked on school at home very often. Now that I have my own child, things need to change; I need to create and stick to some boundaries to keep her the priority of my life. I feel like I am living life whole-heartedly when I'm doing something with my daughter, like playing a board game, hiking, or reading books.
This is a difficult question for me to answer because even though I try my best, I do not think that I'm living life whole heartedly partly because of work life boundaries. I like having my email notifications turned on my phone, but I also let it distract me at home when I should be giving my family my full attention. Also, because I coach I bring things home with me later at night. Going into the seconds semester I need to do a better job of setting boundaries. I like the questions does this need to be done?, does this need to be done by me?, does this need to be done right now? Often times the answer to those questions are no. I feel the best about balance when I leave my stuff at school, put my phone away, and be present with my family.
"If we want to live a whole hearted life we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity of self worth." I really struggle with work-life boundaries. I tend to swing back and forth between too much focus and time spent on work or things I want to do personally. I feel best about my life balance when I am productive during my time at work so I can walk away and focus on my personal priorities in the evening and on weekends.
My favorite line was when he quoted Brene Brown, “If we want to live a whole-hearted life, we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol in productivity as self worth.” I am happy with my work-life boundaries. I love to plan, so I set aside 1-2 hours every Sunday and other than that, work stay at work. I like to put my energy into being my best for work when I am at work and being my best at home when I am home. Being fully present wherever I am. I feel like I live a whole-hearted life everyday. I believe our perspectives have the ability to shape the quality of our lives. I feel so much gratitude for that life I have and am always looking for opportunities to gain more wisdom and overcome challenges that arise.
My favorite line was "You will have to determine what is driving you to tolerate a life of unbalance." I thought this saying was very telling for me. Like he said, he was tolerating unbalance to feed his ego. When we determine what is driving our unbalance, it might lead to a realization of whether or not it is worth it. I feel that I am pretty good about work/life balance. I do need to work on being more focused during some of my breaks, especially lunch and using that time effectively. I feel like I am living life whole-heartedly when I am spending time with my family doing something we love.
"Why do you tolerate imbalance in your work-life boundaries?"
-This line really gave me pause because there are times when I tolerate an overflow of work into my personal life, but I had not paused to consider why I allow those seasons sporadically.
When my ego is being stroked by something at work, I will tolerate imbalance to continue to the high-quality work that is generating the feedback and praise that I am craving at the moment.
When home-life is challenging and work seems easier and more orderly, I will tolerate imbalance between the two.
But the times when I'm willing to tolerate this imbalance between work and home life signal larger disfunction and imbalance in my life. The home-work imbalance is just a symptom of the real problem.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. It is the women's responsibility to keep things running smoothly at home. This seems to be very true. Men help out, but if the house is messy and the laundry hasn't been done, it is the women who will be blamed for it. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? I think I do well keeping work at school. When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly? When I enjoy the weekends and not even think about school.
I really liked the line "boundaries don't need to be grand, they just need to be established!" I have really been trying to embody this sentence the last few years. During Covid I would have families and parents messaging me at all hours of the day, nights, and weekends. It really made me feel burnt out so I started by establishing set hours to reply to parent messages. Now, years later, I find myself being more firm with boundaries in all aspects of my life and feeling better/prouder of myself for sticking with them and not being afraid to make them known!
I like his quoting Renee Brown, "If you want to live a wholehearted life we have to be intentional cultivating sleep and play and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as worth." This is so true and at times I struggle with feeling I need to do one more thing or answer that email, and next thing I know it is bed time or past my bedtime and I have lost quality time with my wife. I need to be more intentional on my sleep and play, time outside of school. I feel I am living life whole-heatedly when I hit the pillow and I can just lay there and not toss and turn. I can also tell when my wife let's me know, especially when she thanks me for what I did or the movie. I can tell when I slip when she says I need to spend more time with her. I wish I could be more consistent, I think I need to look at my boundaries and values.
“I had no idea what the future had in store for me, but I knew it would allow me home to have more time with my family.” I heard this line and thought, "Been there!" This was where I was last spring when I was the leaving my classroom for the last time. I didn't have a job lined up, didn't know what I would be doing, if it would be in education or not or anything. But I did know that I had to do something different so I could be present for my children. Living my life today is living more intentionally, more purposefully, and feeling like I am living wholeheartedly is being able to leave school at 3:00, without a sub to cover for me, so that I can go watch my daughter play basketball!
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
"You will have to determine what is driving you to tolerate a life of imbalance." Hidalgo admits that, for him, it was ego. He loved the idea of being a success...having his name on the front of a book cover. I have come a long way in this area, especially in the last year or two. The Lord has used circumstances beyond my control to teach me the value of a life lived in tune with His ultimate purpose for my life and not my personal glory or selfish ambitions. For a long time I think I just worked endless hours because I believed everything was up to me alone to keep things going. Now it's clear that to live a whole-hearted life that aligns with my true purpose and desire to leave a Godly legacy, I must have personal wellness & balance to give my best to others.
My favorite thing he shared was: "If I am so successful, why am I so miserable? What was missing was meaningful relationship and connection." Our ego makes us say yes to things that make us seem important but they don't fill that space of connection within us that we so desperately need. I found that by saying no to things and just staying home and playing with my kids, being outdoors with them, being present... we are all so much happier. And all the things I was saying yes to previously, I don't miss any of it and all of those things are continuing on just fine without me.
I established a work-life balance when my kids were born. I wasn't going to waste time at work when I could be with them. I do work through all my breaks, lunch, planning time. I don't sit around and chat with peers. I am focused the entire time I am at work and it is very exhausting. But at 4 pm, I walk out and work is done. I don't talk about it at home, I don't take work home. Home is home and I am fully present there. This took me years to figure out but now that I have, life is so much more enjoyable.
I thought it was funny that after everything he went through starting his first business, that he then started a second, but I love that he started it with his wife and defined his boundaries. I try to set good bounaries for myself work wise. I leave at my contracted times and don't take work home. While I'm at school I focus on what is more important for my students and am well organized so that I don't have to devote outside time to school. I feel like I'm living most whole-heartedly when I'm with my family and friends and not focusing on all of the things that I should be doing. I think at school I feel that way as well when I'm not leaning into the negativity that can be all around you sometimes.
"The more success that I experienced, the less fulfilled and more narcississtic I became. But why? It's because what was missing in my life at the time was meaningful relationship and connection, which is what we as human beings are fundamentally wired for."
I liked this line because I completely agree that we are fundamentally wired for meaningful relationships and connection. When we aren't living in a way that's aligned with that understanding, it really takes a toll. When I was teaching, I always felt the most drained when work was eating into my family time. When I would stay a little later at school to grade papers or prepare a lesson, I would feel immense guilt for not being with my son during that time. Now that I am staying at home full time with my kids, work-life boundaries are not a concern. I feel I am living life whole-heartedly whenever I fully invest my attention on my kids or husband, with no distractions.
My favorite story that he shared was when his 3-year old son called him on the phone and said “daddy, are you on an airplane?” To which he Carlos responded, “No bud, I’m in a hotel.” “Daddy you’re always in a hotel,” and hung up. And that moment made him realize that he couldn’t keep going the way he was going and his wife agreed. It was also powerful that he was sharing this story over ten years later and the thought to him is still crushing. It ties in with what the author of Fewer Things Better says about time being finite and money being infinite. You can always find a different job or another way to make money. You can’t get back time and moments with your family. As a teacher, I had terrible work-life boundaries, was not making good decisions to set these boundaries, and got out of the teaching profession (this was five years ago). In the past year, I have started a new job that allows me to establish healthier work-life boundaries and to allow my husband to stay home with our newborn (coming in April). So I am looking forward to actually enjoying my life again. I was really feeling rundown when I got out of teaching and it’s taken basically this whole past 5 years to come out of that slump. I feel like I am living life whole-heartedly when I am actually enjoying living in the present with my family and am not being bogged down by societal or work pressures.
My favorite concept was toward the end when he shared that he and his wife stop life for coffee for 20 minutes each morning. That boundary represents a present for them together at the beginning of each day. I liked the concept of beginning and ending the day with quiet family time. Not "let's rush out the door, keep our nose to the grindstone, come home, rush through dinner and keep busy until time to put the kid to bed, RELAX (while trying to keep our eyes open..." (repeat), but an intentional time to relax and keep things laid back before meeting the challenges of the day. He mentioned that these days, when he's at work, he is FULLY at work and is not distracted. But when he's home, it's time to be there (also not being distracted). For me, I've worked hard to set some good boundaries and they are working, but I am always fine-tuning and evaluating. One area that I need to work on is feeling rushed and mentally, checking in and out of work/home at the appropriate times. I don't want to be the mom who, while present, is mentally pushing her child away because she is constantly letting thoughts of "what can I do to make tomorrow easier/less stressful" or "what needs to be done..." take joy from the present moment. In short, I need to be more intentional with my time AND my thoughts.
I think the story of his youngest son Luke asking if he was on an airplane and making the comment, "You're always in a hotel" and hung up is really powerful. The fact that influenced all of Carlos' next life events and impacted how he chose relationships more important that his career success. I also liked when he talked about how he was okay with being unbalanced because he thought his success came from how much he could succeed in his work. As a teacher I struggle with work-life boundaries. I frequently try to get work done while at home and can feel that impact my patience at home. I have tried to set healthier boundaries this year with little things; not replying to parent contacts or emails when I am home at night with my family but that too can be challenging. I feel I am living a whole heartedly life when I spend quality and intentional time with my family at home. I need to work on being more present with my time and making more joyful moments.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
“Daddy, are you on an airplane?” To which he Carlos responded, “No bud, I’m in a hotel.” “Daddy you’re always in a hotel,” and hung up. With no kids, only dogs, I still need to prioritize their exercise and health. Also with my boyfriend being a business owner, we need to do better at stopping our busy lives for just 20 minutes a day to enjoy the presence of one another. I feel I am living life to the fullest when I put work and other day to day problems to the side and live completely in the moment doing things I enjoy with people I enjoy. This can mean a simple walk, a simple car ride around the time. Whatever it may be, clearing my brain in order to be 100% present.
** I forgot to change from anonymous, so reposting.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
“Daddy, are you on an airplane?” To which he Carlos responded, “No bud, I’m in a hotel.” “Daddy you’re always in a hotel,” and hung up. With no kids, only dogs, I still need to prioritize their exercise and health. Also with my boyfriend being a business owner, we need to do better at stopping our busy lives for just 20 minutes a day to enjoy the presence of one another. I feel I am living life to the fullest when I put work and other day to day problems to the side and live completely in the moment doing things I enjoy with people I enjoy. This can mean a simple walk, a simple car ride around the time. Whatever it may be, clearing my brain in order to be 100% present.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly? "If I am so successful, why am I so miserable?" It seems like work can be all consuming, even when I am home, with my family, my mind is still thinking about work. It can really ruin family time. Sometimes setting work-life boundaries is difficult when work can be all consuming. I am looking forward to retirement someday, but for now, I will do my best to keep work and home life seperate.
Taking inspiration from Renee Brown's wise words about prioritizing sleep and play to live a fulfilling life, I've realized how important it is to let go of seeing exhaustion as a badge of honor and productivity as the only measure of self-worth. I often catch myself getting caught up in finishing just one more task or replying to that last email, only to suddenly realize it's bedtime, or even past it, and I've missed out on quality time with my husband and our 2.5-year-old. Being mindful about making time for rest and fun outside of work has become crucial for me. I feel happiest when I can peacefully drift off to sleep without a million thoughts racing through my head. I know I'm doing well when my husband appreciates the moments we share. On the flip side, I notice I need to do better when he hints that we need more family time together. Striving to keep this balance consistent is a goal of mine, and I understand the need to reassess my boundaries and values to make sure I'm living life to the fullest.
My favorite line was to have meaningful time for relationships in which he set aside 20 minutes to have coffee with his wife. I'm usually out the door for work before my husband really gets going, but I do take 5 minutes to talk about the day. What are your plans, etc.? This often helps me keep my focus throughout the day at school. Do I have time to stay a little longer tonight, or do I need to get home and help on the farm? Establishing work boundaries are important and should be re-evaluated often. When my kids were in high school was definitely different that grade school - family values change as they grow up and the needs have to be met at every level. I have one kid left at home now, totally different boundaries for work as well. I felt I have kept my family as my priority and didn't feel like I was slighting them - except for a few meals that they may have had to make along the way :). Not necessarily a bad thing though.
"If we want to live a whole hearted life we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity of self worth." Since having children, I have learned that it is important to have boundaries around my work time and my family time. I try and use my time at school effectively by eliminating distractions when I can. I use my before school time to make sure I have everything ready to go for the day. I use in between classes to respond to quick emails or enter in something quickly to the gradebook. I use my prep to really grade things or get lessons planned out for the next day or week. After school is usually when I might have students come in for help or I use this time to make copies or send things off to the printer. When I leave, I turn the business side of school off. My email is connected to my phone, but I've learned that if someone emails me outside of my "working hours", that the response can usually wait until the next morning. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but I really try to be strict about my work boundaries so that they don't interfere with my family time at home.
My favorite line was when he said " Know what your value is, and what boundaries you need to create to protect that value." Right now I think I have a good work-life boundary in place. I don't take work home or work on the weekends. I do need to be better to balance my time at home to spend more quality time with my family and on my self-care. I admit to spending too much time on social media which makes me feel self-centered and unproductive. I feel like I am live whole-heartedly when I spend quality time with my family and don't stress about little things like house cleaning, laundry and getting groceries. Also when I take time for my own self-care.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
When Carlos Hidalgo was talking about the false perception that exists in our society that housework and children's activities are often "the women's role after work is done" I felt like I was heard! In my household that dynamic exists (my husband does help, it just feels like the bulk of it falls on me). I am the type of person that cannot rest of feel settled unless my house is in order. I feel like I struggle more with that balance than work life balance quite honestly. I am working to schedule into my day small tasks that I can complete to help me feel better that things are taken care of, but to also let some of it go until a pre determined time, rather than stewing and thinking about un-done tasks. I do check my work email on my phone from home quite frequently, and that is something I am trying to let go of. I feel like I am living whole heartedly when I channel my focus into my kids and meaningful activities/interactions, rather than letting my "to-do" list consume me.
"You will have to determine what is driving you to tolerate a life of unbalance." For Carlos Hidalgo, it was his ego that was driving him. This made me pause and wonder if it's the same for me. While I know deep down that there's no reason to spend so many extra hours working on school, I still find myself doing it. Going through this book has been helpful, but this TED talk was a reminder that if we can't identify the root reasons we do something, real change will never happen. I think part of the reason I also try to do "more things" is because I don't have a partner or children that also need my attention. But that still doesn't mean that I need to make my job my single priority.
I connected with the beginning of his talk about being a career woman - feeling like you work all day but it is still my responsibility to keep all the home life stuff working too. I don't know that I have completely moved beyond that thinking, but I am surely working on it. I am trying to set boundaries and set priorities to bring more joy and fulfillment into my life. Without that, it feels like life is just a hamster wheel -- always spinning and moving but never getting anywhere special.
I really connected with his explanation at the beginning of the video about how women are typically just expected to do all the things. I have a very supportive and helpful husband who is a great partner at home, and still I feel like the majority of tasks at home fall on my shoulders. I often comment on how hard it is to find time to be a great teacher, eat healthy, exercise, have a clean house, make healthy meals, go to my kids' activities, spend time with friends and family, etc. It is so hard to keep up! I also related to his story of his son on the phone. The time we have with our kids is so precious and fleeting. My oldest child is 15, and it is crazy how quickly these years have gone. I feel like I have gotten so much better at work/life boundaries from when I first started teaching. Some of that improvement just came out of necessity, but I also just know that I can never get these years with my kids back. I may not be the most amazing teacher I can be right now, but I realize that this is the season of life I am in. I will have more time to devote to my career again once my kids are all gone.
The part that really resonated with me was when Carlos Hidalgo was talking about women and the home responsibilities falling mostly on them. This has always been the situation in my house with my husband. He will "help" with things, but its mostly just that-help. I do the managing of what tasks need to be done, prioritize them, and do them. My husband will help with a few tasks that need to be done, but the majority is on me. This is mostly because he has a terrible work/life balance and will focus a lot of his time at home on work, even during the evenings and weekends. I can't imagine a life where I'm not balancing work, my kids activities, kids school life, errands, household cleaning and organizing, planning family social activities, etc. It all definitely adds a huge layer of stress for me.
I am happy with my work-life balance. As a nurse, my entire career has been "leaving work at work". I couldn't do any aspect of my job at home, it is one thing I loved about working in the hospital. That shifted slightly when I started this job as a school nurse. I have emails that are sent to me, administration contacting me occasionally, and a list of things that I could definitely work at home. None of that comes natural to me since I've spend 15 years not doing work outside of my work place. When I first started this role, I would reply to emails and work on tasks at home. Now though, I prioritize what I do at home and for the most part-it can all wait until tomorrow. My district also has built in teacher work days and early dismissals, that allows me to get caught up on some work that needs attention that I can't give during the school day. My time at home with my family is sacred to me, and that's where I want my energy and focus to be on when I'm there.
This wasn't my "favorite" part, but when he talked about his phone conversation with his son, while he was at a hotel, it really touched me. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what seems important, only to realize that we are missing out on what really does matter. In that case it was his family. This story really hit me. I try to have a good work/life balance, but some days are definitely better than others. The area that I really want to be intentional about is truly being present when I am with my family. If I am having a cup of coffee with my husband, I want to solely be in that moment and not thinking/worrying about anything else. When I am talking with my son, I want to be present in that conversation and focused on what my son needs from me in that moment. I think this simple change can make a difference in connections with those I love. When I really think about it, being present in each of life's moments (simple or significant) is when I truly feel alive.
My favorite takeaway from this video was “boundaries don’t need to be grand, they just need to be established.” I am currently in the stage of establishing work-life boundaries and while it has been challenging to keep these boundaries, it does feel good when I maintain them. I owe it to myself and to my family to live my life whole-heartedly. The burnout I’ve been experiencing and some health problems I’ve had lately are not allowing me to live my life in the way I’d like to. This is especially important to me now that I’m a mom and also as a partner since I don’t want my husband to only get the tired/cranky version of me.
My favorite part was when he said I could choose to invest in my work or I can invest in my spouse and children which that bring me the most joy. We are trying hard to invest in a good balance of work life and home life. I feel like I have had a decent work/home balance for most of my career. I do not take work home. I do not stay past contract hours unless it is non-negotiable. However, I get caught up in the menial tasks of daily living and chores and that reflects in my balance of life. I feel like I'm living my life to the fullest when I am surrounded by my family, unplugged from technology and completely in the moment with them.
I liked several of the quotes in this video, but I the one I am going to choose to focus on is - if I'm so successful why am I so miserable? I think it can be easy for us to have a negative mindset and to constantly be chasing for the next best thing and that can be a scary mentality to be at. Instead choose to focus on the where and now and realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I think for me when I'm most happy I'm with my friends and family spending time together, whether it be a game night, having a bon fire together, or on vacation. Just creating memories together and sharing laughs makes me most happy and when I'm my best self.
"Boundaries do not have to be grand, they just need to be established." I try to work very hard during my prep time to be able to leave by 4. I have set boundaries for myself on the weekends. I used to go up to school on Sundays, but now I use that time to be with my family. My girls are so busy with activities that we are usually running around all weekend. I don't feel that pressure to go up to school anymore. I try to not text my co-workers about school after school hours or on the weekends. This just creates extra stress for everyone. We all need a break from thinking about school. I also only bring work home when absolutely necessary. I feel like I am a better mom and wife when I leave my stress of work at work.
"I didn't know what the future held for me, but I knew I needed to be home." This is so true of me today. I will be retiring at the end of the year, so that I can be home more. I wish I had thought to do this 2 decades ago when my son was young, but now I do it for my Mother who is older and husband who will be retiring too. I know that I will still need to set work-life boundaries because I do plan to do sub teaching as needed. I know that by choosing to sub, I could end up being asked too often.
A couple of years ago, I decided to take my email off my phone. I no longer check my email when I'm not at work. In the past I was checking my email while at home and would have parent emails that would send me into a panic or giving me some sort of anxiety. One night I decided enough was enough and took it off. It is quite fabulous. Two years ago I decided I needed to organize my plan time to get the most out of it. Monday is designated to sending parent newsletter and doing miscellaneous tasks. Tuesday through Thursday was designated to planning for the next week. After school was designated for correcting work. By utilizing my plan time, I no longer bring work home unless it simply "cannot wait".
I loved his connection to Brene Brown's quote on living life... "If we want to live a wholehearted life we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self worth."
Especially since having kids, I notice my husband and I talk about exhaustion a lot almost as an excuse sometimes and I would like to change that. Try to make a plan to get quality sleep in as well as play.
We really have made it a priority to not prioritize our work. We simply work to be able to have some money for our house and the life we want. We don't want promotions, status symbol, etc. However, inevitably his job requires him to work over time sometimes and our life becomes out of balance pretty quickly when that happens.
I was very touched that Carlos became so emotional when his son hung the phone up. It's easy to get so hung up when your success is booming, and he had every right to be proud of what he had built. A very tough decision that so many have had to make, and I laughed out loud that his wife brought up the idea to begin another business. We didn't expect to hear that. Carlos went on to relate all of this to Brene Brown and her statement about cultivating sleep, play and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol. Again, it's so easy to get caught in that vortex of success. It can be hard to bring down that level of adrenaline. I am doing better at developing boundaries and saying no, I still need to improve. There are very polite ways to say no. If people are so incapable of understanding that one can only do so much than maybe they a reboot. I think that's called attitude. I am living wholeheartedly when I am spending time with my family, when my focus is off the rest of the worlds problems and on them. I am also living wholeheartedly when I am at the barn with my horses. Filthy dirty, sweaty, exhausted and totally at peace. There is never a bad day at the barn.<3
I have three lines that sent chills within me: “Know what your value is and what boundaries you need to create in order to protect that value.” “Your boundaries don’t need to be grand, they just need to be established.” “Why do you tolerate imbalance in your work-life boundaries?”
Oh man…the last one really got me. Why do we?! I feel there’s been a growing stereotype around teachers, that they have to dedicate every moment of their personal life to “bettering themselves as teachers” because they have the summers off of work; and if they don’t do that, then they feel shamed or guilty. Why do we allow that for ourselves? I LOVE this book and that it’s yelling from the rooftops that teachers are human, too, they have breaking points, they have needs, they have families, and they have people in their own personal life who rely on them. So, NO, they should not feel shamed because they’re not planning lessons every day, they should not feel shamed because they take the whole summer to self-care and be present with their loved ones. This applies to any career, not just teaching. If your employment doesn’t value you as a person, leave.
Ok, off that soap box 😊 The first two I mentioned spoke to me because, like I said, teachers are human. They have needs, families, and breaking points. I don’t know if this makes me a bad person, but a boundary I see infiltrating the school systems is that school is becoming quite a bit of a daycare due to lack of parental drive, ambition, and care in the home life. Now, more than ever, we are literally teaching each individual – which is fine! – but not when there’s only 1-2 teachers in the room! Teaching them how to manage their emotion, potty train, follow their individual emotional/behavioral management coping strategy sheet, etc. Like I said, I sound mean and I’m not trying to be. What I’m getting at is that there are more and more things we have to “teach” these kids that one teacher simply can’t do! And it interferes with the actual academic teaching.
I think my 2 favorite quotes from this video were "Incorporate more boundaries in your life and create more opportunities to show up." and "Be home, be present, and be available." I have always struggled with work/life balance, because I want to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of, which usually means blurring those lines and my work time cuts into my home life. Even right this minute, I am subbing in an elementary classroom and I am completing this class work while on my lunch break when I should be relaxing, catching up on personal texts or talking with colleagues. I am always doing 2 things at once and never feel at peace or at ease. I had a horrible work-life balance when I was a classroom teacher and I was only a single woman at that time, and now I fear going back to the classroom with 4 young kids, because I worry I will be constantly drained and burned out. His quote from Brene Brown about "letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol in productivity as self-worth" was quite eye-opening, because it seems we are all competing for who's got more work, who's worked more hours, who's got the hardest students, etc. I want to be better at "defining boundaries and values you want to protect" because your family and your home life needs you more than your job does. The work will always be there, but you shouldn't miss the practices, recitals, and relaxation with yourself and your family. I don't feel like I am living a good balance right now, so I can't say what that looks like yet, but I''m working on it.
The line I liked best was ,your boundaries are based on YOUR values! When I set my boundaries they may not be understandable to anyone else because we do not value things in the same way. I need to what I know is right for me and not spend time worrying about others opinions. I need to make my time more valuable for myself by making it meaningful. I want to really enjoy more sleep and playtime without guilt. I wish I had heard this talk when my children were young, however I full intend to make wonderful memories with my grandchildren.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
The line about prioritizing sleep & play and eliminating exhaustion as a status symbol stuck with me. I am usually... okay... with work/ life boundaries. I don't take a lot of work home with me. However, at this moment in time... exhaustion and stress is totally the state I'm in! Re-certifying and finishing up extra duties, as well as packing up my classroom have me with no perspective at the moment, if I'm being honest. I'll be skipping a family event to finish up extra duties, and I hate that, but it's where I am today.
I chuckled at the beginning of the video when he is talking about career women still taking care of all at home and kids while men come home and have worked so many hours that they just can't help. That is still relatable in so many relationships I know!
ReplyDeleteI am always the person that will throw work in my bag and then never touch it at home! I try to leave work at 4 to then go be with my family. I try to work hard at work so I don't feel like I need to bring it home with me.
Shouldn't we all feel that we are living live whole-heartedly when with family and friends? I love my teaching job most days but my cup fills with quality time with friends and family. Game nights, lake days, weekend getaways, and vacations all bring the relaxed smile.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
ReplyDeleteI liked the line " know what your value is, and what boundaries you need to create to protect that value" sometimes we get so caught up in work and the business of life that we forget all the little important things. And sadly sometimes the little things are our little children who are begging for attention. I am past that stage of life and now am focused on learning what to do with my husband in our empty nest stage of life. We have had to refocus and retrain ourselves to find common ground and activities to enjoy together. Life is ever changing and every stage is an adjustment to make.
The above was my entry,
DeleteMy favorite line is "your boundaries don't need to be grand, they just need to be established". I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long in life to set boundaries. I was a single mom for most of my son's life. I was gone a lot at work. Then I started school and missed more time with him. I knew that it would only be a short time. Then, we would have a better life. As a teacher, I knew that I would have weekends and summers off to spend with him while he grew. If I would not have made that career choice, I would not have had the opportunity to spend his growing up years with him.
ReplyDeleteAt the beginning of my career I struggle with boundaries. I was always at the school trying to make things "just right". Since then I have learned that it can always been done tomorrow.
Listening to him talk about "meaningful connections" makes me want to go back to the previous blog post as I talked about prioritizing time for family and friends BUT a few weeks ago we had to choose 3 important items that were MUST HAVEs in our lives, I did not want to take up multiple options with listing family and friends so I used the word connections! I knew this was the important term that I needed from my friends and families- the connections. I want to strengthen them and continue to build them! These are the things I need to prioritize in my life!
ReplyDeleteI also liked his term "purpose driven" as I think this is what teachers are always looking for when we are questioning changes- we want to know the purpose and intention of these changes.
"Boundaries do not have to be grand, they just need to be established." that is a good line too!
I think I am at the beginning stages of finding MY boundaries. Not the ones that are set for me, but mine. The ones that I need that will make my like one that I can live with purpose and intention! A life that I can be proud of and say that I am proud and one where I truthfully BELIEVE in myself!
I appreciate that he admitted that he was using productivity/prestige as validation of his self-worth, and that he was wrong to think he was truly okay with how things were without work-life boundaries. I am at the beginning stages, I would say, of establishing work-life boundaries. I feel like when I was first teaching, I threw myself entirely into teaching and worked on school at home very often. Now that I have my own child, things need to change; I need to create and stick to some boundaries to keep her the priority of my life. I feel like I am living life whole-heartedly when I'm doing something with my daughter, like playing a board game, hiking, or reading books.
ReplyDeleteThis is a difficult question for me to answer because even though I try my best, I do not think that I'm living life whole heartedly partly because of work life boundaries. I like having my email notifications turned on my phone, but I also let it distract me at home when I should be giving my family my full attention. Also, because I coach I bring things home with me later at night. Going into the seconds semester I need to do a better job of setting boundaries. I like the questions does this need to be done?, does this need to be done by me?, does this need to be done right now? Often times the answer to those questions are no. I feel the best about balance when I leave my stuff at school, put my phone away, and be present with my family.
ReplyDelete"If we want to live a whole hearted life we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity of self worth." I really struggle with work-life boundaries. I tend to swing back and forth between too much focus and time spent on work or things I want to do personally. I feel best about my life balance when I am productive during my time at work so I can walk away and focus on my personal priorities in the evening and on weekends.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was when he quoted Brene Brown, “If we want to live a whole-hearted life, we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol in productivity as self worth.”
ReplyDeleteI am happy with my work-life boundaries. I love to plan, so I set aside 1-2 hours every Sunday and other than that, work stay at work. I like to put my energy into being my best for work when I am at work and being my best at home when I am home. Being fully present wherever I am. I feel like I live a whole-hearted life everyday. I believe our perspectives have the ability to shape the quality of our lives. I feel so much gratitude for that life I have and am always looking for opportunities to gain more wisdom and overcome challenges that arise.
My favorite line was "You will have to determine what is driving you to tolerate a life of unbalance." I thought this saying was very telling for me. Like he said, he was tolerating unbalance to feed his ego. When we determine what is driving our unbalance, it might lead to a realization of whether or not it is worth it. I feel that I am pretty good about work/life balance. I do need to work on being more focused during some of my breaks, especially lunch and using that time effectively. I feel like I am living life whole-heartedly when I am spending time with my family doing something we love.
ReplyDelete"Why do you tolerate imbalance in your work-life boundaries?"
ReplyDelete-This line really gave me pause because there are times when I tolerate an overflow of work into my personal life, but I had not paused to consider why I allow those seasons sporadically.
When my ego is being stroked by something at work, I will tolerate imbalance to continue to the high-quality work that is generating the feedback and praise that I am craving at the moment.
When home-life is challenging and work seems easier and more orderly, I will tolerate imbalance between the two.
But the times when I'm willing to tolerate this imbalance between work and home life signal larger disfunction and imbalance in my life. The home-work imbalance is just a symptom of the real problem.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. It is the women's responsibility to keep things running smoothly at home. This seems to be very true. Men help out, but if the house is messy and the laundry hasn't been done, it is the women who will be blamed for it.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? I think I do well keeping work at school.
When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly? When I enjoy the weekends and not even think about school.
I really liked the line "boundaries don't need to be grand, they just need to be established!" I have really been trying to embody this sentence the last few years. During Covid I would have families and parents messaging me at all hours of the day, nights, and weekends. It really made me feel burnt out so I started by establishing set hours to reply to parent messages. Now, years later, I find myself being more firm with boundaries in all aspects of my life and feeling better/prouder of myself for sticking with them and not being afraid to make them known!
ReplyDeleteI like his quoting Renee Brown, "If you want to live a wholehearted life we have to be intentional cultivating sleep and play and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as worth." This is so true and at times I struggle with feeling I need to do one more thing or answer that email, and next thing I know it is bed time or past my bedtime and I have lost quality time with my wife. I need to be more intentional on my sleep and play, time outside of school. I feel I am living life whole-heatedly when I hit the pillow and I can just lay there and not toss and turn. I can also tell when my wife let's me know, especially when she thanks me for what I did or the movie. I can tell when I slip when she says I need to spend more time with her. I wish I could be more consistent, I think I need to look at my boundaries and values.
ReplyDelete“I had no idea what the future had in store for me, but I knew it would allow me home to have more time with my family.”
ReplyDeleteI heard this line and thought, "Been there!" This was where I was last spring when I was the leaving my classroom for the last time. I didn't have a job lined up, didn't know what I would be doing, if it would be in education or not or anything. But I did know that I had to do something different so I could be present for my children. Living my life today is living more intentionally, more purposefully, and feeling like I am living wholeheartedly is being able to leave school at 3:00, without a sub to cover for me, so that I can go watch my daughter play basketball!
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
ReplyDelete"You will have to determine what is driving you to tolerate a life of imbalance." Hidalgo admits that, for him, it was ego. He loved the idea of being a success...having his name on the front of a book cover. I have come a long way in this area, especially in the last year or two. The
Lord has used circumstances beyond my control to teach me the value of a life lived in tune with His ultimate purpose for my life and not my personal glory or selfish ambitions. For a long time I think I just worked endless hours because I believed everything was up to me alone to keep things going. Now it's clear that to live a whole-hearted life that aligns with my true purpose and desire to leave a Godly legacy, I must have personal wellness & balance to give my best to others.
My favorite thing he shared was: "If I am so successful, why am I so miserable? What was missing was meaningful relationship and connection." Our ego makes us say yes to things that make us seem important but they don't fill that space of connection within us that we so desperately need. I found that by saying no to things and just staying home and playing with my kids, being outdoors with them, being present... we are all so much happier. And all the things I was saying yes to previously, I don't miss any of it and all of those things are continuing on just fine without me.
ReplyDeleteI established a work-life balance when my kids were born. I wasn't going to waste time at work when I could be with them. I do work through all my breaks, lunch, planning time. I don't sit around and chat with peers. I am focused the entire time I am at work and it is very exhausting. But at 4 pm, I walk out and work is done. I don't talk about it at home, I don't take work home. Home is home and I am fully present there. This took me years to figure out but now that I have, life is so much more enjoyable.
I thought it was funny that after everything he went through starting his first business, that he then started a second, but I love that he started it with his wife and defined his boundaries. I try to set good bounaries for myself work wise. I leave at my contracted times and don't take work home. While I'm at school I focus on what is more important for my students and am well organized so that I don't have to devote outside time to school. I feel like I'm living most whole-heartedly when I'm with my family and friends and not focusing on all of the things that I should be doing. I think at school I feel that way as well when I'm not leaning into the negativity that can be all around you sometimes.
ReplyDelete"The more success that I experienced, the less fulfilled and more narcississtic I became. But why? It's because what was missing in my life at the time was meaningful relationship and connection, which is what we as human beings are fundamentally wired for."
ReplyDeleteI liked this line because I completely agree that we are fundamentally wired for meaningful relationships and connection. When we aren't living in a way that's aligned with that understanding, it really takes a toll. When I was teaching, I always felt the most drained when work was eating into my family time. When I would stay a little later at school to grade papers or prepare a lesson, I would feel immense guilt for not being with my son during that time. Now that I am staying at home full time with my kids, work-life boundaries are not a concern. I feel I am living life whole-heartedly whenever I fully invest my attention on my kids or husband, with no distractions.
My favorite story that he shared was when his 3-year old son called him on the phone and said “daddy, are you on an airplane?” To which he Carlos responded, “No bud, I’m in a hotel.” “Daddy you’re always in a hotel,” and hung up. And that moment made him realize that he couldn’t keep going the way he was going and his wife agreed. It was also powerful that he was sharing this story over ten years later and the thought to him is still crushing. It ties in with what the author of Fewer Things Better says about time being finite and money being infinite. You can always find a different job or another way to make money. You can’t get back time and moments with your family. As a teacher, I had terrible work-life boundaries, was not making good decisions to set these boundaries, and got out of the teaching profession (this was five years ago). In the past year, I have started a new job that allows me to establish healthier work-life boundaries and to allow my husband to stay home with our newborn (coming in April). So I am looking forward to actually enjoying my life again. I was really feeling rundown when I got out of teaching and it’s taken basically this whole past 5 years to come out of that slump. I feel like I am living life whole-heartedly when I am actually enjoying living in the present with my family and am not being bogged down by societal or work pressures.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite concept was toward the end when he shared that he and his wife stop life for coffee for 20 minutes each morning. That boundary represents a present for them together at the beginning of each day. I liked the concept of beginning and ending the day with quiet family time. Not "let's rush out the door, keep our nose to the grindstone, come home, rush through dinner and keep busy until time to put the kid to bed, RELAX (while trying to keep our eyes open..." (repeat), but an intentional time to relax and keep things laid back before meeting the challenges of the day. He mentioned that these days, when he's at work, he is FULLY at work and is not distracted. But when he's home, it's time to be there (also not being distracted). For me, I've worked hard to set some good boundaries and they are working, but I am always fine-tuning and evaluating. One area that I need to work on is feeling rushed and mentally, checking in and out of work/home at the appropriate times. I don't want to be the mom who, while present, is mentally pushing her child away because she is constantly letting thoughts of "what can I do to make tomorrow easier/less stressful" or "what needs to be done..." take joy from the present moment. In short, I need to be more intentional with my time AND my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI think the story of his youngest son Luke asking if he was on an airplane and making the comment, "You're always in a hotel" and hung up is really powerful. The fact that influenced all of Carlos' next life events and impacted how he chose relationships more important that his career success. I also liked when he talked about how he was okay with being unbalanced because he thought his success came from how much he could succeed in his work. As a teacher I struggle with work-life boundaries. I frequently try to get work done while at home and can feel that impact my patience at home. I have tried to set healthier boundaries this year with little things; not replying to parent contacts or emails when I am home at night with my family but that too can be challenging. I feel I am living a whole heartedly life when I spend quality and intentional time with my family at home. I need to work on being more present with my time and making more joyful moments.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
ReplyDelete“Daddy, are you on an airplane?” To which he Carlos responded, “No bud, I’m in a hotel.” “Daddy you’re always in a hotel,” and hung up. With no kids, only dogs, I still need to prioritize their exercise and health. Also with my boyfriend being a business owner, we need to do better at stopping our busy lives for just 20 minutes a day to enjoy the presence of one another. I feel I am living life to the fullest when I put work and other day to day problems to the side and live completely in the moment doing things I enjoy with people I enjoy. This can mean a simple walk, a simple car ride around the time. Whatever it may be, clearing my brain in order to be 100% present.
** I forgot to change from anonymous, so reposting.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
“Daddy, are you on an airplane?” To which he Carlos responded, “No bud, I’m in a hotel.” “Daddy you’re always in a hotel,” and hung up. With no kids, only dogs, I still need to prioritize their exercise and health. Also with my boyfriend being a business owner, we need to do better at stopping our busy lives for just 20 minutes a day to enjoy the presence of one another. I feel I am living life to the fullest when I put work and other day to day problems to the side and live completely in the moment doing things I enjoy with people I enjoy. This can mean a simple walk, a simple car ride around the time. Whatever it may be, clearing my brain in order to be 100% present.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
ReplyDelete"If I am so successful, why am I so miserable?" It seems like work can be all consuming, even when I am home, with my family, my mind is still thinking about work. It can really ruin family time. Sometimes setting work-life boundaries is difficult when work can be all consuming. I am looking forward to retirement someday, but for now, I will do my best to keep work and home life seperate.
Taking inspiration from Renee Brown's wise words about prioritizing sleep and play to live a fulfilling life, I've realized how important it is to let go of seeing exhaustion as a badge of honor and productivity as the only measure of self-worth. I often catch myself getting caught up in finishing just one more task or replying to that last email, only to suddenly realize it's bedtime, or even past it, and I've missed out on quality time with my husband and our 2.5-year-old. Being mindful about making time for rest and fun outside of work has become crucial for me. I feel happiest when I can peacefully drift off to sleep without a million thoughts racing through my head. I know I'm doing well when my husband appreciates the moments we share. On the flip side, I notice I need to do better when he hints that we need more family time together. Striving to keep this balance consistent is a goal of mine, and I understand the need to reassess my boundaries and values to make sure I'm living life to the fullest.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was to have meaningful time for relationships in which he set aside 20 minutes to have coffee with his wife. I'm usually out the door for work before my husband really gets going, but I do take 5 minutes to talk about the day. What are your plans, etc.? This often helps me keep my focus throughout the day at school. Do I have time to stay a little longer tonight, or do I need to get home and help on the farm?
ReplyDeleteEstablishing work boundaries are important and should be re-evaluated often. When my kids were in high school was definitely different that grade school - family values change as they grow up and the needs have to be met at every level. I have one kid left at home now, totally different boundaries for work as well. I felt I have kept my family as my priority and didn't feel like I was slighting them - except for a few meals that they may have had to make along the way :). Not necessarily a bad thing though.
"If we want to live a whole hearted life we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity of self worth."
ReplyDeleteSince having children, I have learned that it is important to have boundaries around my work time and my family time. I try and use my time at school effectively by eliminating distractions when I can. I use my before school time to make sure I have everything ready to go for the day. I use in between classes to respond to quick emails or enter in something quickly to the gradebook. I use my prep to really grade things or get lessons planned out for the next day or week. After school is usually when I might have students come in for help or I use this time to make copies or send things off to the printer. When I leave, I turn the business side of school off. My email is connected to my phone, but I've learned that if someone emails me outside of my "working hours", that the response can usually wait until the next morning. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but I really try to be strict about my work boundaries so that they don't interfere with my family time at home.
My favorite line was when he said " Know what your value is, and what boundaries you need to create to protect that value." Right now I think I have a good work-life boundary in place. I don't take work home or work on the weekends. I do need to be better to balance my time at home to spend more quality time with my family and on my self-care. I admit to spending too much time on social media which makes me feel self-centered and unproductive. I feel like I am live whole-heartedly when I spend quality time with my family and don't stress about little things like house cleaning, laundry and getting groceries. Also when I take time for my own self-care.
ReplyDeleteShare your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
ReplyDeleteWhen Carlos Hidalgo was talking about the false perception that exists in our society that housework and children's activities are often "the women's role after work is done" I felt like I was heard! In my household that dynamic exists (my husband does help, it just feels like the bulk of it falls on me). I am the type of person that cannot rest of feel settled unless my house is in order. I feel like I struggle more with that balance than work life balance quite honestly. I am working to schedule into my day small tasks that I can complete to help me feel better that things are taken care of, but to also let some of it go until a pre determined time, rather than stewing and thinking about un-done tasks. I do check my work email on my phone from home quite frequently, and that is something I am trying to let go of. I feel like I am living whole heartedly when I channel my focus into my kids and meaningful activities/interactions, rather than letting my "to-do" list consume me.
"You will have to determine what is driving you to tolerate a life of unbalance." For Carlos Hidalgo, it was his ego that was driving him. This made me pause and wonder if it's the same for me. While I know deep down that there's no reason to spend so many extra hours working on school, I still find myself doing it. Going through this book has been helpful, but this TED talk was a reminder that if we can't identify the root reasons we do something, real change will never happen. I think part of the reason I also try to do "more things" is because I don't have a partner or children that also need my attention. But that still doesn't mean that I need to make my job my single priority.
ReplyDeleteI connected with the beginning of his talk about being a career woman - feeling like you work all day but it is still my responsibility to keep all the home life stuff working too. I don't know that I have completely moved beyond that thinking, but I am surely working on it. I am trying to set boundaries and set priorities to bring more joy and fulfillment into my life. Without that, it feels like life is just a hamster wheel -- always spinning and moving but never getting anywhere special.
ReplyDeleteI really connected with his explanation at the beginning of the video about how women are typically just expected to do all the things. I have a very supportive and helpful husband who is a great partner at home, and still I feel like the majority of tasks at home fall on my shoulders. I often comment on how hard it is to find time to be a great teacher, eat healthy, exercise, have a clean house, make healthy meals, go to my kids' activities, spend time with friends and family, etc. It is so hard to keep up! I also related to his story of his son on the phone. The time we have with our kids is so precious and fleeting. My oldest child is 15, and it is crazy how quickly these years have gone. I feel like I have gotten so much better at work/life boundaries from when I first started teaching. Some of that improvement just came out of necessity, but I also just know that I can never get these years with my kids back. I may not be the most amazing teacher I can be right now, but I realize that this is the season of life I am in. I will have more time to devote to my career again once my kids are all gone.
ReplyDeleteThe part that really resonated with me was when Carlos Hidalgo was talking about women and the home responsibilities falling mostly on them. This has always been the situation in my house with my husband. He will "help" with things, but its mostly just that-help. I do the managing of what tasks need to be done, prioritize them, and do them. My husband will help with a few tasks that need to be done, but the majority is on me. This is mostly because he has a terrible work/life balance and will focus a lot of his time at home on work, even during the evenings and weekends. I can't imagine a life where I'm not balancing work, my kids activities, kids school life, errands, household cleaning and organizing, planning family social activities, etc. It all definitely adds a huge layer of stress for me.
ReplyDeleteI am happy with my work-life balance. As a nurse, my entire career has been "leaving work at work". I couldn't do any aspect of my job at home, it is one thing I loved about working in the hospital. That shifted slightly when I started this job as a school nurse. I have emails that are sent to me, administration contacting me occasionally, and a list of things that I could definitely work at home. None of that comes natural to me since I've spend 15 years not doing work outside of my work place. When I first started this role, I would reply to emails and work on tasks at home. Now though, I prioritize what I do at home and for the most part-it can all wait until tomorrow. My district also has built in teacher work days and early dismissals, that allows me to get caught up on some work that needs attention that I can't give during the school day. My time at home with my family is sacred to me, and that's where I want my energy and focus to be on when I'm there.
This wasn't my "favorite" part, but when he talked about his phone conversation with his son, while he was at a hotel, it really touched me. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what seems important, only to realize that we are missing out on what really does matter. In that case it was his family.
ReplyDeleteThis story really hit me. I try to have a good work/life balance, but some days are definitely better than others. The area that I really want to be intentional about is truly being present when I am with my family. If I am having a cup of coffee with my husband, I want to solely be in that moment and not thinking/worrying about anything else. When I am talking with my son, I want to be present in that conversation and focused on what my son needs from me in that moment. I think this simple change can make a difference in connections with those I love. When I really think about it, being present in each of life's moments (simple or significant) is when I truly feel alive.
My favorite takeaway from this video was “boundaries don’t need to be grand, they just need to be established.” I am currently in the stage of establishing work-life boundaries and while it has been challenging to keep these boundaries, it does feel good when I maintain them. I owe it to myself and to my family to live my life whole-heartedly. The burnout I’ve been experiencing and some health problems I’ve had lately are not allowing me to live my life in the way I’d like to. This is especially important to me now that I’m a mom and also as a partner since I don’t want my husband to only get the tired/cranky version of me.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part was when he said I could choose to invest in my work or I can invest in my spouse and children which that bring me the most joy. We are trying hard to invest in a good balance of work life and home life. I feel like I have had a decent work/home balance for most of my career. I do not take work home. I do not stay past contract hours unless it is non-negotiable. However, I get caught up in the menial tasks of daily living and chores and that reflects in my balance of life. I feel like I'm living my life to the fullest when I am surrounded by my family, unplugged from technology and completely in the moment with them.
ReplyDeleteI liked several of the quotes in this video, but I the one I am going to choose to focus on is - if I'm so successful why am I so miserable? I think it can be easy for us to have a negative mindset and to constantly be chasing for the next best thing and that can be a scary mentality to be at. Instead choose to focus on the where and now and realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I think for me when I'm most happy I'm with my friends and family spending time together, whether it be a game night, having a bon fire together, or on vacation. Just creating memories together and sharing laughs makes me most happy and when I'm my best self.
ReplyDelete"Boundaries do not have to be grand, they just need to be established." I try to work very hard during my prep time to be able to leave by 4. I have set boundaries for myself on the weekends. I used to go up to school on Sundays, but now I use that time to be with my family. My girls are so busy with activities that we are usually running around all weekend. I don't feel that pressure to go up to school anymore. I try to not text my co-workers about school after school hours or on the weekends. This just creates extra stress for everyone. We all need a break from thinking about school. I also only bring work home when absolutely necessary. I feel like I am a better mom and wife when I leave my stress of work at work.
ReplyDelete"I didn't know what the future held for me, but I knew I needed to be home."
ReplyDeleteThis is so true of me today. I will be retiring at the end of the year, so that I can be home more. I wish I had thought to do this 2 decades ago when my son was young, but now I do it for my Mother who is older and husband who will be retiring too.
I know that I will still need to set work-life boundaries because I do plan to do sub teaching as needed. I know that by choosing to sub, I could end up being asked too often.
A couple of years ago, I decided to take my email off my phone. I no longer check my email when I'm not at work. In the past I was checking my email while at home and would have parent emails that would send me into a panic or giving me some sort of anxiety. One night I decided enough was enough and took it off. It is quite fabulous.
ReplyDeleteTwo years ago I decided I needed to organize my plan time to get the most out of it. Monday is designated to sending parent newsletter and doing miscellaneous tasks. Tuesday through Thursday was designated to planning for the next week. After school was designated for correcting work. By utilizing my plan time, I no longer bring work home unless it simply "cannot wait".
I loved his connection to Brene Brown's quote on living life... "If we want to live a wholehearted life we have to be intentional about cultivating sleep and play and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self worth."
ReplyDeleteEspecially since having kids, I notice my husband and I talk about exhaustion a lot almost as an excuse sometimes and I would like to change that. Try to make a plan to get quality sleep in as well as play.
We really have made it a priority to not prioritize our work. We simply work to be able to have some money for our house and the life we want. We don't want promotions, status symbol, etc. However, inevitably his job requires him to work over time sometimes and our life becomes out of balance pretty quickly when that happens.
I was very touched that Carlos became so emotional when his son hung the phone up. It's easy to get so hung up when your success is booming, and he had every right to be proud of what he had built. A very tough decision that so many have had to make, and I laughed out loud that his wife brought up the idea to begin another business. We didn't expect to hear that. Carlos went on to relate all of this to Brene Brown and her statement about cultivating sleep, play and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol. Again, it's so easy to get caught in that vortex of success. It can be hard to bring down that level of adrenaline.
ReplyDeleteI am doing better at developing boundaries and saying no, I still need to improve. There are very polite ways to say no. If people are so incapable of understanding that one can only do so much than maybe they a reboot. I think that's called attitude.
I am living wholeheartedly when I am spending time with my family, when my focus is off the rest of the worlds problems and on them. I am also living wholeheartedly when I am at the barn with my horses. Filthy dirty, sweaty, exhausted and totally at peace. There is never a bad day at the barn.<3
I have three lines that sent chills within me:
ReplyDelete“Know what your value is and what boundaries you need to create in order to protect that value.”
“Your boundaries don’t need to be grand, they just need to be established.”
“Why do you tolerate imbalance in your work-life boundaries?”
Oh man…the last one really got me. Why do we?! I feel there’s been a growing stereotype around teachers, that they have to dedicate every moment of their personal life to “bettering themselves as teachers” because they have the summers off of work; and if they don’t do that, then they feel shamed or guilty. Why do we allow that for ourselves? I LOVE this book and that it’s yelling from the rooftops that teachers are human, too, they have breaking points, they have needs, they have families, and they have people in their own personal life who rely on them. So, NO, they should not feel shamed because they’re not planning lessons every day, they should not feel shamed because they take the whole summer to self-care and be present with their loved ones. This applies to any career, not just teaching. If your employment doesn’t value you as a person, leave.
Ok, off that soap box 😊
The first two I mentioned spoke to me because, like I said, teachers are human. They have needs, families, and breaking points. I don’t know if this makes me a bad person, but a boundary I see infiltrating the school systems is that school is becoming quite a bit of a daycare due to lack of parental drive, ambition, and care in the home life. Now, more than ever, we are literally teaching each individual – which is fine! – but not when there’s only 1-2 teachers in the room! Teaching them how to manage their emotion, potty train, follow their individual emotional/behavioral management coping strategy sheet, etc. Like I said, I sound mean and I’m not trying to be. What I’m getting at is that there are more and more things we have to “teach” these kids that one teacher simply can’t do! And it interferes with the actual academic teaching.
I think my 2 favorite quotes from this video were "Incorporate more boundaries in your life and create more opportunities to show up." and "Be home, be present, and be available."
ReplyDeleteI have always struggled with work/life balance, because I want to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of, which usually means blurring those lines and my work time cuts into my home life. Even right this minute, I am subbing in an elementary classroom and I am completing this class work while on my lunch break when I should be relaxing, catching up on personal texts or talking with colleagues. I am always doing 2 things at once and never feel at peace or at ease.
I had a horrible work-life balance when I was a classroom teacher and I was only a single woman at that time, and now I fear going back to the classroom with 4 young kids, because I worry I will be constantly drained and burned out.
His quote from Brene Brown about "letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol in productivity as self-worth" was quite eye-opening, because it seems we are all competing for who's got more work, who's worked more hours, who's got the hardest students, etc.
I want to be better at "defining boundaries and values you want to protect" because your family and your home life needs you more than your job does. The work will always be there, but you shouldn't miss the practices, recitals, and relaxation with yourself and your family.
I don't feel like I am living a good balance right now, so I can't say what that looks like yet, but I''m working on it.
The line I liked best was ,your boundaries are based on YOUR values!
ReplyDeleteWhen I set my boundaries they may not be understandable to anyone else because we do not value things in the same way. I need to what I know is right for me and not spend time worrying about others opinions. I need to make my time more valuable for myself by making it meaningful. I want to really enjoy more sleep and playtime without guilt. I wish I had heard this talk when my children were young, however I full intend to make wonderful memories with my grandchildren.
Share your favorite line or story shared by Carlos Hidalgo in his talk, Setting Work-Life Boundaries. Where are you at in the process of establishing work-life boundaries? When do you feel like you are actually living life whole-heartedly?
ReplyDeleteThe line about prioritizing sleep & play and eliminating exhaustion as a status symbol stuck with me. I am usually... okay... with work/ life boundaries. I don't take a lot of work home with me. However, at this moment in time... exhaustion and stress is totally the state I'm in! Re-certifying and finishing up extra duties, as well as packing up my classroom have me with no perspective at the moment, if I'm being honest. I'll be skipping a family event to finish up extra duties, and I hate that, but it's where I am today.